What is reasonable. DS 25 going solo travelling.

I think there's a lot of poor relationships between parent - adult child coming into play with the responses too. My 47yo brother does a lot of solo travelling in remote (and sometimes dangerous) places. He still messages my mum every few days, or she messages him, not because he's been babied - quite the opposite with him! But because they have a good relationship and actually want to communicate with each other!

I think this bit is the issue, you aren't thinking of him as a fully fledged adult, and at 25 he definitely is! He isn't particularly young.

You can offer to be an emergency contact, but it's up to him. Then maybe text every 3-5 days if you haven't heard to see what he's up to.

I think this is where your thinking is questionable.

Is he not independent because he had some diagnosed/ undiagnosed SEN or is he not independent because he has had the misfortune to be born into a generation where pay is low, tax is high and house prices/ rent are even higher, in which case deeming him as "not as independent of his parents" is really unfair and belittling. It must be tough for both parents and adult offspring in this situation, but it might be worth you reflecting on it from your side whilst he is away.

In terms of asking for funding for the trip, you raised him, he is obviously comfortable asking, are you comfortable saying no. It's cheeky he asked, but now you've given it, it is a gift, and needs to be viewed as such.

You're not unreasonable to run through a last minute checklist before leaving the house, passport, tickets, insurance, methanol advice etc. But just the once and then leave him to it.

I have a 26 year old dd who solo travels fairly regularly. We have family tracking enabled through Life360, and she adds the hotels she’s staying in as set locations so I can see when she’s made it home safe each evening. She usually rings or WhatsApps everyday, and if she’s heading somewhere where she’s unlikely to have an internet signal for a few days (e.g. hiking in a remote area), she lets me know in advance and says when she expects to be back online.

Definitely not hitting his parents up for a couple thousand pounds to live fancy free for a few weeks in Asia

Wow, I feel very fortunate that my similarly-aged children funded their own travel! I would have had to say no to this request!

I was referring to others’ anecdotes and suggestions.

Once a day! He's 25. How on earth is he supposed to go off and be independent if he has to check in with mummy once a day. When we went travelling back In the 90's it was a postcard every 6 weeks!

Love this. It’s a bit of a shift in attitude from your OP, but I think you’ve got this right.
Hope he has a fantastic time!

Very well said.

If the parents don’t want to be his emergency contact, they should say so. But that’s totally irrelevant to demanding a daily check-in.

Actually to many of us, one of the great joys of traveling is detaching from everyday humdrum life.

Being tethered via a daily obligatory interaction would feel stifling and take us out of the moment.

I don’t know anyone who is so needy as to require a daily update.

We all have obligations towards our families - parents to children, children to parents. They're not suspended when we're on holiday. He can spare one minute in every 24 hours to let his mum know he's ok. (I wouldn't call concern for the wellbeing of your child an "issue"). A young person travelling is probably doing lots of updates and pictures etc for their friends; it doesn't take a moment to do a one-line email or text or social media post for the family. Presumably if something awful did actually happen to him, he'd be quick enough to call his parents, and they wouldn't be moaning about the "onus" being on them to care and to help. Families care about each other, and don't deliberately cause needless anxiety to each other. Why do some people find this so odd? I send my mum an email once a day when I travel, and I'm 48. It stops her worrying, and she likes to feel involved in what I'm doing, if only by seeing a picture. It's just being considerate. His parents have devoted a big chunk of their lives to getting him to this point - a healthy, capable, independent and confident person who can go off and live his own life. It's not unreasonable to teach him that he owes them just a tiny bit of consideration.

But OP he is a grown man. He should be researching it himself! Fine for you to remind him if it makes you feel better, but it really shouldn't be the first he's heard of any of this. If it is, then you should reflect on why he might be so useless.

I have been to Thailand & Vietnam several times

Ensure has purchased travel insurance insurance

Ensure he observes visa requirements

Buy E SIM on mobile phone to stay connected

Keep passport safe

Be respectful of all monks, The Thai Royal Family & elder people

It is Asia, not the moon, he will be fine

Suggest ask him to WhatsApp you a couple of interesting photos of daily life once he is there

Yes and you can guarantee the first people he will call should he have a problem will be his parents, so 'independent' yes but also no doubt reliant on their help.

That's normal up and down generations in most family's and always has been, it's called "next of kin", the police/ hospital/embassy will do it too if you're unconscious. It doesn't mean that everyone needs to be in constant contact or tracked as some people would with their adult children if they could.

Cheap Internationally roaming has a lot to answer for.

Because that creates an obligation hanging over his head when he should be immersing himself in this enriching experience.

The parents need to manage their own issues without putting the onus upon him.

Indeed! Daily check-ins achieve very little other than stopping you worrying. If DC miss a check-in (phone dies, in a remote area, they forget)...then what? You just get to worry but you have no means to do anything about it. It'd be better to just adjust expectations so you're not worrying if you've not heard from them for a few days.

Practically speaking, enabling location tracking is more useful as an actual safety measure, along with ensuring that the phone has emergency contacts set up and that the DC also has emergency contact details memorised in the event of losing their phone/wallet etc.

Yes and you can guarantee the first people he will call should he have a problem will be his parents, so 'independent' yes but also no doubt reliant on their help.

Tourists can go on their trips without checking in every hour, but messaging every couple of days when on a solo trip is absolutely normal and does not write the person off as some kind of wet mummy's boy.

Why not, if she is anxious? All it takes is a quick "Hi, I am fine, having a brilliant time, look at this awesome view where I am". And she can tell him that she and the rest of the family are ok too, which he hopefully cares about. It doesn't make him any less independent or responsible for himself. Married people travelling alone make contact with their spouse at least once a day, usually. It's just what families do.

So many women on MN complaining that their husbands are thoughtless self-centred pigs. So many women on MN encouraging their sons to be thoughtless self-centred pigs.

I'd say you're looking at it the wrong way. You message him every few days to start a conversation (How was the temple? How was the beach? Did you arrive ok? etc.) Then he has the opportunity to converse rather than 'check in with mum'.

Just call and text normally/as much as you can don’t put the pressure on for a set amount on contact, when I went travelling when I was 21 I just called when I wanted too…

Which is why my DD decided on 12 hours. She’s not going to be up a mountain for 12 hours or in a bar for 12 hours, but she can quickly send a message while waiting for her dinner or while getting breakfast and organising her day.

It’s not rocket science, MN just likes being weird about everything.

Also if you get in touch with the foreign and commonwealth office and say 'I've not heard from my 25yo son for a week, he's travelling in Vietnam' they are not going to 'take you seriously'. They won't do anything. They're both incredibly touristy countries with young people who go there to have a really, really good time. They're not readying the sniffer dogs, they're not going to intervene in an adult's life.

He's not trying to trek to the north pole or traverse the Darien Gap on foot. It's basically a beach holiday.