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Original poster

To be annoyed DH is tracking his sister's pregnancy

59 replies

lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 17:52

I am due to give birth in January. DH keeps forgetting the due date and doesn't know what week of the pregnancy I'm on.

His sister is due to give birth a few months later and he's put a weekly event in mine and his shared calendar.

This is our second pregnancy but does it mean you should be this level of checked out
.. I can guarantee you he doesn't even know what day of the week ours even falls on to put this pregnancy in a calendar.

When I was pregnant with our first his sister barely paid any attention and I think visited DD maybe 3 times ever since she's been born (she is now nearly 3).

Relevant backstory - when we dated and got married DH'a sister was always a bit rude and difficult with me. Examples include letting herself in to our home with a spare key she had and refusing to give it back, stripping down to her underwear in front of people at our wedding (she wasn't drunk), inviting herself over and then not showing up without saying anything, crying at family events that she pressured DH and I to host (ie. in our home) and making a scene in general. For the record, I am always polite and kind and don't rise to the drama.

AIBU to feel annoyed DH is putting this much importance on his sister's pregnancy?8

OP posts:
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Topseyt123 · 04/12/2025 21:26

Well, he's oddly overinvested in his sister's pregnancy and that would irritate me for sure.

What I really can't understand though is why you are at pains to be kind and polite to his sister given the way she behaves? I wouldn't be.

Why does she have a spare key to your house? I'd get that back sharpish and if she wouldn't give it then I'd change the locks so that her key wouldn't work. I really wouldn't care what sort of a tantrum she threw over it. She hasn't been at all respectful of you and her behaviour is awful.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 04/12/2025 21:14

I think she sounds vulnerable rather than spiteful because the social mistakes she is making are so stark. Spitefulness would take a more covert form, usually? But she doesn't seem to mind others seeing her stripped down to her underwear at a wedding, nor others at a social gathering perhaps being aware that she would happily have taken all the children's party bags at a party for children. This sounds like the problem may not just centre on the conflict between the OP and her SIL.

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 04/12/2025 20:53

And so disrespectful to remove her sari. Bonkers!

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 04/12/2025 20:49

lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 20:43

I don't really know because I wasn't there when it happened. Guests, the wedding photographer and my sister all told me after the wedding. Something about her being uncomfortable in her clothes so she took off her dress out of annoyance. But it happened where everyone was milling about as opposed to toilets or something.

The only reason I link it to her possibly doing it out of revenge or spite is that it was a bridesmaid's outfit. Which I also said she didn't have to wear if it was uncomfortable. And I very much only did it because I felt like I had to include her as one. Otherwise I would honestly never dream of telling her what to do/wear etc. And so as not to drip feed - it was a sari as I come from an Indian culture (and that's what everyone else was wearing) and the outfits were paid for by me so nobody had to buy something they wouldn't wear again. But also to get into your undies within an Indian culture is pretty taboo and so I do think part of it was out of spite.

Edited
Show quote history

Whaaat? She sounds like a grown woman with the mental capacity of a toddler.

edit: I posted this before you updated with more context. That further explanation makes more sense. But still quite childish!

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 20:43

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 04/12/2025 20:16

WHY was she walking around in her underwear at your wedding?? Please please share more of that story.

I don't really know because I wasn't there when it happened. Guests, the wedding photographer and my sister all told me after the wedding. Something about her being uncomfortable in her clothes so she took off her dress out of annoyance. But it happened where everyone was milling about as opposed to toilets or something.

The only reason I link it to her possibly doing it out of revenge or spite is that it was a bridesmaid's outfit. Which I also said she didn't have to wear if it was uncomfortable. And I very much only did it because I felt like I had to include her as one. Otherwise I would honestly never dream of telling her what to do/wear etc. And so as not to drip feed - it was a sari as I come from an Indian culture (and that's what everyone else was wearing) and the outfits were paid for by me so nobody had to buy something they wouldn't wear again. But also to get into your undies within an Indian culture is pretty taboo and so I do think part of it was out of spite.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 04/12/2025 20:34

lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 20:08

I just asked. He said it came about because he wanted to know if she knew the gender so we would know whether to charity shop DD's stuff or hold them back for her. We're having a boy this time and don't plan on having more.

She told him when she would find out and that's how it went about being in the calendar.
I believe SIL and her husband's income are not great (charity sector and temping) and could definitely use the help. This will sound hideous of me... Where I've been very happy to give DD's stuff to others, I sort of don't want to do that for SIL. But I will have to because if I didn't it would be too unkind.

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This makes sense and makes it a lot less weird!

Re the clothes.
I'd view it as you are doing it for the child not her iyswim.

Also after age 3 there is a lot less in the form of hand me downs as everything gets more wear and is wrecked towards the end anyway.

I'd also feel free to hold on to sentimental stuff or things you love and also to give some things to others of stick them on vinted ot obliged to give every scrap to them.

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 04/12/2025 20:16

WHY was she walking around in her underwear at your wedding?? Please please share more of that story.

5128gap · 04/12/2025 20:13

lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 20:08

I just asked. He said it came about because he wanted to know if she knew the gender so we would know whether to charity shop DD's stuff or hold them back for her. We're having a boy this time and don't plan on having more.

She told him when she would find out and that's how it went about being in the calendar.
I believe SIL and her husband's income are not great (charity sector and temping) and could definitely use the help. This will sound hideous of me... Where I've been very happy to give DD's stuff to others, I sort of don't want to do that for SIL. But I will have to because if I didn't it would be too unkind.

Show quote history

Ah, glad there's an explanation.

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 20:08

5128gap · 04/12/2025 19:42

The whole dynamic seems odd to me. Her constant acting up around him yet at the same time shutting him out. His over investment in her pregnancy compared with yours. Their relationship seems...off? I think you probably need to good talk with your husband, starting with asking him why he's tracking her pregnancy and less interested in yours, then moving on to ask his take on her odd behaviour.

I just asked. He said it came about because he wanted to know if she knew the gender so we would know whether to charity shop DD's stuff or hold them back for her. We're having a boy this time and don't plan on having more.

She told him when she would find out and that's how it went about being in the calendar.
I believe SIL and her husband's income are not great (charity sector and temping) and could definitely use the help. This will sound hideous of me... Where I've been very happy to give DD's stuff to others, I sort of don't want to do that for SIL. But I will have to because if I didn't it would be too unkind.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/12/2025 19:54

Bookpage · 04/12/2025 19:45

Does he need to know though? He needs to know key dates but does he need to keep count of the weeks?

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But he doesn’t even know the due date! He keeps forgetting.

Pinkosand · 04/12/2025 19:51

Yeah of course it's annoying. If there's several pregnancies on the go, obviously his wife's should be priority.

Bookpage · 04/12/2025 19:45

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/12/2025 19:38

This would track except:

DH keeps forgetting the due date and doesn't know what week of the pregnancy I'm on.

Show quote history

Does he need to know though? He needs to know key dates but does he need to keep count of the weeks?

5128gap · 04/12/2025 19:42

The whole dynamic seems odd to me. Her constant acting up around him yet at the same time shutting him out. His over investment in her pregnancy compared with yours. Their relationship seems...off? I think you probably need to good talk with your husband, starting with asking him why he's tracking her pregnancy and less interested in yours, then moving on to ask his take on her odd behaviour.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/12/2025 19:38

Bookpage · 04/12/2025 19:34

This is the sort of thing I'd do for something I should be interested in but am not really.

So, in your DH's shoes I'd expect to be involved in your pregnancy everyday, I wouldn't need a reminder, but for Dsis I might need reminding to make the "required" amount of supportive noises iyswim.

This would track except:

DH keeps forgetting the due date and doesn't know what week of the pregnancy I'm on.

Bookpage · 04/12/2025 19:34

This is the sort of thing I'd do for something I should be interested in but am not really.

So, in your DH's shoes I'd expect to be involved in your pregnancy everyday, I wouldn't need a reminder, but for Dsis I might need reminding to make the "required" amount of supportive noises iyswim.

ProfessorInkling · 04/12/2025 19:30

Could it be that now your DC will have a baby cousin she'd like to be a bit more involved/closer?

Mumofmarauders · 04/12/2025 19:24

I’m annoyed just reading about this family, so I can’t imagine how you feel! I think chat to your DH about it. It might be that he knows his sister is a drama llama so wants to keep on top of anything she’ll think he should know (aka get furious at him if he doesn’t)? But he should know how it makes you feel and be more focused on your baby for sure!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/12/2025 19:19

I wouldn’t be annoyed, I’d be grossed out! So creepy.

My DH probably wouldn’t have known how many weeks I was with any of them but he knew all three of their due dates. He definitely wasn’t more invested in his sister’s pregnancy than he was in mine. He showed the appropriate level of enthusiasm for his new nieces.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 04/12/2025 19:15

lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 19:05

Can I have some advice on what to say... I do find it annoying what he's done but I don't want to come across (yet again) as "stop taking her side"

I've deleted myself off the shared invite so I'll probably tell him that. And say why he hasn't done it for ours or tracked ours at all...And then be a bit pass agg and put ours in our shared calendar.

Edited

Honestly I'd ask for marriage counselling.. .
This isnt going away

He probably feels caught between you two and like he needs to "pick a side". A good therapist can probably help you navigate this

Is the baby's father on the scene... if not I can see this escalating rapidly once her baby arrives

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 19:05

Can I have some advice on what to say... I do find it annoying what he's done but I don't want to come across (yet again) as "stop taking her side"

I've deleted myself off the shared invite so I'll probably tell him that. And say why he hasn't done it for ours or tracked ours at all...And then be a bit pass agg and put ours in our shared calendar.

OP posts:
Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 19:03

PinkyFlamingo · 04/12/2025 18:57

The only man that is remotely interested in the progress of a pregnancy, week number etc is the babies father.

Ok well DH is definitely not that 🤣😳

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 04/12/2025 18:57

The only man that is remotely interested in the progress of a pregnancy, week number etc is the babies father.

Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:52

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 04/12/2025 18:50

Have you commented on it? What did he say?

Not yet, DH is still doing bedtime

OP posts:
Original poster
lizzidripping · 04/12/2025 18:52

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 04/12/2025 18:49

Im sorry WHAT???

Most recently at DD's birthday party she collected all the giftbags to take home with her

Can you explain more?
She took multiple childrens party bags???
What did she say????

When I asked about it she said she wanted to take them for her friends if we weren't doing anything with them. I said we were and they were for the kids. Her friends are all late 30s/early 40s and have no kids. This is what I mean when I say she's difficult/stressful.

OP posts:
Bananaandmangosmoothie · 04/12/2025 18:50

Have you commented on it? What did he say?