FiL crawling round on work video call

I'd much rather need to vacate a guest room / home office for most of the day than sleep in my host's bedroom.

OP sounds like a perfectly hospitable host (not least because the guests presumably know the deal before they come), and FIL sounds kind, albeit not all that tech-savvy!

I think you have to appreciate this is an alien world to people of that generation. It is made equally difficult by that being his space when he is with you. I wouldn't be angry, but I would perhaps have a chat about it. You could also take action, like blurring your background so it wouldn't make any impact at all.
Last year, my DM was seriously ill and I spent considerable time WFH at their home. One day I was in a significant Government meeting and my DDad came in with a cup of tea. I was mortified. And, they were human. They knew why I was working there, they appreciated my commitment and they asked him to make them one!

That’s true, but in this instance the OP does have a room, and it seems a laptop they can easily move into their own bedroom/another space. If it were a huge setup with multiple screens and heavy duty IT equipment, that is somewhat different & not ideal (as is the case for us).

Work does involve more than technology. I have a laptop, but if I were to move away from my workspace to work elsewhere for any length of time I would have to move several files, some lists of information that I use frequently, a notepad, pens, sticky notes, stapler, hole puncher etc etc. And I'd still have to go in there to use the printer.

My former MIL appeared behind me on a teams call, naked. This was all part of her “women shouldn’t work and be home with the kids all the time” protest. She said she thought what I was doing “couldn’t be that important.”

If the call was that important the door should have been locked.

I'm retired now, but I remember the tedium of Teams meetings and how they were enlivened by random cats, children and crawling fathers-in-law.

This is hilarious!😆

😂

This is such a none issue! No one gives a toss now or is remotely interested if a dog, child, FIL appears for a nano second behind you when on a call. Unless you are on a call that is super confidential-sensitive in which case you need to make 💯 certain no one will enter by locking the door.

Put a background on if you are worried your FIL won’t remember not to come in.

Has he been spayed ?

Get a water pistol.

Maybe he’s auditioning for the next James Bond.

I'll bare that in mind and open up the west wing next time i have guest!

Now back to the real world...

OP options are to be firmer with her FIL, so he respects her work, or to only host him during the 6 weeks a year that she has annual leave.

I don't think I've ever been in a zoom/teams meeting when the camera covered the floor as well as the person. Adjust your camera so that it's just you, not the rest of the room, and put on a background just in case.

My dss has his bedroom at our house, when he isn’t here it is also my office. When he is here I move everything out to the dining room or my bedroom so he always has his own space with us. It is easily done and I do it frequently, not for a week once in a while

This is ridiculous.

I hear you OP, I have the same set up. My PILs are welcome to get a hotel if they don’t like me working from “their room” during the day.

Oh, come off it. How is it massively inconveniencing anyone to expect them to get anything they might want out of the room when you warn them you're going to be on video calls, or alternatively to ask them wait a short time till the end of one meeting?

Surely family guests know the setup and can make choices accordingly? I suspect most people can't afford a house big enough to have a dedicated guest room. If FIL wants to stay somewhere where he has unrestricted access to his room at all times, he can pay for a hotel or B&B.

There are some meetings when you really can't turn the camera off.

Reminds me of this but without the charm!

apologies if this has already been posted!

Presumably there's nothing to stop guests going into the room to fetch stuff most of the time when OP is working, so it's reasonable to ask them to keep out during meetings. After all, they've got the rest of the house to do whatever they like in, within reason.

OP has already explained the layout of her house and that a dedicated office plus a guest room isn't feasible. She has a dedicated office that is sometimes used as a guest room. The only solution is to stop inviting guests to stay if they can't obey simple instructions and keep out of OP's office for the duration of her call.

I have a sign on my office door. On one side it says 'welcome please knock' and on the other side it says 'do not disturb meeting in progress'. Everyone knows not to even knock if it is on do not disturb. If someone accidentally started to come in (they wouldn't because everyone always knocks and if i don't reply they go away again) i would excuse myself from the meeting saying 'someone has forgotten i am in a meeting please excuse me' turn the camera off get up and physically block the person from coming in. It is a clear and easy system. However given that you have a guest sleeping in your office i would probably also remind them just before a meeting - 'i have a meeting now do you need anything before i begin?'. I do agree that what he did was unacceptable but just take extra steps next time to block him.

Virtual back ground and camera off. He would have been a few seconds

That’s true, but in this instance the OP does have a room, and it seems a laptop they can easily move into their own bedroom/another space. If it were a huge setup with multiple screens and heavy duty IT equipment, that is somewhat different & not ideal (as is the case for us).

if you invite a guest into your home, they should have their own private space ideally - to do whatever, even have space away from the hosts/downtime. A close family member should be treated as such - especially FIL, MIL, parents. You’re not only offering a bed.

In this instance it seems OP merely doesn’t want the inconvenience, and isn’t willing to adapt nor accommodate her guests.

Perhaps I've missed something but FIL may need reminding each morning and given a suggestion of what he needs to take out for the next few hours. My DH is the same age and not as quick on the uptake as he was. Making allowances makes life much easier. I say several times s week please don't knock or come in when my door is closed.