Page 6 | Was DD rude

Reino · 2025-12-04T19:57:50+00:00

DD is 23 and is briefly living at home between gap year and moving in with her boyfriend in January. On Sunday DH and I had some guests over, they arrived at 11, left at about 8pm, didn’t have dinner but did have lunch (we ordered it in). DD knows the guests well, would class them as family friends. DD and her boyfriend didn’t come down stairs until about 3 o’clock, then they sat with us all, drank some wine small talked etc, before going back up to her around about 5:30. At 7pm her boyfriend came back down to collect their food delivery from the door, they hadn’t checked with anyone if they wanted anything ordered. YANBU - They were rude, they should have come down and said hi much earlier and had lunch with everyone, or they should have checked if anyone else wanted food ordered. YABU - They didn’t do anything wrong, it wasn’t their guests, so not their job to accommodate them.

cariadlet · 04/12/2025 21:35

Reino · 04/12/2025 21:28

DH and I felt DD had been rude, we would generally expect our children to come and say hello to any guests soon after they arrive. Generally speaking irrespective of guests are present or not I believe the polite thing to do when ordering food is to check with anyone else home if they would like anything added.

DD feels she wasn’t rude as they had been out the night before and didn’t wake up until 1, she said it then took them a further 2 hours to both get showered, get dressed and feel alive enough to come down and say hello. She claims she didn’t ask if we would like anything added to the order as she was unsure what our dinner plans were and didn’t want to offer ordering if we had planned for the guests to leave before dinner.

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With that update that they had been out the night before and were still asleep when your guests turned up 11, I take back my previous remark that ideally they would have popped down to say hello when the guests arrived.

I'd already said that I didn't think there was any need for your dd and her boyfriend to ask if anyone else wanted anything ordering for dinner but her explanation about why they didn't ask strengthens this. Her rationale of not wanting to encourage guests to stay longer than you had planned makes sense.

Team DD all the way here.

GravyBoatWars · 04/12/2025 21:33

This has all the hallmarks of you looking for something to pick at, especially if you didn't ask ahead of time for your DD & bf to join you and the guests for lunch. And expecting them to offer to order food for you and your guests (whom you had no intent of offering dinner to yourself) is honestly fairly bizarre.

So what is it you actually need to vent about? The boyfriend being there too much? DD not working/sleeping in all day/treating your house as a free AirBNB when you expected her to want to spend time with you?

BauhausOfEliott · 04/12/2025 21:33

Reino · 04/12/2025 21:28

DH and I felt DD had been rude, we would generally expect our children to come and say hello to any guests soon after they arrive. Generally speaking irrespective of guests are present or not I believe the polite thing to do when ordering food is to check with anyone else home if they would like anything added.

DD feels she wasn’t rude as they had been out the night before and didn’t wake up until 1, she said it then took them a further 2 hours to both get showered, get dressed and feel alive enough to come down and say hello. She claims she didn’t ask if we would like anything added to the order as she was unsure what our dinner plans were and didn’t want to offer ordering if we had planned for the guests to leave before dinner.

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She’s 23, not 12.

’Expecting our children to come and say hello’ upon the arrival of guests is absurd when your ‘children’ are adults in their 20s with their own independent social lives who weren’t eating with you.

They popped down for a midway through the visit, which was polite and nice of them. And of course they don’t have to offer you and your guests a bloody takeaway! She had a good and valid reason for not doing so. You’re being really weird.

ExperiencedContractor · 04/12/2025 21:32

DaisyChain505 · 04/12/2025 21:22

This sounds like a scene from the sound of music with the heavily trained Von Trapp kids.

The guests were invited by and there to see the OP and her husband.

Why should their daughter rush downstairs the second she hears the door to greet said guests? OP has already said they’re practically family meaning the daughter has spent plenty of time with them and there’s no need for formal performances.

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Don’t be obtuse. Of course no one needed formal performances. But these were family friends that the daughter knows well. It’s just basic good manners to greet them when they arrive at the house and not hide upstairs until hours later.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/12/2025 21:30

Reino · 04/12/2025 21:28

DH and I felt DD had been rude, we would generally expect our children to come and say hello to any guests soon after they arrive. Generally speaking irrespective of guests are present or not I believe the polite thing to do when ordering food is to check with anyone else home if they would like anything added.

DD feels she wasn’t rude as they had been out the night before and didn’t wake up until 1, she said it then took them a further 2 hours to both get showered, get dressed and feel alive enough to come down and say hello. She claims she didn’t ask if we would like anything added to the order as she was unsure what our dinner plans were and didn’t want to offer ordering if we had planned for the guests to leave before dinner.

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She’s not a child though. She’s an adult in her own home where you had guests. She did socialise for a long time when the time came.

Why have you posted as you clearly are not willing to change your stance on this?

Original poster

Reino · 04/12/2025 21:29

CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 04/12/2025 21:27

You said you ordered lunch in. Did you offer any to your DD and her boyfriend?

DH went up and knocked on her door, told them what we had ordered and asked if they wanted anything added, DD said no they were fine, but we did order enough for them to join us, which they decided not to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

Reino · 04/12/2025 21:28

cariadlet · 04/12/2025 21:25

I think that ideally, they would have popped down briefly to say hello soon after the guests arrived.

Other than than, I agree with the majority of posters - no problem that your dd and her boyfriend stayed in her room, keeping out of the way of you and your guests; 2 1/2 hours is a long time to socialise with your parents' friends so she did more than I'd expect there; no need for them to ask if anyone else wanted to order food for dinner, especially as that could have led to awkward conversations about who was paying.

I'm curious as to why you started this thread. Has anyone suggested that your dd was rude?

DH and I felt DD had been rude, we would generally expect our children to come and say hello to any guests soon after they arrive. Generally speaking irrespective of guests are present or not I believe the polite thing to do when ordering food is to check with anyone else home if they would like anything added.

DD feels she wasn’t rude as they had been out the night before and didn’t wake up until 1, she said it then took them a further 2 hours to both get showered, get dressed and feel alive enough to come down and say hello. She claims she didn’t ask if we would like anything added to the order as she was unsure what our dinner plans were and didn’t want to offer ordering if we had planned for the guests to leave before dinner.

OP posts:

CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 04/12/2025 21:27

You said you ordered lunch in. Did you offer any to your DD and her boyfriend?

cariadlet · 04/12/2025 21:25

I think that ideally, they would have popped down briefly to say hello soon after the guests arrived.

Other than than, I agree with the majority of posters - no problem that your dd and her boyfriend stayed in her room, keeping out of the way of you and your guests; 2 1/2 hours is a long time to socialise with your parents' friends so she did more than I'd expect there; no need for them to ask if anyone else wanted to order food for dinner, especially as that could have led to awkward conversations about who was paying.

I'm curious as to why you started this thread. Has anyone suggested that your dd was rude?

DaisyChain505 · 04/12/2025 21:22

ExperiencedContractor · 04/12/2025 21:17

I’m clearly in the minority here but I think they were rude. Both DD and her boyfriend should have come downstairs when your guests arrived - to greet them with you and DD to introduce her boyfriend, presuming they haven’t met him. They should have had a quick catch up on both sides, then it would have been fine for her to say that her and boyfriend would leave you to it and return upstairs. Then I would have expected them to mention they were ordering food, just in case anyone wanted to add to the order.

This sounds like a scene from the sound of music with the heavily trained Von Trapp kids.

The guests were invited by and there to see the OP and her husband.

Why should their daughter rush downstairs the second she hears the door to greet said guests? OP has already said they’re practically family meaning the daughter has spent plenty of time with them and there’s no need for formal performances.

DaisyChain505 · 04/12/2025 21:18

Reino · 04/12/2025 20:15

We had a late lunch and they were supposed to be leaving at 7, we offered snacks throughout the afternoon. We wouldn’t normally eat until 8-9pm so it didn’t occur to us to offer food but if we had known someone else in the home was ordering we’d have certainly offered them.

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You were the one hosting guests not your daughter. It’s not her responsibility to check that you’re feeding them sufficiently and she didn’t need to come and sit with you at all.

ExperiencedContractor · 04/12/2025 21:17

I’m clearly in the minority here but I think they were rude. Both DD and her boyfriend should have come downstairs when your guests arrived - to greet them with you and DD to introduce her boyfriend, presuming they haven’t met him. They should have had a quick catch up on both sides, then it would have been fine for her to say that her and boyfriend would leave you to it and return upstairs. Then I would have expected them to mention they were ordering food, just in case anyone wanted to add to the order.

CandyCayne · 04/12/2025 21:13

Of course they weren't rude and it would've been a nightmare to ask who wanted food ordered, and then sort out everyone's individual payments.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 04/12/2025 21:13

I think it’s fine. They socialised for 2.5 hours with your friends and sorted themselves for dinner. At their age they’re not going to offer to get food for you and your mates. Your friends were also round for a very long time…

TheBeaTgoeson1 · 04/12/2025 21:11

Of course not.

You're being weird.

pilates · 04/12/2025 21:09

Sounds fine to me. They came and said hello and had a drink with you.

Arlanymor · 04/12/2025 21:07

If they didn't come down until 3pm then they didn't have lunch with you, but you think they should have included you on their dinner order when you didn't include them in your lunch order? They were just doing the same thing as you. And sounds like - as they weren't included in lunch - they came down later on in the day and spent 2.5 hours being polite to your guests. Also I agree that if your guests didn't leave until 8pm - and presumably had a way to travel - that it was weird not to make an evening meal for them. But your DD? No, not rude at all.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/12/2025 21:07

I could imagine nothing worse than being expected to hang around with my mum’s friends. They’re all lovely people but they’re her friends, not mine. Your daughter being there with her boyfriend would have changed the dynamics completely. They did the right thing in how long they spent with you.

With regards to food, I wouldn’t have offered either because that sets the expectation that I will be paying. I wouldn’t have been able to afford that at her age and she shouldn’t have to feed your guests. You should have taken that as a sign. “Oh goodness! Look at the time! Let me sort some dinner for everyone!”

Franklyannoyed · 04/12/2025 21:02

they hadn’t checked with anyone if they wanted anything ordered

this made my toes curl, sounds like you expected them to feed you. Surely not.

Franklyannoyed · 04/12/2025 21:01

Why did they need to order food, weren’t you the rude one?

they aren’t kids, it was your guests, of course they stayed out the way.

IdaGlossop · 04/12/2025 20:51

I think that if you had particular expectations of your DD and her boyfriend, you should have let them know before the guests arrived.

TessSaysYes · 04/12/2025 20:47

Of course they re not rude... They were doing their thing. You had guests and they came to see you. You wouldnt expect poor (ish) 20-somethings to order food for your guests???

Coconutter24 · 04/12/2025 20:47

Reino · 04/12/2025 20:15

We had a late lunch and they were supposed to be leaving at 7, we offered snacks throughout the afternoon. We wouldn’t normally eat until 8-9pm so it didn’t occur to us to offer food but if we had known someone else in the home was ordering we’d have certainly offered them.

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So you think your DD was rude for not offering any food in the evening but it wasn’t rude for you to not offer any food in the evening?

fatphalange · 04/12/2025 20:45

Not in the slightest bit rude! What’s it to anyone else what their dinner plans are? It was nice of them to spend a bit of time with you all before going back to their own thing.

Zempy · 04/12/2025 20:44

Not remotely rude