To be fuming with husband

I honestly wouldn’t expect dh to be in touch on a night out, he’s having a night off!! And assuming it’s not a weekly occurrence 2 am is fine. Doesn’t your dh get to enjoy himself?

This seems fine to me for a work Christmas do, YABU.

It’s just to do with expectations.

If OP and her other half usually text each other every hour and don’t come home late then doing the opposite would be annoying. Her expectations haven’t been managed and she is aggrieved. it’s not unreasonable to feel angry, just how it is approached can be reasonable or unreasonable.

Everyone piling in calling her a cow and pathetic need to chill their beans.

This. So needy

If roles were reversed, would your husband be pissed off with you for not responding? My ex was totally hypocritical for this sort of thing - boyz night meant radio silence from him but god forbid I didn’t give regular updates on my safety if I was out.

Saying that, I would know I was being a bit unreasonable, but I would also be cross with my DH if he hadn’t contacted me for hours or checked I’d made a 4 hour drive safely.

Why wouldn’t you be ok? Is one of you terminally ill?

It may come as a surprise to you, but there was a time when no one had a mobile phone on them at all times. And we went on nights out with no contact possible with people at home. Yes, we actually survived nights out without being in constant contact with others. Fancy that!

Actually I kind of do know what you mean about checking in after driving kids somewhere, but only because I've just realised my husband does always text me to say - drive all go OK, were the kids OK.

I've never really thought about him doing this before.There's no reason for him to, I'm fine taking the kids away. But I've just realised what a nice thing it is that he checks in with us. It's basically just enquiring if I've had a stressful time.

I wouldn't be annoyed if he didn't, to be honest I'm not sure I'd notice.

I think if he's nice enough to usually show you that consideration, maybe try and reframe it in your head as feeling good about him usually doing it. He doesn't sound like he's an inconsiderate drunken lout or anything generally.

I also think it's OK to have generally high expectations of things your partner does normally too though,, because you're both usually very connected and considerate of each other. That doesn't make you a controlling psychopath. Just maybe don't get annoyed if they don't happen every time.

My husband checks in if he's sat at work or home and we've gone somewhere, but not if he's on a night out. Thanks for making me realise what a nice thing that is for him to do.

YABU
You drive him to his works Xmas night out so you knew how it was going to be.

2:30 am for that sort of do is very reasonable. I’ve stayed out til 5 and wasn’t an issue, even when we had young kids.

Of course you're being unreasonable. Completely ridiculous in fact.

Most people manage to take their children out without someone checking that they got home ok.

is there a reason why you're concerned that he didn't? Are you vulnerable in some way? An incompetent parent? A crap driver? Just incapable of being out in the world alone because you're a woman? Presumably, he didn't feel the need to be checking up on you and just trusts you.

And which was it 'strolling in' or 'waltzing in'? And how is that different to just 'getting home' or 'walking in'? Because I'm going on my works night out tonight. I'll probably message my partner once to let him know I'm there because he won't be home when i go out. I probably won't message him.to say I'm coming home because he'll just go to bed if I'm late. But maybe I need to consider how I enter the house so as not to upset him too.

Or is it just that you expect that you and the childen should be at the forefront of his mind at all times?

I'm impressed he waltzed in. I stumbled in after my works Xmas do ! And hadn't texted DH all night - but he knows what to expect on these nights.

Do you feel a lack of care and consideration more generally in the relationship? I ask because I think if you were generally content this lone incident wouldn’t be a big issue.

If it’s not part of a bigger pattern of inconsiderate behaviour YABU.

Another massive overreaction.

Why can’t he have a night out? Why do you need to be checked up on for driving 2 hours? People do that all the time.

He was on a night out, sitting there texting you constantly is rude. Plus as you say, he had no battery. My ex always used to get in a mood with me when I went out, it really did ruin it for me. Why can’t some partners last one evening without a stream of messages expected checking in on everything. Let him have one night out without getting angry at him. It’s not good behaviour in a relationship imo.

What is it with the pathetic women on here? It’s not that long ago we didn’t have mobile phones to check we were breathing every 5 minutes.

You are being ridiculous

People are very precious.

I can't imagine getting worked up about this ever!

I kind of expect a text when DH is abroad with work, but if he's in London on a night out? No!!!!

Well at least he didn’t crawl in .

YANBU to worry about him.

YABU to say he should have checked you were ok because you had taken the kids out by yourself, what is that about?!

I can see why you might of worried about his whereabouts if he is normally in contact with you. I normally hear from my husband a couple of times via messages on nights out. I would be concerned about his welfare if his phone went to voicemail and he was later than usual home, assuming he’d not told you his battery was dying.

I wouldn’t fall out tho, I’d just be relieved when he got home safe and sound.

I’m not sure what you mean about driving to an event and not knowing if you were ok? Is there a problem with your car?

Did he waltz back in or stroll back? Or both?

Yes you’re being a cow.
i really can’t see what’s wrong with this, went out to Christmas do, phone died, he came home late.
Are you a bit jealous of his night out?

You left out why you wouldn’t be ok driving somewhere 2 hours away and back… People do that all the time and if there’s a reason why you might not be ok then presumably you wouldn’t have booked it as it’s a leisure visit rather than something serious like a hospital visit.

2:30am sounds fine unless he is working today or noisy coming in which is very annoying.

Unless he had committed to helping with the DC or your outing in some way, YABU.

He trusted your DC were safe with their very capable mother - no need to check up on you while he's on a planned night out.

we’ve got two little kids and he knew I’d driven them 2 hours away and back this evening for a Xmas event

How is this relevant to him being on his works Christmas do? Why is this a big deal? Presuming you and the kids are absolutely fine ….?

You’re sounding incredibly insecure over a non-issue.

Don’t be ridiculous and controlling. Not a good look!