Or was my birthday shit?

This. ⬆️ You're being a bit childish. Your life involves having a working husband & parenting your children. You agreed to celebrate on a different date, had an entire weekend to do so, your husband bought you gifts & can't have been home that late if your kids were still up. You still had the entire evening to open gifts, have a glass of wine, get a takeaway, etc. That's a pretty standard weekday birthday for most adults with a family, I'd say!! 🤷‍♀️

I’m going to go against the grain here. I can completely see why you’d be hurt. While you might have had a weekend away, you wanted to feel a little bit special on the day. I don’t think that's unreasonable at all. You are not asking for the world, only that he come home early that day. And if that really wasn’t possible, he could’ve done something else small to surprise you on the day or make your day nicer. The weekend you had away was something you organised and it’d have been nice if he took the lead on doing something for you. I wonder if perhaps that’s what is behind this all. It sounds like you are carrying the home side of things and just want to be seen and feel valued. Of course you benefit from his working long hours in a financial sense but this doesn’t mean you don’t have other needs too. I think he just thought in his head the birthday was ‘done’ that weekend so didn’t think further and you wanted him to. It’s hard for both people in a marriage, I think modern life means we are all running so much and get little time to catch our breath. I think maybe you both need to find ways of showing you appreciate each other on a regular basis. Best wishes x

I don’t think you’re unreasonable - but equally you shouldn’t have to wait for one specific day a year just to feel special. Does he not bother much the rest of the time either?

Matching other people's energy regarding birthdays is very freeing. My brother and SIL forgot my birthday 3 years in a row ( it's in the early summer so apparently very inconvenient because it's in the middle if a the end of school year stuff. Neither are teachers , my SIL has only 1 very well behaved daughter, who my brother loves but takes absolutely no responsibility for ,and is not expected to attend any school stuff ,but apparently its very stressful and inconvenient to have to put a piece of card in a envelope and post it). After the third year I decided to say nothing and do nothing. No card , no present, no text, no nothing for his birthday 3 weeks after mine. He was very unhappy about being ignored. He hasnt forgotten my birthday since . His wife always said " Oh well birthdays aren't very important to X" when he forgot mine. Turned out it was just other people's birthdays that weren't important. Match someone else's energy.

4th quarter was ridiculously busy and stressful where I worked. If my OH had booked a weekend away to celebrate their birthday knowing how busy I was at work on the actual day, I’d have taken that at face value, so I am with your DH I‘m sfraid. I also worked in an environment which demanded long hours all year round. That said, I think it’s easy to fall into the always working long hours as a habi. . That is something you could have a conversation about. But don’t make it about your birthday.

Happy Birthday

I too am a december birthday, we celebrated last weekend with going to see a show at the theatre. My son is away on my birthday with cubs camp. I gave up on my birthday date - friends have work dos, no money for extra meals out, busy busy busy! To make up for it being “overshadowed” by Christmas I have a june birthday as well - normally a weekend away.

I understand why your upset, my DH can have meeting with China at 7am and USA at 7pm or just not be in the country. Its rubbish but generally its not my DH fault I was born in December and work is busy. We choose for him to do something for work that keeps him happy and challenged.

Yabu

If I was your husband I'd have thought the lovely weekend away was the celebration ...he was there for that and you both enjoyed it

You admit he is busy at work and you knew he would be.

You could have made today special for yourself by having a little party tea and cake with the kids instead of getting more and more annoyed that husband wasn't home.

YANBU but only if you are under the age of 9.

This

Well he did say he was busy and you’ve already celebrated it. It always surprises me on here how upset some adults get about a non significant birthday. I couldn’t care less it’s my bday and happy to go to work and do my normal stuff. I guess your DH must know you don’t feel like that though but if he is busy, he’s busy. He has bought you gifts, unlike many men on here who can’t even be bothered to get a card.

Him being busy with work is not like him being busy with a hobby. Supposedly you profit from the fruit of his work.

He went on a week-end and he gave you gifts for your birthday that you now refuse to open. Sorry but you are being unreasonable and precious. Unless your name is Catherine you don't get to be a princess.

You sound a bit precious

Do adults care so much about their birthdays?! Sorry OP, YABVU

I can see why you are miffed. You should have got a happy birthday & a kiss before he left.

He should have asked if you wanted him to pick up a takeaway on his way home, even if you then rang & ordered it once he let you know he was on his way.

You both had a weekend away but it involved no effort from him with any thought or organisation.

I don't think you should have refused to open presents. You could have had a nice time relaxing together with a chat & glass of wine together once the kids were settled.
If he was a whingey git when he came home with still no acknowledgement or happy birthday then your behaviour was understandable.

Yes he's busy at work. You are busy every day with the kids (from the sound of it). He gets paid for his busy.
Sometimes it's the feeling of being unappreciated which is the real kicker on "your" day.

I think you both need to talk about this. Tell him what you want for next year. Tell him you will be matching his energy for his next birthday. He can organise his birthday weekend for the 2 of you. He can organise the childcare.
If he's not a "birthday person" he won't be bothered anyway & this is something you will have to work out between you.

You already had a weekend away, you have presents on top of that, and he pre communicated to you he would be busy with work on your birthday.

Did he say he would be home early / did you ask him to come home early? If not, YABU to be moody he wasn't home early given all of the above.

If he didn't say happy birthday to you at any point throughout the day that is shit of him and would upset me - so YANBU to be upset about that.

As for your complaints about him always being busy with work - whether YABU here depends on why he is working so hard.

Is he the sole earner? How many kids do you have, how are your finances? What kind of lifestyle does his work fund for you (assuming a nice one given you can afford a nice weekend away and a baby sitter).

You can't have everything in life - if he is the sole earner and earning a good enough wage to support his family and be able to afford to take you away for your birthday (and buy presents), then you have to accept he is going to be working a lot.

If you want him to be around more, would you have to start working pr increase your hours to afford the same lifestyle? Would you be happy to accept a lifestyle change to have your DH around more?

Going against the tide here but I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I can see why you are hurt and annoyed. You organised your own bday weekend and he couldn't even text you on your bday or leave work a bit early? Even if he couldn't leave early he could have still made a fuss of you in other low key ways.

you'll get loads of posters telling you life doesn't revolve around you or you are being spoilt but actually your partner's life should revolve around you and your partner should care for you and care and spoil you on your bday, not just shrug his shoulders and say what more doing you want

So you went away for a weekend because you knew he'd be busy on the day.....then complained when he was busy on the day

I always took the day off

I'm not sure exactly how this all played out in advance, but one of the most frustrating things in relationships of any kind is when someone initially acts accommodating/flexible and then gets angry or difficult about being taken up on that. It feels like a trap.

So it might look like you saying "I know my birthday is always at a ridiculously busy time for you at work, so let's celebrate the weekend before when you're off. I'll book us a little getaway without the DC and it will be great."
He says wonderful, he really appreciates you coming up with a compromise that makes space for his long work days this time of year while still really celebrating you for your birthday. You both go and have a great weekend. He buys presents for you to open on the actual day as well.
On your birthday he tells you happy birthday in the morning then heads off and the two of you go about your normal weekday routine. He comes home at roughly the same time he does every night this time of year ready to open the presents he got you and... suddenly you weren't ok with moving your birthday celebration to the prior weekend and your planning a weekend away was actually a symbol of him being useless and you're not going to open presents to demonstrate how awful the day was and how it was his fault.

Don't do this. Don't offer flexibility or compromise that he isn't supposed to actually take you up on. It will never end in either of you feeling good.

You had your birthday last weekend, but you're still moaning? Odd.

I think he should have acknowledged your birthday, did he not say happy birthday before he left for work? It wouldn’t take two seconds to send a gif at the very least! Poor behaviour.

Im on the fence about him not being home on time if it’s been accepted it’s his ‘busy time’ every other year, he obviously thinks your expectations are low on the actual day.

You could just do your gifts over the weekend you choose to celebrate on? Alternatively, agree a time he will be home (factoring in inevitable lateness) and get a take away?

I wouldn’t ruin your birthday over it, just sounds like you need to communicate better about it.

This sounds like a much more general feeling that you aren’t a priority for him at all with the birthday just being the catalyst to voicing your discontent.

Is that the case? Does he ever make you feel important to him? Do you feel that he loves you?

I've read all of your updates. I think you are acting like a spoilt brat.

You went away at a weekend to celebrate your birthday. It doesn't matter which of you organised it, you both benefitted.

Refusing to open your presents when he did get home was a dick move, like a petulant and ungrateful child. I think you need to apologise for that and climb down.

Eeek, sorry but I do think you're being a bit OTT about this. Soooo tired from a day looking after your own children that you couldn't open your presents? Come on, that's definitely martyr territory.