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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was DD rude

184 replies

Reino · 04/12/2025 19:57

DD is 23 and is briefly living at home between gap year and moving in with her boyfriend in January.
On Sunday DH and I had some guests over, they arrived at 11, left at about 8pm, didn’t have dinner but did have lunch (we ordered it in). DD knows the guests well, would class them as family friends.

DD and her boyfriend didn’t come down stairs until about 3 o’clock, then they sat with us all, drank some wine small talked etc, before going back up to her around about 5:30. At 7pm her boyfriend came back down to collect their food delivery from the door, they hadn’t checked with anyone if they wanted anything ordered.

YANBU - They were rude, they should have come down and said hi much earlier and had lunch with everyone, or they should have checked if anyone else wanted food ordered.
YABU - They didn’t do anything wrong, it wasn’t their guests, so not their job to accommodate them.

OP posts:

Edenmum2 · 04/12/2025 20:43

2.5 hours socialising with your friends? Not rude at all

Redpeach · 04/12/2025 20:41

Not v friendly given she's living in your house

outerspacepotato · 04/12/2025 20:41

It's your job to host your guests.

Not your daughter's. She and her bf were staying out of the way of your party for your friends. They provided for themselves and got food for themselves.

That's just weird you think it's on them to get your guests takeout. No.

SarahAndQuack · 04/12/2025 20:40

I don't think they were rude. I would assume they ordered food because they wanted to stay out of the kitchen while you were hosting people at a meal time.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 04/12/2025 20:37

I think they were rude. They should have come down within 20mins of guest arrival to greet them. Hiding upstairs is so odd, only came down for the free wine. I'd agree they didn't need to spend the day with them though.

I also consider it rude to order without asking if anyone else wants anything.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 04/12/2025 20:33

Reino · 04/12/2025 20:15

We had a late lunch and they were supposed to be leaving at 7, we offered snacks throughout the afternoon. We wouldn’t normally eat until 8-9pm so it didn’t occur to us to offer food but if we had known someone else in the home was ordering we’d have certainly offered them.

Show quote history

Presuming your friends are all adults then if I was your DD I'd be assuming that if they or you wanted a takeaway then you'd order one yourselves. It would never occur to me to offer to order for people being hosted by my parents as I'd think it'd be way overstepping the mark.

Pineapplewaves · 04/12/2025 20:26

Did you invite DD and her boyfriend to join you? Did you give them a shout to come down when lunch was on the table? If not I don’t think they were rude.

I don’t think they were rude to order a food delivery and not ask your guests if they wanted anything - they were your guests and you were hosting so it was up to you to organise food for the guests. Also, if they had asked, your guests might have thought they were paying, that would have been an awkward conversation, would you have picked up the bill?

moneyadviceplease · 04/12/2025 20:18

Whatnowitsdday · 04/12/2025 20:17

I definitely think they were rude to order a delivery without asking if anyone else wanted anything.

Really? I’d find if odd if my guests ordered food. I would be beyond embarrassed

Elektra1 · 04/12/2025 20:18

I don’t expect my adult daughter to remain downstairs with family friends (but really my friends who have known my kids since babies) for their entire visit, no. I’ve invited them, she likes to see them, but has her own life and if her bf was here too I definitely wouldn’t expect them to behave like a co-host, nor would I expect them to order takeaway for me or the guests just because they had lunch with us earlier.

Bestfootforward11 · 04/12/2025 20:18

And the fact they ordered food is neither he nor there, your guests so on you to decide/plan food.

Whatnowitsdday · 04/12/2025 20:17

I definitely think they were rude to order a delivery without asking if anyone else wanted anything.

Bestfootforward11 · 04/12/2025 20:16

I think they got things right here. The guests came to see you didn’t they? Your DD politely joined for a short time and then left you to it and got out of your way. I’d say that a good balance of bring polite to guests, being respectful of you, and doing their own thing without infringing on your plans.

Original poster

Reino · 04/12/2025 20:15

madeoftickytacky · 04/12/2025 20:14

I'd be more concerned about your hosting skills to be honest. They must have been starving going home!

OP posts:

WhatNoRaisins · 04/12/2025 20:14

Not rude and I honestly don't get some people who expect the children of their friends to be really interested in them.

Hercisback1 · 04/12/2025 20:14

Not at all rude.

madeoftickytacky · 04/12/2025 20:14

I'd be more concerned about your hosting skills to be honest. They must have been starving going home!

moneyadviceplease · 04/12/2025 20:12

That’s true. Did you not offer them some dinner or throw something together given they were with you until 8. Given you ordered in lunch (strange in itself). I would have put together some dinner

BreakingBroken · 04/12/2025 20:10

guests arrived at 11 and left at 8 pm that's 9 hours and you only fed them lunch??
and you are wondering who is rude...
your dd and her boyfriend were considerate and stayed out of the way allowing you to enjoy your visit...but honestly who doesn't have both a lunch and supper over 9 hours time.

Ilovemychocolate · 04/12/2025 20:10

Not rude at all!
Do YOU think they were?

Pollqueen · 04/12/2025 20:09

Not rude at all. They came down at 3pm and sat with you all until 5.30pm. They were your guests, not theirs

What I do find rude/strange though is that your guests stayed until 8pm and you didn't give them dinner

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 04/12/2025 20:08

Not rude. They showed their faces and ordered their own food. Dd1 is 20 and I wouldn’t expect her and her boyfriend to sit with us the entire time if we have friends over.

moneyadviceplease · 04/12/2025 20:06

She wasn’t remotely rude. She came to say hello, sat with you for a couple of hours to socialise and then left you to it. She behaved perfectly. I wouldn’t say it’s up to her to ask your friends if they want food ordered. You’re the hosts, you provide for them not your daughter. I would find it beyond bizarre if I had guests who ordered food for themselves to my house

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 04/12/2025 20:06

Can’t think of anything worse than sitting for 9 hours with my mum’s friends! They did their bit and then some.

CraftyPlayer · 04/12/2025 20:05

Not rude at all, they weren’t their guests.

BellaBal · 04/12/2025 20:03

Not rude

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