Was DD rude

@Reino maybe you were rude by not thinking of it for yourself and your guests

OP, answer this honestly:

Would you still be expecting this from
DD if she was a son not a daughter?

When I was that age in my parent's house I would have come down to say hi when the guests arrived, and then might have gone back up but let the guests know I'd be down later. I think the 2 hours they spent was nice of them and respectful, especially as they are in your house!

With the food order, if I were in my parent's house it was seen as one household, so I would have asked everyone if they needed anything ordered (might have checked with parents first that they were willing to pay!)

So I don't think they were really rude, it sounds more like they are trying to exercise their independence and it's difficult when in the same household.

Yea, see, I'm from a very similar culture food-wise. Not Irish, but similar.

You come to visit, tables groaning, and if it's any sort of occasion, then it's a godawful amount of food, food-enough-to-feed-two-armies feasts. And the 'go on, go on, please have this and that, come on, come on, you hardly ate a thing, don't be shy, eat this' ad nauseam.

I. FUCKING. HATE. IT. Leave me the hell alone you goddamn gluttonous pigs, just how MUCH you can possibly eat, just eat, eat, eat and shove it on everyone, all celebrations or meetings are spent sitting behind a table and gorging on food. Oh but you haven't tried this yet, oh you just MUST try that! No I fucking mustn't, leave me alone.

Give me OPs all day booze with a takeaway or two biscuits and tea any day. Anyway, her guests had lunch, then snacks and dinner at their own home, that's more than enough food for a person.

Never ceases to amaze me how it's acceptable to make disparaging comments about 'the English' when it's entirely unacceptable to do it about any other nation.

But anyway no I don't think your daughter was rude and I'm baffled that it 'didnt occur' to you to offer someone dinner at that time .id have sorted that when the date was arranged so I'd know if they'd like to stay or not. Really weird to assume everyone else eats as late as you do.

YABU

This is on a totally separate note, it seems a bit soon for your DD to be moving in with a boyfriend when she hasn't lived independently first. Is her boyfriend living with family or what's his current living situation?

I personally feel it's very important as couples moving in together straight from having lived with parents can be a bit of a disaster.

ETA I'd be embarrassed to order food in for guests, maybe it's an English thing to do that, but I'm Irish and we provide a full spread for all guests, even unexpected ones. But as another has pointed out on this thread, and as I've experienced living in England, people are very inhospitable here with guests. If you're lucky enough to get offered a cuppa tea, and you say the polite "no", they don't insist (think Mrs. Doyle), so you actually end up with no tea, when you'd have accepted on the second ask.

I think YABU and in fact this was a good compromise between completely ignoring your guests (rude) and being present for your entire meeting with them (potentially intrusive).

I’ve found this, it tends to be the ones who are a bit posh. Share half a sandwich and they are “so full”. 1 small pizza for 8 people. It’s kind of like they are still in rationing mindset or like it’s “crass/common” to overeat.

Working class / part-Irish side? Heaving table always and still worrying about it not being enough.

You had already order in one takeaway and had been serving snacks why would she ask?

8pm and no dinner?! Guests were rude to stay that long unless you explicitly asked them, in which case it was really strange not to offer dinner.

Depends on your culture really.

From my background it's kind of rude. But then in my culture it would be unusual for daughter to be in her bedroom all day with her boyfriend in my house.

Which English people are you both socialising with? This is not something I recognise in my own family - if you came round there would probably be enough food to feed the 5,000 and we’d be pushing leftovers on you.

I'd be fine with that. They spent some time socialising with your guests and gave you some time alone with them. Perfect.

I wonder whether the real reason for your ire is that you were holding out to avoid providing dinner, and your daughter showed you up by ordering food at a normal mealtime.

A handful of quavers made me chuckle.

Omg I’m Scottish and I find this with English family. I thought it was just me being a fat pie.

This is going to get me KILLED but:
I'm from an Irish background, husband is non-UK background, and we're constantly chuckling about English "non-hospitality". In our cultures, we feed people to the point of ridiculousness (think Mrs Doyle "go on go on go on" or Indian moms forcing biryani on people). When we go to English people's houses THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH (or any) FOOD. And we're both normal weight people! English people just spend hours drinking and then everyone somehow falls out the door having had ten glasses of wine and a handful of Quavers. Or (even worse) the non-drinking households: you get 2 cups of tea and exactly two biscuits each, then have to make small talk for 4 hours!
In our house we actually feed people. When we invite people round for lunch we don't "order takeaway"- there's a full buffet on the table, replenished all day. We have kids going round with plates of snacks (not plastic bags of Quavers- mini-quiches/sausage rolls/sandwiches)- and that's JUST THE ROVING FOOD. There's always a groaning table with everything you could need plus a veggie option. There's always SO MUCH FOOD that anyone falling out of bed with a hangover at 1pm (fair play) would have more than enough to eat! Plus leftovers for 2 days afterwards for the whole family.
The fact that you had people in your house and didn't feed them properly (to the point where someone had to order Deliveroo because there was nothing to eat) says everything about what I've experienced with English "non-hospitality".
I get that it's cultural, but honestly, it comes across as "stingy".

If they’d made no effort at all that would be rude. But they sat and talked with your guests for over two hours!

The only thing you could potentially say was rude was ordering food without checking if anyone else wanted something but as you’d ordered in a meal already that day maybe they quite reasonably assumed you wouldn’t want another.

Most people would be so happy that their children had this much interaction with their friends, leave the kids alone they played the game and had a lovely afternoon, it is not their responsibly to feed your guests I would never expect any of my kids or their friends to do this!

Great, then you clearly didn’t need food your daughter ordered.

Nah see I can’t bear this shite.

I used to work in a place where you couldn’t get up and get a glass of water without offering to get water for twenty surrounding people. That was the done thing. It was unbearable. I just want to get a glass of fucking water. I hate the excruciating faff of it. Just let me sort myself out and you sort yourself out.

You had your guests your daughter had her own guest. She was polite enough to come downstairs and socialise despite her boyfriend being there to visit. She isn't obligated as an adult to entertain your visitors and certainly isn't obligated to feed them. If you and your guests wanted to eat then it's on you at your house to offer food/make dinner arrangements

Oh no no no. Not unless your opinion concurs with the OP. Don't you know the rules? 😂

Completely fine. They cracked on with their own day but spent some time being polite and social.

OP- you sound a bit weird.
Look- if it was "we have a proper lunch going with all the trimmings, please help pass the canapes around and make nice while I carve the roast and Dad sets the table" then of course everyone pitches in. But this was clearly not the case.
You have guests over but don't offer proper hospitality apart from "ordering lunch in"- what was it? Chinese food?
If people are just in for a takeaway then it isn't exactly "high maintenance family occasion" now is it?
Daughter pops down with boyfriend, makes nice chat, leaves- job done. You weren't going to feed your guests anyway for dinner. (Did you actually feed them properly?)