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Original poster

To be annoyed DH is tracking his sister's pregnancy

59 replies

lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 17:52

I am due to give birth in January. DH keeps forgetting the due date and doesn't know what week of the pregnancy I'm on.

His sister is due to give birth a few months later and he's put a weekly event in mine and his shared calendar.

This is our second pregnancy but does it mean you should be this level of checked out
.. I can guarantee you he doesn't even know what day of the week ours even falls on to put this pregnancy in a calendar.

When I was pregnant with our first his sister barely paid any attention and I think visited DD maybe 3 times ever since she's been born (she is now nearly 3).

Relevant backstory - when we dated and got married DH'a sister was always a bit rude and difficult with me. Examples include letting herself in to our home with a spare key she had and refusing to give it back, stripping down to her underwear in front of people at our wedding (she wasn't drunk), inviting herself over and then not showing up without saying anything, crying at family events that she pressured DH and I to host (ie. in our home) and making a scene in general. For the record, I am always polite and kind and don't rise to the drama.

AIBU to feel annoyed DH is putting this much importance on his sister's pregnancy?8

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 04/12/2025 18:49

Im sorry WHAT???

Most recently at DD's birthday party she collected all the giftbags to take home with her

Can you explain more?
She took multiple childrens party bags???
What did she say????

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:46

ProfessorInkling · 04/12/2025 18:39

Your biggest rows have been about her, but then you say your she and your DH aren't that close anyway - so what have the rows really been about?

And what went on at your wedding?!

You could just add your pregnancy dates into your shared calendar.

I suppose the longer we've been married the more I've realised how little she actually interacts with him. In the beginning there were lots of interactions of her being difficult and I suppose maybe I projected their relationship was like me and my siblings (we speak most days of the week) and I was imagining if they were like that, and each time she was so awkward then that would make married life tough. It felt like she was a troublemaker.

So as time has progressed I've learned to let go what she does because we do see her so rarely. For example, now we've been married this long it feels really uncharacteristic of her to want to come over. Whereas when we first married she was doing it a fair bit. Or would say she was coming and not turn up. I'd always be welcoming/cook in preparation etc. She was iffy and I thought if she saw I was nice, she'd be nicer. Maybe that's what's happened as time has progressed or she was just being difficult intentionally ... I don't know

OP posts:
Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:43

AwfullyGood · 04/12/2025 18:32

She sounds unhinged and he indulges her!

Is no one else curious about the sober underwear parade at your wedding? Wtf? How did he forgive her for that eposide?

He didn't see it and nor did I. It was something I found out from other people (the photographer, my sister and a friend all told me separately from each other) and I also didn't tell him about it for ages. I don't ever really know how to approach the subject of his sister doing things that bother me. I feel like I want him to see my point of view and understand why it wasnt ok but he will usually be defensive and so I agonise a bit about how to communicate it and to not get emotional or get my wording right. My deepest darkest feelings about her is that she wants a reaction from me, she is actually as cool as a cucumber, doesn't give a toss about what I think about her and will do what she she wants if she thinks I'll find it annoying. Eg. Most recently at DD's birthday party she collected all the giftbags to take home with her and I had to ask if she could leave it because they were for the kids. Like she just wants to put me in an awkward spot.

OP posts:
GingerKombucha · 04/12/2025 18:39

I want to hear more about the wedding story (misses point entirely....)

ProfessorInkling · 04/12/2025 18:39

Your biggest rows have been about her, but then you say your she and your DH aren't that close anyway - so what have the rows really been about?

And what went on at your wedding?!

You could just add your pregnancy dates into your shared calendar.

Wingedharpy · 04/12/2025 18:38

AwfullyGood · 04/12/2025 18:32

She sounds unhinged and he indulges her!

Is no one else curious about the sober underwear parade at your wedding? Wtf? How did he forgive her for that eposide?

Yes, I was but didn't like to ask!
It would have been more "acceptable" if she was steaming drunk at the time methinks.

AwfullyGood · 04/12/2025 18:32

She sounds unhinged and he indulges her!

Is no one else curious about the sober underwear parade at your wedding? Wtf? How did he forgive her for that eposide?

Dontpokethebearnow · 04/12/2025 18:31

Going purely off your last part of your latest post - You get the impression he wants more of a relationship with her.

Perhaps given she didn't even tell him about it herself he feels jarred by this, and by tracking her pregnancy and being able to relate to her, showing he does know something about her (especially as you've said she shares very little) this is actually an attempt to improve their relationship? Now they will both have children in common.

CinnamonBuns67 · 04/12/2025 18:30

I mean my best mate is tracking my pregnancy so I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to track their siblings. However I think you are likely not so much upset that he's tracking her pregnancy, but more the lack of interest in yours in comparison as he should be more interested in his own child.

123ZYX · 04/12/2025 18:26

It’s up to him if he wants to track her pregnancy, but if it’s bothering you, you can ask that it’s in his own rather than your shared calendar

NancyJoan · 04/12/2025 18:24

It does seem odd. Just ask him wh

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/12/2025 18:23

Just concentrate on your own family and let her buzz along in the background. She sounds a total pain in the arse but you aren’t going to change her so all you can do is be happy despite her rather tedious nonsense.

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:20

Sugarsugarcane · 04/12/2025 18:19

Sorry, I wasn’t clear, I mean if they discuss her pregnancy, she’s sounds very precious like she’d expect him to know all of the dates if she asked him

Show quote history

I doubt it because she isn't really like that with him. As in she doesn't divulge anything about her life to him ever. She didn't even tell him she was pregnant. MIL told us when she was 13 weeks.

It would be out of character for her to expect DH to know anything about her. I feel like he's very shut out from her life. Whether that's intentional or if that's how they've always been isn't clear. I get the impression DH really wants more of a relationship with her.

OP posts:
Sugarsugarcane · 04/12/2025 18:19

lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:12

Sorry I didn't quite follow - asked him what?

Show quote history

Sorry, I wasn’t clear, I mean if they discuss her pregnancy, she’s sounds very precious like she’d expect him to know all of the dates if she asked him

Wingedharpy · 04/12/2025 18:19

Sugarsugarcane · 04/12/2025 18:11

I’d say given your SILs dramatics he’s covering his back in case she asks and then loses her shit if he doesn’t have the details.
also to say, have you asked him??

That was my thought too.
Maybe using some sort of link/app she's sent him?

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:16

pestowithwalnuts · 04/12/2025 18:12

Definitely weird..
And the sil sounds a real problem

Show quote history

SIL has definitely calmed down a lot in more recent times. She still makes me nervous about what she might do/how she might behave but it's definitely more normal interactions than not.

As a person I think she might actually be nice (she has lots of friends and a very active social life) but for whatever reason she's not a fan of me and so I have experienced her ugly side a lot.

OP posts:
pestowithwalnuts · 04/12/2025 18:12

Owlmoonstar · 04/12/2025 17:55

Weird. Sounds like she's a massive attention seeker and he feeds into it.

Definitely weird..
And the sil sounds a real problem

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:12

Sugarsugarcane · 04/12/2025 18:11

I’d say given your SILs dramatics he’s covering his back in case she asks and then loses her shit if he doesn’t have the details.
also to say, have you asked him??

Sorry I didn't quite follow - asked him what?

OP posts:
Sugarsugarcane · 04/12/2025 18:11

I’d say given your SILs dramatics he’s covering his back in case she asks and then loses her shit if he doesn’t have the details.
also to say, have you asked him??

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:10

He's only just done the calendar in the last half hour and is currently feeding DD her dinner (he is off work as I have the flu). Once DD is in bed I'll speak to him about it.

He is generally kind and considerate as a husband.

However some of our worst arguments in our relationship stem from how I feel about his sister or her behaviour who he is always initially very defensive about. Part of the reason why I made the thread is that I am conscious of how anything to do with his sister annoys me (because of the way she's behaved in the past) and so I wondered whether a more unbiased audience would have replied with something like "he's just taking an interest" or "it's really no big deal" etc

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 04/12/2025 18:04

If the key isn’t back I suggest dh retrieves it immediately or change the locks. How whacky and zany of her to strip at your wedding and create drama in your home. Perhaps she needs some consequences?
Tell dh your due date and suggest that he sets some reminders because he seems rather uninterested in your pregnancy. DO NOT enter into some weird “pick me” dance with his sister it sounds exactly what she wants and depressing for you.
Plan something both you and dh can look forward to, today, this week and this month. It’s corny but a very good way of resetting your feelings.

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:03

CandyCaneKisses · 04/12/2025 17:56

I would question if he is genuinely interested or is he doing it to make you feel bad in ‘look at how much I care about my sister and not you’ sort of underhand way.

DH otherwise seems OK about the second pregnancy ie. Making sure he is available to watch DD while I have my appointments etc (I'm a SAHM and she hasn't yet started nursery)

OP posts:
Notquitethetruth · 04/12/2025 18:03

That is very bizarre. Hope you have called him out on it and asked him to explain his reasoning. How on earth can he justify it, especially given her previous behaviour and her lack of interest in your older child.
Your post reads like you have been conditioned to accept rude and disrespectful behaviour not only from his sister but also your husband.
Please take a long hard look at the whole situation. Something is definitely off.

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:01

Replying back to the Friends reference - his sister and him do not seem to be otherwise close (we've been married 6 years). And they don't see or speak to each other much at all. The frequency has definitely decreased over the time we've been married. I have always felt DH over shares our life to her but he/we know very little about hers. @OrangeSequin @Youdontseehow

FIL died about 8 years before DH and I met and DH sort of took on the looking after his family role in the sense that MIL and SIL would get together at his - I have always wondered whether SIL (not MIL ever who is very nice) felt I disrupted that for them.

@OrangeSequin initially DH felt uncomfortable with a potential confrontation with SIL about the key but eventually did get it off her

OP posts:
MowingMachine · 04/12/2025 17:59

You have three issues here:

  1. I barely knew what week I was on, with my one and only pregnancy. Second pregnancies are not as exciting to anybody. The due date is not sacred.

  2. Your odd SIL.

  3. Your DH's relationship with his sister.