What is reasonable. DS 25 going solo travelling.

Just ignore people looking for arguments, and work out a check in he feels comfortable with. It’s a lovely gift that you contributed to his trip to Thailand and Vietnam.

How often does he check in with you now? I presume he is living independently? So bad things could happen but are unlikely and if they did happen it would take you some time to be with him. If you are ok with the current frequency of contact then go with that?

No no. Is this the level of crazed protective parenting we've reached when an adult has a parent set 'reasonable expectations'? He's not a 13yo with a curfew. At 18 I strapped on a backpack and went to live and travel in Africa- no internet, no phone, poste restante every month or 2 on those blue aerogrammes. I'm not even that old.

It's really important for young people to get lost. That's why you go travelling. They definitely shouldn't be managing their parents' anxiety and their parents have no business setting any kind of expectation whatsoever.

It makes me feel sad, really. The joy and freedom of no one knowing where you are is unparalleled.

I know he is quite a bit younger by my 19 year old is happy that I have him on 'find my iPhone' as it stops me worrying and means that so long as he is roughly where I expect him to be, he doesn't have to always remember to contact me!

I certainly don't police what he is up to or how late he is out etc. it's just for peace of mind. I just ask if he had a good time.

He can also (and occasionally does) track me.

How is your son about keeping in touch when away from home? I would expect contact every few days and DS would be happy to oblige. I tell him I worry because I'm his mum. He gets it, Long may it continue.

Do bear in mind though that internet may be sketchy in some areas, and also make sure you have his preferred form of social media - my son rarely uses texts but is on snap chat and as a result so am I. He likes to send me pics when he is on holiday and his girlfriend even sends them too (and will remind him to call)!

It's always fine to remind our offspring of any risks especially when doing something new, if they know great, if they didn't you are doing your job. Being a mum doesn't stop when they hit 18!

It is really restrictive.

I wouldn’t want to commit to having to contact my mum every 12 hours in the UK let alone having fun travelling when I may be in a bar, halfway up a mountain with no phone reception etc.

And some people don't want to be in touch at all. (and he's not a 'youngster.')

The point is that communication should be up to the traveler, not to people at home anxiously tapping their toes waiting for the daily proof of life. They need to manage their anxiety some other way.

My son is solo travelling in Asia and is 25, he has gone for 3 months. He’s in Thailand at the moment then going to Vietnam, loving the trip.
We call once a week for a long conversation and we have a family group chat that he chips in and send photos of travels every now & then but I’m sure your son and you will settle down in to a routine that suits you best.

I have to agree. That phrase OP "parenting a young adult and his independence." is something I'd apply to a 17/18 yr old.........your son is 25!!! 25!!!!!

Of course you are always going to worry about him but come on, your "parenting" days are over, just let him be.

OP my DD is 20 and has been travelling through Asia since February.

I would say - it will depend very much on where he is at the time and what he is doing. DD has been to places with patchy internet and so has been incommunicado for a few days. If she is in an airport or train station we will have quite a conversation as she is bored and has time to kill.

Generally we do hear from her every day or 2. But that is also because we reach out to her and let her know what is going on with us. We mainly correspond via messenger. I like messenger because it tells me when she was last active so even if she hasn't been messaging me I know that she is talking to friends.

I would not set any expectations other than to say you'd love to see photos as he goes.

If it was my DD I'd want to hear from her every couple of days- which is totally hypocritical as I only called my Dad ONCE in 9 months when I backpacked Asia when I was 25. And that was only because I needed him to do something for me. He must have been so worried but had to rely on the odd letter.

My mate's son was kidnapped while travelling in the region. It's not Brittany or Barcelona, there are real & significant dangers. A daily proof of life supplied to the only people the Foreign & Commonwealth Office will take seriously if things go bad is minimally sensible travel planning.

But he shouldn't have to feel that his mum is anxious and that he somehow has a responsibility for that.

Travelling when young is about building independence and taking responsibility for one's self. Not remaining to be digitally attached to home throughout.

A WhatsApp every few days/once a week maybe?
Just because solo travelling, if he was with a group I would expect less

Well, email's free; one sentence once a day doesn't seem like too much to ask. When I'm on holiday I send my mother a picture of whatever interesting sight I've seen today, once a day, and it stops her fretting. Strange how many people on here seem to think it's completely unreasonable to expect a young man to show the tiniest bit of consideration for his mother's feelings. Teach him that he should and who knows, perhaps when he's a bit older, he might even show respect and consideration to his wife.

I do think the lines are very blurred no
A PP talking about using find my phone so she can put the dinner on
For an actual adult 🤷‍♀️

I disagree. I know multiple people, including a married colleague in his 30s, and myself, who have fallen for elaborate scams abroad despite being well travelled. It's absolutely worth finding out common scams in the country you plan to visit and know it can happen to you.

OP - I would ask, as a minimum, for him to message you every time he changes accommodation, with an address.

Totally agree with this.

of course you will worry about your kids at any age but he has to decide how much he contacts you as he is an adult and should not be responsible for your anxiety while he is away wanting to have fun.

when I went away at that age I probably messaged my parents once a week to say hi because I wanted to but they never put expectations on me. If they did I would have massively kicked against that and it would have impacted me wanting to message them.

my parents are far from perfect but I have always appreciated them not putting their anxieties on me.

You don’t need to parent a 25 year old OP, assuming no additional needs. Surely you have the relationship where he’ll call you when he feels like it and vice versa.

Also stop calling him a Young Adult 😂 that’s what high school and college teens are known as. He’s a normal-age full adult.

Do your cars have a particularly exciting lifestyle?!

I think you're being a bit dramatic. A pp said her dd on hol keeps in touch daily, I bet many tourists message several times daily, I know someone whose dd posted 20 pics of temples a day so it is doable and totally normal, unclench a bit. Youngsters spend a lot of time online even when 'abroad'.

Obviously if a tourist wants to go off grid and only message weekly that is fine too, but to have an agreement in place is again completely normal.

It's not the time it takes to send a text, it's the absurdity of having that obligation hanging over one's head 24/7. What if she meets someone and wants to spend 24 hours in bed having wild sex? "Oops, it's 9pm, I need to text mum and dad."

How can one fully enjoy the experience of being abroad if one is tethered to home by that sort of expectation? it's not for her benefit, it's for the parents, who should be managing their stress in some less intrusive way.

It isn't 'insane' at all. It works for them, everyone is different. You know messages take like 20 seconds yes? Not like the pp is saying she expects handwritten letters from her dc every single day.

Op came on here or help,
a lot of negative posts, not helpful.
If a young adult still lives at home as we assume he does, of course that’s different from those of us who’s kids had gap years, moved away to University or just traveled before starting work. As I answered earlier and if you look at my past posts my daughter has traveled extensively but it’s the normal for us, if you are facing your child of any age going away you want to be reassured and that’s what the op is asking, not to be told she’s being unreasonable, you don’t stop caring because your child is an adult.

I think this highlights the issue with so many grown adults living at home until they can afford to buy a house instead of living in cheap, shared houses like many of us did back in the day. It really blurs the lines. Like many people on here I had been living hundreds of miles away from my family for 7 years by the time I was 25 and didn’t need chats on drugs and alcohol, insurance etc because I was a fully grown adult and seen as that by my family.

Hopefully the culture will begin to change again where young adults are able to move out and live an adult life again. I imagine dating people who have never lived independently can be a challenge when mummy is still doing so much for grown adults when they should be learning all this themselves.

Multi-generational living arrangements are commonplace and have been the norm throughout human kind; this notion of everyone having their own dwelling is mainly a brief post WWII blip in history and clearly coming to an end.

Pooling resources has been a means of survival and often upward mobility for most humans and is not indicative of immaturity or "failure to launch." It's practical.

The infantilizaing is a separate issue.