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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

FiL crawling round on work video call

306 replies

RuralStyleless · 04/12/2025 21:30

Am I being over-sensitive here?
I was on a video call this morning when my 73yo FIL came to get some things from the room. I realised, muted, said I was on a call and assumed he would wait until I said I was free. A minute later, I realise he has come inside and is crawling around trying not to be seen (he absolutely would have been seen). It was an external call, so not even colleagues I could laugh it off with). I'm absolutely livid.

For context, my study / home office is used as our guest room. This is not normally an issue. I had also warned him I was starting work and had to be on video calls 30 minutes earlier.

YABU - he is old, doesn't get tech, and no one said anything
YANBU - what sort of idiot does that?

OP posts:

dizzydizzydizzy · 04/12/2025 22:26

I totally understand why many people like working at home. Incidents like this highlight how it does pose certain challenges which we have to learn to navigate.

ExDP used to work full time at home in the living room, which meant I could never relax in the living room during the day. I really resented his office taking over our living room.

B1anche · 04/12/2025 22:26

RuralStyleless · 04/12/2025 21:47

No he's in mine. I think he was getting a different pair of trousers, but was too scared to look and actually figure it out.

Show quote history

This could've been so much worse. At least he had some trousers on. I agree with other posters that it is not practical to use an office as a guest room at the same time. I would never remember to take out everything I needed for a whole day. I think a lock for while you're on calls is the only answer (if not possible to take your laptop elsewhere).

You have given me a laugh though, but I can understand your annoyance.

campista · 04/12/2025 22:24

Poor old chap!

PoisedGoldBiscuit · 04/12/2025 22:23

Pollqueen · 04/12/2025 22:02

Anyone on camera can still be seen though. You would just see FIL, behind OP crawling across the floor with a blurry background

Show quote history

Exactly, having a background on almost makes this kind of movement more obvious 🤣
OP, I feel like you're having a bit of a hard time here, I don't think your setup is unreasonable. My FIL of a similar age would be mortified if we gave him one of our permanent bedrooms.

99bottlesofkombucha · 04/12/2025 22:22

Pollqueen · 04/12/2025 22:02

Anyone on camera can still be seen though. You would just see FIL, behind OP crawling across the floor with a blurry background

Show quote history

And they do unblur when people are in them- the smart camera tries to find the people. I forever remember a naked top half of a man suddenly appearing in and out of the background for an external call with some clients, the clients partner must have been dressing or something as that torso was twisting around. Nobody said anything 😁

FlockofSquirrels · 04/12/2025 22:22

No one is being entirely reasonable, here.

My home office is our overflow guest room and it would never occur to me to keep using it for private work activities while guests were staying there - I move my set up to my own bedroom when it becomes an active guest room, especially if the guests are there for multiple days. Honestly if I was your guest I would probably take this set up as a hint that I'm not genuinely welcome (is that the case?) and make different plans if at all possible. I'm also fairly amazed that in 2025 anyone is doing client-facing video calls from home without locking the door internally... have we not all witnessed enough of the resulting bloopers to pay for the £15 privacy lock?

But none of that makes his choice reasonable or acceptable. Assuming he wasn't retrieving lifesaving emergency medication he was being an absolute plonker and should apologize.

UneFoisAuChalet · 04/12/2025 22:19

CookieCrumbles23 · 04/12/2025 22:02

I’m sorry OP, I know this was very frustrating for you, but it actually made me LOL. Just the thought of your FIL thinking crawling on the floor was the solution and probably visible to everyone on the call 😂

All these years later and I still laugh whenever I see this lockdown clip. The little girl doing her dance, dad trying to brush her away, the baby shuffling in on his walker, the mum bursting in and crouching low, grabbing the doorknob, thinking she’d got away with it. The best viral video ever

Pollqueen · 04/12/2025 22:18

PigletJohn · 04/12/2025 22:08

"Assumed," you say.

"Assumed," who said?

Heronwatcher · 04/12/2025 22:16

Could you not have just turned your camera off for 2 mins? You could have continued speaking once you’ve warned him to be quiet on mute.

If I need to do this I will, I just say the connection is patchy.

I think life’s a bit too short to be precious about this and he was, after all, staying in that room.

user1492757084 · 04/12/2025 22:12

Rethink who is staying in the office/guest room. Make it one of your sons.
Give 73 year old FIL a room where he can retreat to - to lie down, to change his clothes, to be an older person in his private space. It is one week.
A young person is best as the office guest.

BunnyLake · 04/12/2025 22:10

CookieCrumbles23 · 04/12/2025 22:02

My immediate thought was that video 😂

PigletJohn · 04/12/2025 22:08

"Assumed," you say.

Whatyoutalkingabouteh · 04/12/2025 22:08

I can sympathise- my husband did this to me and I could see him crawling I was mortified! I was mid talking and I couldn’t think straight!

BunnyLake · 04/12/2025 22:08

Pollqueen · 04/12/2025 21:36

That's actually quite funny. What was it he needed to get? And, are you living in his house?

I thought it was funny, but I like a sense of the absurd. 😁🤷‍♀️

Not very nice for your fil for his room to be out of bounds while he’s there.

swingingbytheseat · 04/12/2025 22:05

RuralStyleless · 04/12/2025 21:56

Update: I am not an idiot. blur my background! But it unblurs when it sees 'people', so I assume he popped in and out. I also turn off self-view, so don't know quite what was shown.

🤣 I’d have had to put self view on

Bruisername · 04/12/2025 22:03

Pollqueen · 04/12/2025 22:02

Anyone on camera can still be seen though. You would just see FIL, behind OP crawling across the floor with a blurry background

Show quote history

I know it can do that but realistically OP would have been taking up most of the screen

i love the clip with the little girl dancing her way in!

CookieCrumbles23 · 04/12/2025 22:02

Pollqueen · 04/12/2025 22:02

Bruisername · 04/12/2025 21:50

Agree you should sort your background out or at least blur it

also find it’s not very friendly to make a guest get up and out and remember all their stuff by 9 either!

Anyone on camera can still be seen though. You would just see FIL, behind OP crawling across the floor with a blurry background

ChaChaChaChanges · 04/12/2025 21:59

SconehengeRevenge · 04/12/2025 21:45

I feel you are a bad host.

Sorry

Me too.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 04/12/2025 21:58

The first image that popped into my head was 😭

Original poster

RuralStyleless · 04/12/2025 21:56

Update: I am not an idiot. blur my background! But it unblurs when it sees 'people', so I assume he popped in and out. I also turn off self-view, so don't know quite what was shown.

OP posts:

Bobiverse · 04/12/2025 21:55

Why don’t you have the background blurred? Especially in what is currently a communal room; it might be your office but for right now, it’s his bedroom:

Ponderingwindow · 04/12/2025 21:55

People can stay in a hotel if they don’t want to share the guest room with its main office designation.

beAsensible1 · 04/12/2025 21:54

So if he forgets his belt and you’re in a meeting for the next hour and he needs to go out, what would you expect him to do?

just put a background on. He was being a bit silly but if someone is sleeping in a room they may need re-entry during the day. I doubt it was on purpose.

ButterflySky · 04/12/2025 21:52

Ok. Just for a second, I thought that you'd put a video up, of your FIL crawling around... Until I spotted the car. That's properly given me the giggles, sorry

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