Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

188 replies

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:31

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes.

My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her

We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations.

Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!”

We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side

The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight.

AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

OP posts:
jenniefromtheblock2 · 06/12/2025 10:15

Your friend was doing you a favour by helping you, clearly she was either negligent not holding the cake correctly because she was on her phone, or it was just an unfortunate accident and she panicked and grabbed the cake before it fell out. But either way no I wouldn't expect her to pay half for it and I wouldn't ask her for any money. Next time I needed to transport a cake she wouldn't be on my list of people to ask, but I wouldn't hold a grudge.

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 10:13

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 07:47

A lap isn't a stable place for cake transport, that's why it's not recommended, to avoid this kind of scenario. Two trips in the car or get someone else to move it.

I spent weeks making my daughter's wedding cake. You bet that was transported so that the only way it would have got damaged is in the event of a full on collision.

Show quote history

Drive an extra 4 hours rather than trust an adult to keep their hand on a box?

EasternEcho · 06/12/2025 10:12

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 05:56

When I made cakes I put them on a cake board that was the perfect fit for the box. That stops the side to side movement. If the cake is iced to the cake board, like it should be, it would take quite a jolt for it to come off at all. I don't think a bump should be an issue unless the box falls off a seat in the process.

Show quote history

I make cakes too and I know this. But I don't see any real deliberate reason for anyone to plant their hands inside messy frosting, other than for instinctively trying to save it. The board may have been smaller than the box and been sliding around. And if the board and cake were not fully secured, they can absolutely move around even on a stop.

Pinkissmart · 06/12/2025 09:59

Couldn’t you have put it on the passenger seat?
Would the cake have been ok there?

fruitbrewhaha · 06/12/2025 09:53

Is she a professional transportation operative? Is she a trained and skilled
in moving delicate objects. Or is she a mate who was helping out.

Maybe your driving was to blame if it was going to fall? Or how it was packaged?

EasternStandard · 06/12/2025 09:51

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 06/12/2025 05:16

She doesn’t work for you. She was helping. You should have secured it in the boot. Hope you haven't asked her to pay or she’ll be starting her own thread how cheeky you are.

Yep this.

RightSheSaid · 06/12/2025 09:51

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:36

I get what you’re saying, but I think people are massively downplaying what actually happened.

I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream.

And yes, if she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done. The only reason I didn’t do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Also, if the cake had fallen because I braked suddenly, that would be on me because I would have been responsible for it. That’s exactly the point: you take care of the thing in your hands. You don’t stick your palm in it and then act like it’s some unavoidable force of nature.

This wasn’t an “accident” like a sudden jolt or unexpected movement. This was her literally resting her hand on the cake the entire journey instead of the box, despite being told otherwise.

If she’d said “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” I honestly wouldn’t be bothered. But she didn’t apologise, didn’t take responsibility, and basically implied I was lucky she even touched the thing

Show quote history

she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done.

Next time do that then.

RaininSummer · 06/12/2025 09:48

Annoying but doesn't this full into the 'bloody hell Rachel what were you thinking' category. Then you never ask for her help again with delicate cakes. I don't think asking her to pay anything improves the situation.

Monty34 · 06/12/2025 09:47

I have said YABU for asking for half the money.

But, YANBU to be livid with her.

That nobody with an ounce of common sense imprint their whole hand on the top of the cake. But hold onto the sides of the box. Or have it on their lap. Was there no lid on the box ? If there was she must have removed it.

I cannot but think if it was a cake for her relative she would not have done that. More care would have been taken.
Not much of a friend.

IAmTheLogLady · 06/12/2025 09:46

Worralorra · 06/12/2025 09:38

Voted YABU for transporting the cake in a box without a lid…

Yes, why would anyone do this...?

iSage · 06/12/2025 09:45

It's an annoying thing to happen but there're no way your friend owes you any money. You still ate and presumably enjoyed the cake, it just didn't look as nice as it could have. In the grand scheme of things, this is very unimportant. Take it as a lesson learned - next time you buy a decorated cake, make sure they give you a decent box and bring a large plastic storage box of your own to take it home in.

Worralorra · 06/12/2025 09:38

Voted YABU for transporting the cake in a box without a lid…

IAmTheLogLady · 06/12/2025 09:29

PashaMinaMio · 05/12/2025 22:36

I’d probably drift away from the friendship. Little by little I’d distance myself. She obs has no common sense to know how to efficiently stabilise a delicate cake in the rear of a moving vehicle. Silly woman.

How does one efficiently stabilise a cake in a moving vehicle?

NotThisAgainPart74 · 06/12/2025 09:25

I do honestly see why you're annoyed but I don't think asking her to pay half is appropriate. If you had to buy a new cake then you might have asked for a contribution but you bought the cake and used it so if she pays you half what would you do with it? Is it to compensate you or your grandma?

Thundertoast · 06/12/2025 09:21

I dont think you can ask her to pay, but I also think she did it deliberately!
If at some point during the journey she has instinctively touched the cake like that that in order to hold it by accident, then surely any normal person would have gone 'oh shit, im so sorry, but ive smashed it a bit when I was stopping it from tipping' unless she's otherwise a deeply awful person, but in that case I doubt you'd be friends anyway...

Wynter25 · 06/12/2025 09:15

Meant to click yabu

TaraC25 · 06/12/2025 09:13

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

If she hadn't come with you, it could've ended up damaged anyway as would've been rolling around in the car?

Honestly I think you're being OTT. Lessons learnt here: don't spend some much on a cake, don't expect other people to have the same level of care/common sense that you do/accidents and carelessness do happen... One day you'll look back and laugh about the time the cake had a handprint in it.

Honestly, life's too short.

susiedaisy1912 · 06/12/2025 09:11

Strawberrydelight78 · 06/12/2025 09:05

Couldn't you have tidied it up a bit with some icing?

Yes because we all carry extra icing and a piping bag in our car when on the way to a party. 🙄

Grammarnut · 06/12/2025 09:08

Theslummymummy · 05/12/2025 22:35

Could you not eat the cake? I wouldn't be paying for a favour I did you, no.

She didn't do a favour, she squashed it. You hold a cake by the sides, not stick your hand on top. Weird woman.

Strawberrydelight78 · 06/12/2025 09:05

Couldn't you have tidied it up a bit with some icing?

stayok · 06/12/2025 08:58

Everything about this is very odd but no, you can’t expect your friend to pay for half your cake when she was doing you a favour. It’s just one of those things. My guess is her hand was resting lightly above it and you went over a speed bump and jolted her or something. But even if she actually deliberately put her hand on top of the cake, you can’t expect her to pay.

Invinoveritaz · 06/12/2025 08:57

I wouldn’t ask for payment but I would be wondering about my friendship with someone who thinks it’s ok to put their hand on top of a cake!
it does seem odd to pay that much for a cake and for it not to have a proper box to transport it in so the shop that sold it also must carry some of the blame.

SumUp · 06/12/2025 08:55

Your friend is a class 1 moron. But I don’t think you can expect her to pay for half. The bakery should have packed it better.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 06/12/2025 08:49

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 08:46

I'd really hate to be served cake someone had stuck their hand on like that.

This. Wtf.

Crushed23 · 06/12/2025 08:48

Sorry OP but YABVVVU and this is one of the most ridiculous threads I’ve read on MN.

If a friend so much as hinted that I should pay half for a cake that I had accidentally ruined the ‘presentation’ of (I mean really?!) but the cake was perfectly edible, after I’d done the friend a favour, I would definitely be drifting away from the friendship.

Swipe left for the next trending thread