I have just caught DH (together 12 years married 6) using a messaging app to talk to sex workers.
This has happened twice before, the last time was around 4 years ago where I caught him sending pictures of his genitals to these women (he had also been paying for pictures/videos of them and subscribing to onlyfans) and as it was the second time I’d caught him we split up for a few months, he had some counselling and convinced me things had changed and I decided to give him another chance for the sake of our then 1 year old.
Fast forward to today and I’ve caught him
at it again. He’s admitted it’s been going on for 2 years (since DC2 was born). He hasn’t been paying them this time (probably because we have a joint account now) but has been watching their stories and sending them messages and pictures.
Other than this he is generally a kind and decent man, pulls his weight around the house, good with the kids etc although can be a bit incapable at times (I carry most of the mental load). There were some issues with other lies around debts and a couple of other things in the early days but I’m confident those things have resolved now.
I have told him I want a divorce but the thought of sharing the kids 50/50 and them having to move back and forth is killing me and I can’t help but wonder if I should be gritting my teeth and sticking it out for their sake seeing as there is no abuse/violence etc going on. I feel so selfish for leaving but also hate the thought of putting up with this for another 2 decades!
Has anyone been in a similar boat? What did you do?!