Was DD rude

YABU

Get off your high horse and serve your guests supper.

I think it’s rude that they didn’t send you a quick message to let you know they had ordered food. It would have given you the chance to tag on and you want to know who is coming to your door (I do.)

Also, not rude to not feed your guests a 2nd meal, I think they were rude to stay that long! I bet you were itching for them to leave after 9 hours and feeding them again would have prolonged that.

So as usual I feel differently to most, starting to wonder what is wrong with me.

Were you and your husband expecting your daughter to order your party takeout instead of you providing them food on the evening? Would you have paid or expected your guests to figure out the separate bills or did you expect your daughter to pay?

I think barging a party's worth of orders onto a two person takeout order is rude af. The order would take a lot longer and be a lot harder to get home.

You gave your guests lunch and then were drinking all day until 8 in the evening and you didn't think to provide an evening meal? You thought your daughter should since she got herself food? Damn, learn how to host.

Your dd did just fine, op. Not rude at all.

You sound weird though.

I agree you didn’t want to provide dinner (fair enough) but feel that somehow your dd showed you up as a poor host. Not your dd’s job to worry about offering food to your guests. If you didn’t feel any need to offer another meal why would she?

YABVVU. Your adult child stayed out of your way so you could enjoy hosting your own friends. She and her boyfriend did however pop down to have some tea and small talk, as they are good family friends. They retreat back to their room and catered to themselves when they wished to eat.

On the other hand, your own guests sat there well into the evening and you didn’t think about offering any further refreshments until your child, who hadn’t eaten as recently as you, got themselves some food to eat in their room and allow you to continue not disturbing your night with your own friends.

You were rude. Apart from anything I would never expect my DD to cater to me and my friends just because she was sorting herself and her boyfriend a take away. If you and your friends were hungry, or suddenly realised you were when you got green eyes at your DD’s food, you could have just - I don’t know - ordered your own for you and your guests.

Your DD sounds really thoughtful and polite.

She's only with you another month. Even if you hold on to a different opinion from most people posting, you can see she acted reasonably since so many people agree with her approach. So I would definitely let this one go.

Sound alike you're annoyed your DD showed you up by ordering food.

I wouldn't expect my adult DCs to be involved with my guests.
They have their own lives even if they live in our house.

I have 3 20-somethings still at home. If I have guests over they would always pop down to say hi and chitchat a while, then disappear. We would have discussed food earlier as they’re often not too keen on my entertaining menus so might sort themselves out. If I was ordering out and it was something they fancied they’d opt in and eat with us (at my expense 😣). They might also choose to order out rather than start cooking for themselves whilst guests and I were faffing in kitchen/dining area. Generally I’d shout up that X was leaving and they’d pop down to say goodbye, but sometimes I wouldn’t bother.
Quite often on here I read threads about people having issues with their young adults and think myself lucky. Then I remember what these buggers were like from age 13-17 and think I earned this respite!

On top of what I posted above, this

I think you and your dd should have discussed expectations in advance. As should you and your guests, probably.

Also, if they were ordering food they should have said so. I also find it 'off' that a meal arrives like that somewhere in the house without anything being said or offered or just explained.

If the friends were visiting the DD then I'd agree but at her age it's basically two sets of adults sharing a house and one set of adults choosing to order themselves a meal is no business of the other set or their friends.

Not rude at all!

I find it weirder for adult guests to buy their own Deliveroo / uber eats to someone else’s house

I also think she should have come down and greeted them when they arrived. She may be an adult but she is clearly part of the household.

Also, if they were ordering food they should have said so. I also find it 'off' that a meal arrives like that somewhere in the house without anything being said or offered or just explained.

I agree with you and your DH OP.
It’s sad that the majority seem to have very low expectations about manners.

I was going to say exactly this.

I suspect posters like the OP are so entrenched in their belief that they are right that they post expecting an echo chamber of YANBU's to flood their way.

It always amused me when people add their husbands view. Because if a man says so then it must be correct.

I think this does have a bit of entitlement about it, yes. Ideally they should have come and said helllo in the first instance, communicated about what they were or weren’t doing and then that no longer makes it weird.

She’s an adult. You can’t really tell her how to behave; she’s not a child any more.

In her shoes, I would have personally gone downstairs and said hi earlier on, but I don’t think it’s a huge deal – not worth stewing over. I don’t think it was rude of her not to ask if other people wanted a takeaway. She can’t even order some food without your permission?

Disagree that it’s good manners.

Yabu
She wasn’t rude. She was giving you space to entertain your guests. They came down for a couple of hours and that is more than enough. Them ordering in was very nice of them- they sorted their own food out so you could focus on yourselves and your guests.

Yeah you’re being proper weird about this, and I’m thinking it’s really you who has the issue not your husband. Your daughter behaved impeccably, she is not a child and of course they didn’t offer to buy you all food.

this is one of those.

op. Am I being unreasonable
mumsnet, yes
op no I’m not and my husband agrees with me,

why ask😂

This, I think they did exactly the right thing!
Gave you time with your guests to enjoy lunch, appeared to say hello and chat for a while and then kept themselves to themselves. Nothing to question in my opinion.

You are being really weird about this OP!! Why on earth would your DD want to sit with you and your mates?? Jesus!

She is an adult in her own home. She doesn’t need to jump every time the doorbell goes and worry about greeting whoever her parents have invited round.

The OP was the one entertaining guests not her daughter it is completely reasonable for her daughter to pop her head in and say hello whenever she came down for a drink etc and not have to do it right away.