To want my friend to pay for half of this cake?

PuffPastry84 · 2025-12-05T22:31:08+00:00

My gran turned 90 this past weekend and I’d organised a little party at my DB and DSIL’s house. I ordered a really lovely (and not cheap) cake from a local bakery. When I picked it up it was in one of those open-top boxes. My friend Rachel (name change obviously) came with me to help because I also had a load of presents and flowers, so she sat in the backseat holding the cake while I drove like I’d asked her We get to the house, I open the back door to get the cake and nearly died on the spot. She hadn’t held the box at all. Instead she’d planted her entire hand on the actual cake to “stabilise it”. A full palm print, right across the icing and into one of the decorations. Her explanation? “It was about to fall out!” We still served it but the photos are ruined and my gran asked why the cake looked a bit squashed on one side The cake cost £85. I said to Rachel afterwards that I thought she should pay half since the only reason it got damaged was because she grabbed the actual cake instead of the box. She’s now saying it was “just an accident” and that I’m being tight. AIBU to think that she didn’t use her common sense and therefore should cough up half? Or am I overreacting because it was my gran’s 90th?

MyMiniMetro · 08/12/2025 00:23

If your friend hadn’t been there, the cake would have bounced around the car and been completely inedible.

Now behave, stop being a dick and apologise to your friend for making them feel bad about an accident.

ktopfwcv · 07/12/2025 23:17

TanitaTikTokaram · 06/12/2025 07:29

Well she’s an idiot to have stuck her hand in it but try and imagine what it would look like after it’s been eaten just before you flush the toilet to help get a bit of perspective. It’s going to look a lot worse. Will you expect the eaters to pay for ruining it?

Huh?

ktopfwcv · 07/12/2025 07:50

firstofallimadelight · 06/12/2025 06:12

Firstly the cake co had some responsibility it needs a box with one of those pieces of card with a circular whole in to keep it in place and a lid.

its reasonable to be annoyed at her and her so what there’s a hand in the cake attitude is rubbish. Was it deliberate? I honestly can’t imagine someone that stupid.
I would be reconsidering the friendship, mainly because of how she was afterwards

I honestly can't imagine someone that stupid.

Can you not, aye

Fountofwisdom · 06/12/2025 22:34

YABU.

The cake was still edible and was eaten. Nobody present is still giving it a second thought apart from you. What ‘loss’ do you want her to pay for? You simply want to penalise her because you’re annoyed with her. Get a grip. If she has any sense, she’ll distance herself from YOU because you sound like hard work.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 22:30

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 22:09

No I asked her to sit 2 hours with her hand on a box. She chose to not touch the box and it nearly hit the deck. Not a big ask. Not difficult. Not tiring. Not uncomfortable. Not a huge box. A single tier. Maybe I should have hired the cake it's own driver. Or maybe I should have refused to drive her "sorry mum, the cake needs it's own seat."

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I suggest you try sitting for two hours in a chair with your hand on a box and see how comfortable you find it.

JillMW · 06/12/2025 22:23

Fruitcake… you and your friend but clearly not the cake

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 22:09

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 19:20

HIre something bigger or prioritise cake placement. I'm sure you could have rearranged things in your car. You asked your mother to travel four hours with a cake on her lap? That's a big uncomfortable ask to start with, and no doubt increased the risk of an accident with the cake. That's a long time to travel, let alone with a cake box on your lap. I feel sorry for your mother. She had an accident doing you a favour, in the way you chose for it to be transported, and now you're angry at her.

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No I asked her to sit 2 hours with her hand on a box. She chose to not touch the box and it nearly hit the deck. Not a big ask. Not difficult. Not tiring. Not uncomfortable. Not a huge box. A single tier. Maybe I should have hired the cake it's own driver. Or maybe I should have refused to drive her "sorry mum, the cake needs it's own seat."

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 06/12/2025 20:25

So a cake is more important than your friendship? Probably not so I would let it go. Sounds like an accident.

Did the baker not provide tips on how to transport it? I have always been advised to have it sitting in the passenger foot well.

PloddingAlong21 · 06/12/2025 20:05

PashaMinaMio · 05/12/2025 22:36

I’d probably drift away from the friendship. Little by little I’d distance myself. She obs has no common sense to know how to efficiently stabilise a delicate cake in the rear of a moving vehicle. Silly woman.

You’d seriously distance a friendship over something as silly as this? I dread to think what you’d do over something a tiny bit serious.

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 20:03

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 19:38

That's another poster, not OP.

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Ah ok thanks

Fdsew · 06/12/2025 19:48

OP, she's a moron and now you know.
I would definitely judge her as a bit of an idiot going forward, and rude to boot.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 19:38

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 19:37

Oh gosh. 4 hours! That's a massive ask. Really?

That's another poster, not OP.

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 19:37

Oh gosh. 4 hours! That's a massive ask. Really?

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 19:21

EasternEcho · 06/12/2025 10:12

I make cakes too and I know this. But I don't see any real deliberate reason for anyone to plant their hands inside messy frosting, other than for instinctively trying to save it. The board may have been smaller than the box and been sliding around. And if the board and cake were not fully secured, they can absolutely move around even on a stop.

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Yes, this sounds like a packaging problem to me.

birdsnestinghere · 06/12/2025 19:20

Solost92 · 06/12/2025 10:13

Drive an extra 4 hours rather than trust an adult to keep their hand on a box?

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HIre something bigger or prioritise cake placement. I'm sure you could have rearranged things in your car. You asked your mother to travel four hours with a cake on her lap? That's a big uncomfortable ask to start with, and no doubt increased the risk of an accident with the cake. That's a long time to travel, let alone with a cake box on your lap. I feel sorry for your mother. She had an accident doing you a favour, in the way you chose for it to be transported, and now you're angry at her.

MsGinaLinetti · 06/12/2025 14:59

Dogmum6 · 06/12/2025 12:17

You should have asked for a proper box. The fault lies with the cakemaker. How did they expect you to get it home and to the venue safely ? I would be speaking to them and if I was Rachel I would avoid you from now on.

I agree that this was not the correct method for transporting a cake but scrolling on one's phone when looking after an important and fragile item is infuriatingly careless.

Andromed1 · 06/12/2025 14:16

Oftenaddled · 05/12/2025 22:52

If you're not planning to replace the cake, you're not out of pocket. So you'd just be fining her, to punish her, not asking her to contribute to a solution. That's no way to treat someone who has messed up a bit while doing you a favour.

Exactly! The cake was enjoyed and your friend kindly helped you transport it. There was a minor accident. You should have carried the cake yourself if you mind so much. Like I wont let anyone else carry the cat basket into the vet because its so important to me that the basket doesn't break open.

Emmz1510 · 06/12/2025 13:15

She would have been better not holding it at all possibly. I’ve transported cakes in a car like this and usually because the back seat slopes slightly towards the back that prevents it moving much. Too much margin for human error when it’s being held. She was a silly twat and id make sure she knew I was annoyed but probably wouldn’t demand payment, no.

Cob81 · 06/12/2025 12:35

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

Rachel is a fucking dimwit moron with no common sense, but no I wouldn’t expect her to pay for half the cake already eaten, when I collect cakes i plonk them on the front seat of the car drive carefully and observe if it moves myself,why wasn’t she even in the front rather than the back? £85 is standard price for custom cakes it wasn’t a giant sculpture at that price that wouldn’t fit in the front so why was she in the back at all? She was engrossed on her phone and idioticly put too much pressure on the cake without realising because she’s a pure dope.

Stucknstoopit · 06/12/2025 12:31

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 23:36

I get what you’re saying, but I think people are massively downplaying what actually happened.

I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream.

And yes, if she wasn’t there, the cake would’ve gone on the front seat next to me. I’ve done that before with seat pushed back, seatbelt round the box, towel underneath, job done. The only reason I didn’t do that this time was because she insisted on coming along and we had gifts in the footwell.

Also, if the cake had fallen because I braked suddenly, that would be on me because I would have been responsible for it. That’s exactly the point: you take care of the thing in your hands. You don’t stick your palm in it and then act like it’s some unavoidable force of nature.

This wasn’t an “accident” like a sudden jolt or unexpected movement. This was her literally resting her hand on the cake the entire journey instead of the box, despite being told otherwise.

If she’d said “oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” I honestly wouldn’t be bothered. But she didn’t apologise, didn’t take responsibility, and basically implied I was lucky she even touched the thing

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-I asked her to hold the box steady with her hands on the outside of it. That’s literally it. A 5-second instruction a child could follow. I didn’t hand her a priceless artefact and demand financial liability. I asked her not to grab the buttercream-

seriously? You asked her these things specifically?
is she five?
if you had to give literal instructions as you say here PLUS telling her not to grab the buttercream , then why on earth would you trust her with your precious cargo, particularly when you can’t see her.
although you said you glanced over to see her on her phone, so your driving isn’t safe either.
why on earth was her hand on the cake? Was there no lid on the box? Or any kind of cover?
I don’t think it’s fair to blame your friend who you clearly didn’t trust otherwise you wouldn’t have given such explicit instructions.

sounds to me like the fault lies a) with the baker to not package it appropriately and b) with you for the reasons listed above plus not ensuring it was safely covered and putting all the responsibility on your friend when the cake was not packed safely in the first place

Evaka · 06/12/2025 12:24

I think you're being massively dramatic. If the cake was eaten what's the split cost for? I'd understand your point better had you replaced it or had it re-decorated.

Life is over in the blink of an eye. If she's a good friend, laugh it off. If she's a dick generally and you think this is yet another example of her shit behaviour, don't spend time with her or rely on her.

Dogmum6 · 06/12/2025 12:17

You should have asked for a proper box. The fault lies with the cakemaker. How did they expect you to get it home and to the venue safely ? I would be speaking to them and if I was Rachel I would avoid you from now on.

Classycollab · 06/12/2025 12:17

PuffPastry84 · 05/12/2025 22:59

I think some people are imagining a tiny dent or a wobble but this was a full-on handprint!
And the bit that’s really wound me up is that there was absolutely no care or common sense on her part. When we were driving, I even glanced back at one point and she was literally scrolling her phone with one hand.
When we arrived and I saw the damage, she didn’t apologise. Not once. No “oh god I’m so sorry”, no “I didn’t realise”. she acted like it was a bag of shopping!

Why are you friends with this person?😂

Videooooo · 06/12/2025 10:23

She sounds like kind of an idiot, but you can’t charge her for it. You asked her to do you a favour.

snoopythebeagle · 06/12/2025 10:18

You should have made sure you had a proper box/container. YABU.