To not talk about my personal life, even if people think I’m cold or secretive?

Made me chuckle 😆 Why are some people so over invested in lives of other people to the point of feeling sorry etc?

Pretty much everywhere I’ve ever worked has been extremely gossipy.

@ElleintheWoods, I also had a fake weekend life while in a VERY sociable job but, unknown to me, my ME/CFS was already starting and I did fuck all in my own time. After a few weeks of "Nothing, I was knackered", they started feeling really sorry for me. I obviously couldn't explain why I needed to veg on the sofa all the bloody time because I didn't know, so decided the easiest thing was to invent a social life, a few dates, etc. I considered making one of my imaginary dates into a boyfriend, but realised that would trip me up all over the place.

Whenever I really had done weekend things, I was so pleased that I got overly verbose about it ... and they thought I must be lying for some reason 😂

People can be pretty nuts and obsessive, and you never know which ones will be. With your B&M example, they could turn up at B&M? (Has happened)

More generally though, it’s always been pretty weird for me so at this point I make things up 🤣

If I say I’m single, so many conversations become about who might fancy me, who from their friends I should meet, single guys shooting their shot etc.

If I say I’m not single, I’ve literally had work colleagues challenge me on being overly friendly with other men and asking things like ‘are you still with your bf?’

Additionally I have weird hobbies in the UK context, like theatre opening nights, museums, meeting with famous artists etc. Usually I do this with male friends. Can’t really mention anything I really do in my spare time without it triggering uncomfortable comments or weird gossip. Unfortunately I’ve had too many instances of people talking about me in a really alienating and bullying way, like ‘she thinks she’s better than the rest of us’ or ‘she’s just a liar’ to be open about how I live my life.

So yeah, the only way is going ‘yeah, just went for a boozy brunch with my bunch of girlfriends who I love so much’ 🙈 ‘Their names? Oooh, Carry, Samantha, Charlotte, …’

End of the day you can share - or not - what you like @TheTaupeMoose . But you dont get to control how people view you because of that.

Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean you can just use your introversion as a reason to be rude to people.

You can’t just go through life expecting to never be uncomfortable or drained by things 🙄

OP, you keep saying that you're friendly, but I wonder if you come across that way? I'd probably not find your approach friendly TBH

Endless small talk being uncomfortable and/or draining is a feature of introversion.

To be honest 'got any plans for the weekend' on a Friday followed by 'what did you get up to at the weekend' on a Monday, from multiple people, every week for eternity is pretty boring anyway.

But your first paragraph is what the OP is complaining about.apparent it's " too personal" to say what film they watched at the weekend

It seems to me that you're the one who doesn't understand introversion - because it has absolutely nothing to do with how much information you share with others. It also has very little to do with being quiet. You can be a sociable, chatty introvert just like you can be a quiet extrovert.

Being naturally quiet and introverted is not the same as being rude and closed off.

@saraclara I can understand this: I am definitely not an oversharer and I have pretty hard lines about not discussing personal subjects with people I don’t know well or trust. That’s completely reasonable.

But the OP’s behaviour seems to be deliberately cold and unwelcoming; a signal that basic social courtesy is somehow inappropriate and off limits. She’s well within her rights to do this but she shouldn’t be surprised that other people feel belittled and shut down.

I don't 'not like people' either. But not being very chatty and liking my privacy is definitely part of my own introverted personality.

As I said in my earlier post, having children definitely loosened up that side of me, because people showing interest in my babies is something that I really appreciated, and I began to recognise that I should be showing interest in people too, because it's a nice thing to do and it makes them feel good. Somehow I'd missed that memo for thirty years.

This. It immediately shuts the other person down. It says: “I am not going there with you. Back off.”

Theres a place for this. If someone asks you a genuinely prying question such as “Do you and your husband get on well?” that response would be entirely reasonable.

But if the question is: “What did you do at the weekend?” and you purse your lips and say something icily bland, people are going to find this a bit hostile.

It isn’t even really about what you did at the weekend. No one actually cares. Its about the ability to respond with a smile and a bit of courtesy and show openness and respect.

You sound like hard work!

That's actually rude. So you say "what did you do at the weekend?" and they give you an answer along the lines of "took the kids ice-skating then had my mother over for Sunday lunch. What about you?" - do you just say "oh, not much really" and then head down, get busy with work? I'd think you were prying and odd. And next time I'd give back what I'd got. I would not consider you part of a workplace team at all.

I’m the same OP. I very rarely divulge details about my personal life to anyone. My DH thinks it’s weird because he just spouts off to anyone and everyone but I just think it’s more professional to talk about work related things than your private life.

This has got nothing to do with introversion. This is a bizarre fastidiousness about appearing to be human.

The OP for some reason wants to project this perfect professional sheen without any hint of being a person with human relationships or needs. It honestly comes across as being either quite neurotic or very self absorbed.

I really wish people would stop attributing all odd of antisocial behaviour to “being an introvert”. Introverts aren’t misanthropes or “people who don’t like people”. They’re just people who need alone time to charge their social batteries.

She won't divulge what films she likes not her fave restaurants either because it's too...personal.

Introversion is not staying tight lipped about what film you saw on the weekend. Plenty of introverts are quite happy to give and take conversationally because that’s how human relationships are formed.

Introversion is a hard wired preference for recharging in solitude and your own inner world. Introversion is not shyness or a fear of interacting with others as the OP clearly has. The vast majority of my colleagues would consider themselves introverts (as do I); it doesn’t make them socially awkward.

Wow. I'm finding this thread enlightening.

I'm very like you, OP (though I loosened up somewhat when I had children). What I'm finding astonishing about this thread is how offended most posters seem to be at someone not sharing unimportant stuff. Some people seem genuinely angry at your fairly classic introversion.

It had never occurred to me that my quietness might offend people. I've always had really good relationships with my colleagues, even if I didn't share a lot about my life. But I've always shown an interest in them.

And then the accusation of you deliberately acting mysteriously for attention! It's the bloody opposite for most of us like you. We don't want the attention and interest!

I honestly thought that introversion and extroversion was well understood these days, but apparently not.

Yanbu. I had a boss who called me aloof. 😁

He was American and felt the need to tell us his entire home life, down to his aunt Edna's ingrowing toenail.

The office wasn't lacking noise. There was no need for me to share anything.

He was awful. Terribly nosy.

And if they say ‘oooh where did you go?’ Do you reply or just keep it vague?

I wouldn’t actually pick up on you being private or evasive unless I suppose your answers to such questions would be ‘I’d prefer not to say’ then I’d think it was odd.

Do you ask questions back? In which case it’s sounding relatively normal to me!

I'm very private too. I'm not interested in other people's business (beyond shared interests), and don't expect them to be interested in mine. I also dislike when people volunteer too much information. I don't actually care.

I’ve made it a habit to be as bland as possible at work. If people want to know about my life, I stick to the boring stuff. Married, no of kids/ages, etc, but nothing specific about them. Most people are very easily deflected when you ask them questions about themselves and only too happy to turn the conversation back to that instead.

Nor should you feel obliged to do so. In the workplace, keep it light, discuss what books your reading, what you’re watching TV/Netflix, the difficulty in finding reliable tradesmen, where you would like to go on holiday etc etc etc.
I had one too many nosey busybodies in the workplace who would ask intrusive questions which I refused to answer and would give them a hard stare before walking away.

These were people who would share (with anyone prepared to listen) every detail of their divorce, their finances and likes and dislikes if everyone they ever worked with.
Be pleasant, friendly but keep your personal information to yourself.