What is reasonable. DS 25 going solo travelling.

My 23 year old is going for 3 months in March and I am going to leave him to it, that being said he likes to be in touch.

I went to Africa for my 40th birthday with my 2 teenagers. We told their dad that they would message him and keep in touch. We sent him our itinerary and contact details for the lodges we were staying in (he isn’t generally that interested in them anyway but I felt it was the right thing to do.)
Then for 6 days the internet didn’t work. We couldn’t contact him. I couldn’t contact my boyfriend (who is so chilled out he wasn’t bothered) and I couldn’t check in for our return flights, which stressed me out as it was a short change over so I would have preferred to be checked in. I had the best intentions but it wasn’t possible to stay in touch.

So with the best will in the world whatever you agree with him it might not be possible for him to stick to. If everything works and he can send WhatsApp messages then great but that might not be the case.
Also I was a big fan of life 360 for reassurance as I can see where my teens are and visa versa. Then last week it showed my son as being in the harbour. This is a place where several people have drowned so obviously very worrying to see life 360 showing him as in there. He wasn’t in the harbour thank god. He was in a pub next to the harbour. So I don’t know how reassuring this methods of checking in to reassure us are.

Op, I think some posters are being unreasonably harsh. You aren't trying to control him at all. You are just being his mum.

I'm gone 40 and my mum is the same. It used to drive me crazy in my 20s but I know it comes from a good place.

Ask him, just tell him you'd like to know he's ok and for him to check in the odd time. See what he says.

I leave the time seen option on my whatsapp so that my mum knows I'm alive even if I haven't messaged her. Sure, it's a little crazy but it makes her happy! If he's uses whatsapp regularly it might be an option.

He is a 25 year old grown man. When I was growing up in the 1980s most 25 year old men were married with children and a mortgage. I understand that times have changed & independent adulthood comes later these days, but at 25 he really doesn’t need ‘parenting’.

All you can really do is have a chat with him & tell him that you would appreciate it if he checked in with you via WhatsApp or whatever from time to time to tell you how he’s getting on.

When I was solo travelling I rang once a week. I wouldn't have wanted to be more in touch than that personally as I was enjoying the freedom and solo time.

I think you patronised him. He is not a youngster.

listened he did do what most youngsters do and roll their eyes like they know everything already…

This is how you see your son, as a child. You are not communicating with him as a fellow adult.

Dd goes solo travelling and has done since she was about 21yo. Shes still younger than your ds. She doesn’t keep in touch at all. I used to stalk her Instagram to keep an eye on her but she realised and blocked me. She ignores/doesnt even read any WhatsApp’s.

I’ve just had to come to the conclusion that if anything happens I’ll find out at some point. I backpacked round Asia at her age and we didn’t have mobile phones and internet cafes were few and far between.

i don’t even know what country she’s in half the time.

“It would make me feel happier if you sent a message once a week- would that be ok?”

do you have his itinerary?

because we can start with the assumption that both parents and son love each other and know each other cares and wouldn’t want the other to worry

Its up to him but if it was my dd id want a quick check in text at least weekly.

OP ignore some people here. In normal loving families it's normal to, you know...actually talk, and keep in touch. I'm 32 and can't imagine being on holiday and not ringing my mum a couple of times 🤷 It's not about parenting or whatever, it's about having a good relationship lol.

It's obviously not unreasonable to want your son to check in once or twice a week and share some pics. Do you have a family WhatsApp group? Maybe encourage him to share some pics on there.

People try to be cool on here, but most people would warn their young adult 'children' about Ethanol poising! I would even share this with my friends, if I thought they might not know!

When I was 19 I went to France for 6 months (Erasmus) and contacted my parents approx once every three weeks.

He's an adult. He can check in when he wants to.

I have posted this before, but the daughter of a friend was in Thailand and had been communicating daily. When that stopped, her mother checked her "find my" and tracked the phone to a police station. They had her phone because she'd died in a road accident several days before and had not yet contacted the family. While it didn't prevent the accident it allowed for quicker resolution of the situation. I was shocked by how many tourists die in Thailand every year.

Our family always has it activated, just in case of emergencies and also so I know when to start dinner. No one feels like they're being snooped on.

Ds18 is in New Zealand and we check in once a day, just a morning or sleep well then he calls once a week or so. He seems ok with that but it could be less really.

My DC message each day when they are away and also send photos of random meals they’ve eaten.

OP he's 25 not 19. Loosen up.

25 is hardly a “youngster”. You need to cut the apron strings. He’s a fully grown adult.

He is a full grown man ffs. He will call you when he wants to and you have to get right with that.

He's 25 - he doesn't need "parenting" or to "check in". He contacts you at a time/frequency of his choice.

Id say a once a week WhatsApp please..although my DS was sharing pics every 2 minutes lol

I think at less than 25, more like 20 you need to accept that your young adult child will contact you on pretty much their own terms. Don’t impose expectations