What is reasonable. DS 25 going solo travelling.

None of that would be normal for a 25 year old though. An 18/19 year old on their first trip, perhaps. Not full grown adults in their mid 20s. That's some serious infanitilising.

I'm talking about data needs topping up, money running out, needing more tickets etc. Many posters keep saying 'he's 25! He is Independent!' Yes but I bet these independent tourists would soon be on the blower to their parents for more funds

What the fuck? Adults plan and manage their own money.

This. Is 25 a “young” adult?

He’s 25…it’s up to him.

I have two 25-year-olds working in my team. They manage projects, handle procurement processes etc, develop strategies, chair meetings and negotiate with very senior people, sit on interview panels etc. In their non-work lives they are entirely independent adults and no, they absolutely would not be 'needing their data topping up' or anything similar by their bloody mum while they were travelling. Jeez.

My nephew's now 28 and he managed to emigrate at 25 without any assistance from his parents, so I'm pretty sure he could have managed a few weeks travelling in Vietnam without needing their help in topping up his phone and booking his tickets. .

At younger than 25, i missed a flight (hungover -oops) in a non English speaking country, rearranged it and rearranged onwards travel timings and my parents never knew a thing, couldn't be bothered with the judgement (that i clearly deserved!!). Why would you assume he would involve his parents.

I also, again under 25, broke my hand in the Alps, doctors there fobbed me off with just splinting it and told me it would heal in 2 weeks, i had 2 weeks left in holiday, so no need to tell them. Got back to the UK turned out it was a really bad injury and needed surgery, obviously told them at this point.

I'm not talking about nok scenarios or contact for an emergency I'm talking about data needs topping up, money running out, needing more tickets etc. Many posters keep saying 'he's 25! He is Independent!' Yes but I bet these independent tourists would soon be on the blower to their parents for more funds should it be needed. Which is fine but it works both ways, we support them they contact us.

It is 2025 no one is having to source farflung post offices to send telegrams, messaging is a quick and easy thing.

If it were me op I'd ask to message at least twice a week or update FB/IG so we would know all ok.

No, because he’s 25.

When they are arrive and when they come home, 25! not a child

Of course, which is why it needs to be whatever it’s agreed and comfortable between them.

Someone mentioned they send their children photos every other day or something and a poster was like “what if your kids don’t want photos!!!” which is honestly ridiculous.

Absolutely this. Giving him some sort of timetable to check in with you is a recipe for fall outs and worry on your behalf when he is busy/forgets or whatever (someone suggested once a day - barking mad, sorry). If he’s a nice man, he will care about worrying his parents and check in regularly. A family what’s app, Facebook etc would be handy, so he can dump photos/text etc, you all get to see without him having to phone at a certain time.

But not for the better necessarily. The culture of "if you're not constantly in touch you must be dead" is not a healthy one.

He's 25. The only "reasonable" thing is to talk to him about it adult to adult then let him decide.

When I travelled, back in the dark ages, I sent a letter or postcard to my mum every few weeks. She never knew where I was currently. Oh and I phoned her on Christmas Day which made her panic because she assumed there was a problem.

And when my aunts and uncles migrated they checked in with my grandmother every other year or so. Times change.

You say he’s not much of a Social Media user, but in this case it can be a blessing. When our DD took off around Asia, she kept a photo diary - which means that 10 years on, she still has all those wonderful memories in her photos.

Posting daily meant we didn’t have to worry as we could see from the selfies she was having a great time. The agreement was that she would call us when possible, which she did, but calls were short and only when she changed Country - which was fine: her travelogue was amazing and when she returned, she had an album made up from the best pictures.

But your kids might not want or need you to "check in" every few days! Obviously, you'll be fine. They might be rolling their eyes and saying "oh [expletive] mother thinks we can't manage without her". When people are away then, as PPs have said, no news is good news.

Mine are frequent solo travellers.
They both have their last seen on WhatsApp visible. That’s all I look at.

No it really isn't! No adult should feel obligated to do this, because it's massive overkill.

I'm saying that it would be totally reasonable for him to not contact you at all and not a negative reflection on your relationship. Equally if he chooses to contact every day then that's fine. There is no "reasonable" or unreasonable in this situation. That's the problem, the answer you want doesn't exist.

I think it's difficult to understand what you are asking then. If you're not expecting something, why are you asking other people on the Internet what's reasonable, ie what you should ask for from him? Sorry if you feel that's projection, but it does appear to imply an expectation so that's what people are responding to.

Just talk to your son about it, and try not to worry even if he doesn't stay in regular contact - he will be absolutely fine. Remember that these stories you hear of things happening to travellers abroad are one in a million.

I think the ‘asking what would be reasonable’ bit suggested you wanted to impose rules on him whilst he is away.
You haven’t done that. All is good.

Ok, when I traveled at the same age, I phoned my parents once a week (from a phone booth using an international phone card) and would try and get to an internet cafe once or twice a week and send an email, although as time was limited I would also try and send longer emails to my friends. However, times have changed, adult children are living with parents longer, so whilst some on here where moved out, married with kids by 25 back then, many parents are used to contact with their adult children every day. Also it’s easier and cheaper to keep in contact abroad now, you don’t have to internally wrangle about the cost of an internet cafe or a text. A WhatsApp photo takes literally seconds to send, no time out of your day at all. I would say a quick message every other day would be nice.

I have a 23 yr old son in NZ at present, he is a year in and takes part in some very adventurous sports such as MTB, snowboarding, mountaineering and multi day hikes. A couple of years ago my other son at 18 travelled Japan, Korea, China, Aus and NZ.
I have no expectation of them to contact me. And it does not freak me or upset me even if it is 10-14 days between a wee WhatsApp or a post on social media. My two are pretty responsive, but a non-response does not have me fearing the worst automatically. And if I did fear the worst, I don't share that with them.

They are grown adults, they are responsible for themselves.

Both of mine have ICE on their mobiles and carry information about who they are. The one in NZ has good housemates and a few of them have my number / can see who I am on social media. The day he did have a (big) MTB accident his pals were in contact quicker than he was - he was not even in the ambulance before they WhatsApp'ed me.

More then a few years ago when I travelled we had nothing but postcards and letters home - my parent heard from me once a fortnight or once a month.

I think it's normal for a 25yo still stuck living with his parents to want a few weeks/ months totally parent free, and good for the relationship.