Page 3 | 6 year old is sad to only have 2 words to say in nativity

Crowandrow · 2025-12-04T22:02:50+00:00

Hi everyone, I just wanted to ask a question. My six year old son is very sad to only have 2 words to say in the nativity. He says that everyone else has lots of words and are in more than one scene. He is in one scene. He doesn't usually get upset by things but keeps mentioning how upset by this he is. He is also quite honest and tells me what is going on (telling me if he got in trouble etc) so I believe him. he is also really sad that he has never got a certificate at all. He said quite sadly to me: I've shown perseverance! Why haven't I got one like everyone else? WIBU to raise it with the teacher?something along the lines of: my son is a bit sad that he's got such a small part/ hasn't got a certificate unlike everyone else. I don't want to overstep, annoy the teacher or make things difficult for my son though. How should I approach it? thank you.

sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:34

@Crowandrow did your son say he wanted a bigger part?

Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:33

MowingMachine · 04/12/2025 23:27

Time for your son to learn some resilience, OP. Everything doesn't always go how we want it to, and we need to learn how to come back from that.

I agree that resilience is very important. But so is fairness, especially to very small children. I'll work on his accepting of this, for sure. But will also continue to see where I need to advocate for him.

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Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:31

Icecreamisthebest · 04/12/2025 23:28

I'd say to your son that it's great that he is in a class with so many other kids who are trying their best and also deserve certificates and that it must be hard for the teacher to choose. Remind him that only one child receives a certificate each week (if this is correct - clarify first!) and that his turn will come. You can advocate for him next term if he still has not received one.

I'd be very surprised if all the other children have lots more to say during the nativity. But all you can do here is make him feel really good about the part he has. Focus on how much fun he will have and doing the best job that he can.

Thank you so much, this is so useful!

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Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:31

Dramatic · 04/12/2025 23:24

If this is the case it could be up to 90 kids doing the nativity, there's no way 90 kids have several lines each and are in multiple scenes. I wouldn't rely on what your son is seeing in rehearsals, he's probably not noticing the ones who don't have lines at all or who only have one line like him

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Well each class has a scene which is 3 pages long (we got the entire script) so there is plenty it appears to go round.

but heyho, theres no changing it now, will just prop up my son.

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Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:29

Kettledodger · 04/12/2025 22:28

From the dawn of time the “middle of the road” children are often overlooked imo. Not saying that it’s right but just saying that it has always been thus and those of us that have children that just get on with things need us to be their advocates.

Exactly. I was just such a child, it feels pretty awful!

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Icecreamisthebest · 04/12/2025 23:28

I'd say to your son that it's great that he is in a class with so many other kids who are trying their best and also deserve certificates and that it must be hard for the teacher to choose. Remind him that only one child receives a certificate each week (if this is correct - clarify first!) and that his turn will come. You can advocate for him next term if he still has not received one.

I'd be very surprised if all the other children have lots more to say during the nativity. But all you can do here is make him feel really good about the part he has. Focus on how much fun he will have and doing the best job that he can.

MowingMachine · 04/12/2025 23:27

Time for your son to learn some resilience, OP. Everything doesn't always go how we want it to, and we need to learn how to come back from that.

ResusciAnnie · 04/12/2025 23:25

cariadlet · 04/12/2025 22:19

re certificates, most schools will only give one certificate a week. We're still in term 2 so most children won't have been given one yet. He might feel that everyone else has had one but that's very unlikely.

I'd tell him that his turn will come and encourage him to focus on the positives at school rather than the negatives. If he still hasn't had a certificate by summer half-term, that's the time to mention it to the teacher as - even at a rate of one a week - in an average class of 30 children, everyone should have had a certificate by then.

No way, our school gives out certificates all over the place. It's great! The kids love it and gives them all a boost, costs barely anything surely but reaps loads of rewards in motivation and confidence.

OP that's sad and I would certainly check in with the teacher, see if there's anything he could do to wangle a certificate 😉

Dramatic · 04/12/2025 23:24

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:18

I'm unsure to be honest, the communication from school isn't always clear. It's 3 form entry so I think the nativity may be separated into year groups, so each year group does a nativity.

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If this is the case it could be up to 90 kids doing the nativity, there's no way 90 kids have several lines each and are in multiple scenes. I wouldn't rely on what your son is seeing in rehearsals, he's probably not noticing the ones who don't have lines at all or who only have one line like him

sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:23

@Crowandrow so if there are 90 children how many lines do you think there are that can be shared across all those children?

Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:23

Lindtnotlint · 04/12/2025 23:07

Honestly you need to drop all this. Half the class are in the second half of the class to get a certificate! They are not given out “in merit order” and it does NOT matter whether he has received one. I would really not be encouraging him to fixate on it and by fixating on it yourself there is a real risk that that feeling “leaks” out to him. The nativity thing is almost certainly untrue - as in, he has a small part along with a load of other kids who also have a small part.

I really don’t think you need to intervene - this is just being in a class and how life is. If the report back from Gran from the nativity is ALL the kids had loads more lines then by all means ask if there was a particular reason he was not offered the same. Equally after nearly 30 weeks of the year have passed and people are getting their second certificates it may be appropriate to mention - you are miles away from that.

your son is doing great. Big him up at home, and teach him that he is awesome regardless of certificates and to make the best of whatever part or role he has. This will mean far more for how he grows and develops than any of the minor disappointments he has going through!

Good luck - you obviously really care about him and it’s lovely.

Thank you for your post. As I've already posted, I do intend to continue to prop up his confidence and wait and see post the nativity.

Don't worry - I'm not fixated on it, when he mentions it I always say things like: oh but you say your line wonderfully!

regarding the certificates, I have only said to him that there are many children in the class and I'm sure it'll be his turn soon.

I just wanted to know if this is what others would do - I didn't want to undermine him by giving him these responses.

as you say, it's because I care!!

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AmberRose86 · 04/12/2025 23:23

When my eldest was in lower primary she used to get upset about being overlooked. She performed well but she was shy and quiet. She used to get upset about the injustice of being overlooked. I played it right down - these certificates are about encouraging other kids to do well, she doesn’t need that encouragement because she’s doing well all by herself etc.

She’s in P7 now and is far from overlooked. She’s flying. Her teachers love her. She also does not care for certificates of mediocrity. She has nothing to prove.

Lamentingalways · 04/12/2025 23:21

Dont do it! It’s so cringe. They know he only has two lines, they know some kids are sad about it. My daughter said exactly the same thing to me earlier. She is exceptionally confident and well spoken btw and that’s not a brag because her twin brother is a pillock so I can admit their strengths and weaknesses. My response was this: ‘I understand you’re sad and I’m sorry about that, these things happen, sometimes we don’t get what we want.’ And we went about our day.

Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:18

sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:17

Is it just one class doing the nativity? At DS's school (one form entry), YR and KS1 classes did the nativity play together. YR danced, Y1 sang and Y2 had the majority of lines.

I'm unsure to be honest, the communication from school isn't always clear. It's 3 form entry so I think the nativity may be separated into year groups, so each year group does a nativity.

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Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:17

MaPringle · 04/12/2025 23:11

This happened to my grandson and we encouraged him to ask the teacher ‘what do I have to do to get a certificate?’ He got it shortly after that. Sometimes the quiet well behaved ones don’t seem to get noticed. A gentle reminder coming from him can’t hurt. Better from him than you.

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Yes sadly this is often the case, I have seen it.

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sittingonabeach · 04/12/2025 23:17

Is it just one class doing the nativity? At DS's school (one form entry), YR and KS1 classes did the nativity play together. YR danced, Y1 sang and Y2 had the majority of lines.

Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:16

Looociee · 04/12/2025 23:07

OMG OP this is lurdicrous. I can't believe people are replying to this seriously. No you don't say anything and you teach him this is part of life

Well it's hardly ludicrous. I'm a teacher, believe me certificates are often given on merit (in all the 20 schools I've worked in).

That is the premise that his school gives certificates on. Having said that, he's not had one yet for quite a long while and he is sad about it, which is why I wanted to ask how best to approach it.

I have not said that I will go in all guns blazing but he is my son and I will work out the best way to help him.

in fact, I reposted to say that I will work on his confidence and wait a little while so not sure why you even posted what you did.

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MaPringle · 04/12/2025 23:11

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:06

I don't really understand why your tone is quite so curt?
My son spoke with me about something that is upsetting him. I am his mother, so I take his concerns seriously. In my posts I have been very fair to his teacher and was simply asking advice from others on their opinions on this.
my son is full of gratitude in many ways and a lovely boy, his gratitude needs no work.
if you feel this is nonsense that is your right, but no need to be so unnecessarily rude.

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This happened to my grandson and we encouraged him to ask the teacher ‘what do I have to do to get a certificate?’ He got it shortly after that. Sometimes the quiet well behaved ones don’t seem to get noticed. A gentle reminder coming from him can’t hurt. Better from him than you.

Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:11

Pandagirl10 · 04/12/2025 23:07

I’ve not read the full thread so apologies if someone has also said this or something similar.
i had this situation when my daughter was at primary school- she said that she was the only one with no words in a special class assembly (that parents were invited to watch) and that literally every single other child had words and she just had to sit there.

I was so dubious about this but she was a very honest child, so I wrote the teacher a short note asking her to reassure my daughter that she wasn’t the only child with nothing to say and explained she was feeling a bit sad about the assembly.

that night my daughter came home and said the teacher had apologised to her and that there had been a mistake and she now did have a few words and something to do.
(And yes I went to the assembly and as far as I could see everyone had some words/something to do)

I am pleased I advocated for her!

Edited

So it was an oversight! Glad that it worked out well and that your daughter's teacher was kind enough to rectify it.

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Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:07

FracasFracas · 04/12/2025 22:26

My son was Joseph in Reception and wanted to be a shepherd. Then he was a sheep in Year 1, and was incandescent with rage because he was ‘the wrong sheep’.

Hilarious!!! Kids are so funny.

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Lindtnotlint · 04/12/2025 23:07

Honestly you need to drop all this. Half the class are in the second half of the class to get a certificate! They are not given out “in merit order” and it does NOT matter whether he has received one. I would really not be encouraging him to fixate on it and by fixating on it yourself there is a real risk that that feeling “leaks” out to him. The nativity thing is almost certainly untrue - as in, he has a small part along with a load of other kids who also have a small part.

I really don’t think you need to intervene - this is just being in a class and how life is. If the report back from Gran from the nativity is ALL the kids had loads more lines then by all means ask if there was a particular reason he was not offered the same. Equally after nearly 30 weeks of the year have passed and people are getting their second certificates it may be appropriate to mention - you are miles away from that.

your son is doing great. Big him up at home, and teach him that he is awesome regardless of certificates and to make the best of whatever part or role he has. This will mean far more for how he grows and develops than any of the minor disappointments he has going through!

Good luck - you obviously really care about him and it’s lovely.

Looociee · 04/12/2025 23:07

OMG OP this is lurdicrous. I can't believe people are replying to this seriously. No you don't say anything and you teach him this is part of life

Pandagirl10 · 04/12/2025 23:07

I’ve not read the full thread so apologies if someone has also said this or something similar.
i had this situation when my daughter was at primary school- she said that she was the only one with no words in a special class assembly (that parents were invited to watch) and that literally every single other child had words and she just had to sit there.

I was so dubious about this but she was a very honest child, so I wrote the teacher a short note asking her to reassure my daughter that she wasn’t the only child with nothing to say and explained she was feeling a bit sad about the assembly.

that night my daughter came home and said the teacher had apologised to her and that there had been a mistake and she now did have a few words and something to do.
(And yes I went to the assembly and as far as I could see everyone had some words/something to do)

I am pleased I advocated for her!

Original poster

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:06

TomatoSandwiches · 04/12/2025 22:49

Im sure there are children with no lines and no certificate yet, it's not even end of term time so why don't you work with your son on his capacity for gratitude instead of mentioning any of this nonsense to the teacher.

I don't really understand why your tone is quite so curt?
My son spoke with me about something that is upsetting him. I am his mother, so I take his concerns seriously. In my posts I have been very fair to his teacher and was simply asking advice from others on their opinions on this.
my son is full of gratitude in many ways and a lovely boy, his gratitude needs no work.
if you feel this is nonsense that is your right, but no need to be so unnecessarily rude.

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AmberRose86 · 04/12/2025 23:03

Crowandrow · 04/12/2025 23:00

This is true too, and I try to work on his resilience. But i also want to be his cheerleader. He has been saying the certificate thing for about 6 months - it's been a long time! So wanted to know how best to help him feel secure. I don't want him continuously sad over this.

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And getting him a certificate that he’s only getting because mummy kicked up a fuss is the way to do that?