Ski trip cost- are we subsidizing “host “ family

We’ve taken extra kids on all our summer holidays since our kids became teenagers but I draw the line at ski holidays. They are just too complicated and expensive. Not to mention the not insignificant risk of someone breaking a limb!

Is it too late to back out, OP?

Surely they'll have had a budget in mind, able to afford a trip doesnt mean able to pay more than that if each non-family child pays £1640 thats £6560 when the whole trip is £6100.

Its not like a dinner where one person got desert, its a massive difference. I dont think being asked for what amounts to double an equal share its not unreasonable to ask about the discrepancy.

And tbh if they arent friendly enough to answer with grace I wouldnt want my child go on future trips with them

Oh wow, ok so I take back what I said about £1,600 being about right. I thought that was for a week and maximum 2 to a room.

How are they renting a 7 seater when there will be 8 of them??

Yes to be honest I think it’s very generous of people to offer to take other children on holiday, I wouldn’t expect hosts to have to cover out of pocket costs involved in extending the invite, as long as it is clear upfront.

I don’t think it’s a problem in principle that OP has been asked to contribute, it’s the lack of transparency over costs which seem rather high that’s the issue.

I think it’s rude and pretty offensive to have sent a message without any context about why I’m being asked for about double what the simple maths works out at but there you go.

Its also immature to jump to pulling out as opposed to getting to the bottom of what’s being asked for, it’s a simple discussion to have.

I also think it is fair to say 'the boys want to go skiing, and we are happy to take them, but we can't afford to do it unless everyone shares the costs. We have tried to keep costs down so this is the kind of accommodation we are thinking of booking and these are the details of other costs.'

However, it doesn't sound as though this is a trip where somebody has tried to keep costs down.

It’s not rude it’s factual and discussions around money are facts & figures, it’s a simple question and if OP has misunderstood then the host family can simply answer the factual question.

People tip toeing around these kind of discussions with passive aggressive not wanting to offend anyone whishy washy- ness is what causes more confusion & misunderstandings.

Exactly how we deal with it.

We have a ski trip planned and I have said my son can bring 2 friends, and his cousin. We have booked and paid for the accommodation. The 3 additional teens are our guests and I haven’t asked parents to contribute to that. At the point of invitation I said that we would like parents to cover flights, ski pass and ski hire. They would also need money for food on the mountain and Apres. Breakfast and Dinners at the chalet would be covered by us, as would the 3 dinners we have planned to eat out. Parents of all 3 guests immediately offered to contribute to meals and chalet food. I just think the hosts should have been crystal clear at the point of invitation so you could have accepted or declined accordingly. So unless a breakdown of the bill is forthcoming, and they are all things you are happy to pay for you probably need to pull your son off the trip.

Sounds insanely expensive. I'd do a 'Thanks for the info, this is much more than we were expecting, could you send a breakdown as we can't get the maths to work and are trying to figure it all out'. We've done multiple 'shared trips with kids'. I've never known the organiser not to send the Airbnb link, showing costs, and agreeing how to share before booking.

Honestly, piss take! If I was inviting other kids to come and I would say we pay for accommodation and the invitees pay for travel, ski pass etc and maybe some spends. But, at the very least, should be split as you suggest.

Maybe lessons are included too?

We used to go in groups. There are discounts on groups. One friend out in a lot of effort organising these bug had a free holiday. If you put the holiday in your name you become responsible for the balance of the payment. Someone casually asked my husband if we'd go on one of these and he must have nodded. I was unaware of it and wouldn't have been able to go on that date. Apparently people dropped out and tge couple didn't get tgeir free holiday so they took a county court claim put against me. I was asked about my knowledge of the trip. I denied any knowledge and the plaintiffs were asked to show copies of the paperwork including our names, none was available. But the plaintiff said we were comfortably off and I could afford to reimburse them. I won and did in fact organise a trip for the following year. When I confirmed the holiday I listed the split of the invoice showing the names of those sharing rooms and a breakdown of the invoice. I added a small charge for admin, postage etc. One thing we did include was adequate insurance per person. I've had the privilege of flying over the Alps in a WW2 plane with its pilot, so seen heliskiing from above. Unfortunately I was born with problems walking and wore built up shoes when small. I'm knock kneed and have no co-ordination as well as having arthritis. So I can walk using poles and was very fit as I was quite happy in high altitude. One year one of the Aussie ski instructors offered to take me round the slopes on his skis promising not to dropme in the dips. He told me that my knees were misshapen. A few years ago it was recommended that I had new knees. Then we had Covid-19 and the consultant suggested I had new X rays and he'd send me to the local hospital to see a consultant there. He said as my knees weren't straight I wasn't suitable for an operation as replacement knees are straight. I believe there are more sophisticated and expensive alternatives now.

I must be a rude person then. Because it would be the first I’d ask. I would not find anyone asking me such a question rude though, as I appreciate that people want to know what they are giving me money for. I cannot understand how it’s rude to ask what the cost breakdown for something is, but it’s not rude to not ask, then be surprised, then moan and bitch about it on MN without actually knowing what the full costs are. And if the full costs are £800 and not a penny more, but the host family want £1640, then I do also think that!s CFery but you can’t not ask because you think it’s rude to ask.

Anyway. I’m not the one here being possibly (or possibly not, who knows?) fleeced over a kid’s trip with a friend.

This is good. Just ask - and come back and tell us!
As above, 300 for the ski pass is way too much in the Alps for 4 days, should be nearer 200 (easy to find out online).
Should be very straightforward to work out one-eighth of the apartment.
Your son pays separately for flights, insurance, ski hire, food on the mountain.
Then you are left with transfers from the airport (share of the car + petrol) and evening meals (one-eighth of the grocery shop). I'd be happy for the hosts to take these two up front but it doesn't come to the figure you've been quoted.

I think they have divided car hire, breakfast, dinner, ski hire, accommodation by the six DC.

Yes, they're asking you to cover their costs. Some subsidy might be OK as they're looking after your DC, but not that much!

This feels very expensive to me. For comparison, we just booked a week in February for £1,150pp (7 going) in one of the main snowsure French Alps resorts. This includes accommodation (4 bed apartment within a hotel), flights from London, transfer from Grenoble airport and ski lift. It also includes extra suitcases/ski bags. Most of our group have their own skis but those who don’t will rent (about £140 for the week). We will make our own breakfasts and lunches in the apartment to keep costs down. We are technically ski in ski out onto a nursery slope, 50m from another lift and a short walk to the main lifts/free bus if you don’t want to walk with skis.

I agree you need a full breakdown. Where are they going?? Sounds very expensive, but not unreasonable as skiing can be! Have to shop around for a good deal.

That’s an incredibly rude message though that most people would not want to send.

There are far better ways to rephrase this in a less aggressive and confrontational way and other posters have already given examples.

Your updates make this all so much worse....this family sound like absolute CFs.

Ah, well that’s an easy one to resolve then.

OP: ‘Hi HostMum, you say the lift pass is £300 and the accommodation is £4k - divide that by the 8 people staying and that’s £500 each. I make that £800. What’s the other £840 for?’

It’s not a trick question, it’s purely a fact finding exercise. Sensible people would ask this question and other sensible people would answer it. But none of that would give the drama of a MN thread. 🙄

So they've invited four other teens so their DC will have friends on their holiday but apart from a dinner or two they're 1) not prepared to pay for anything for their guests and 2) they're trying to split the accommodation by room rather than per person. Even if your £1600 includes money towards their car hire it's still too high Op.
Trouble is, now you've said yes asking for a proper breakdown is going to be awkward and your DC won't be happy if you cancel. Moral of this story- never say yes until you've seen the bottom line

I think that's a good message.

Is the extra cost for a minibus because surely they aren’t planning 8 people + luggage in a 7 seater car???

I’d just message and say that’s a bit more than we were expecting as we thought accommodation share + lift pass would = X not Y and is the extra to cover a bigger hire car?
I’d also have a secondary concern now that he’s not going to get a seatbelt on what is potentially a sketchy journey, motorways/mountain roads, so would want reassurance on that as much as where the money is going.

It seems over the top to take an additional four children along. That is a LOT!

I imagine this number is quite strategic tbh and now the OP is finding out why.