What is reasonable. DS 25 going solo travelling.

Yes, I think it's infantilising to tell a grown man to remember to keep an eye on his belongings in a strange environment.

If my sons hadn't got the sense to realise that by the age of 25, I'd think I'd done pretty lousy parenting job before then.

I’m quite embarrassed for you OP. He is not a youngster. Presumably he usually navigates life competently on his own?

No, you don't. If anything had happened you would hear about it.

DS did this exact trip recently. He was a bit younger. We have a family WhatsApp & he just posted in it every few days. We didn’t discuss it beforehand. It was fine.

None.

I did similar at a younger age (only 10 years ago so im not old and out of touch) and didn't even bother with social media.

You can't ask him to check in to manage your anxiety I'm afraid. And fwiw I really don't like the inferred sentimental that you part paid so you get a say. It's.like those PILS that think a wedding contribution gets you a say on the day. It's either a gift or it's not.

I have to say, this sounds more like he's 16 or 17 than 25. Why did you need to discuss alcohol and drugs with someone in their mid-twenties? Or expect him to check in?

35 years ago at his age I went abroad by myself for three weeks and the one time I phoned home (from a pay telephone on a street; no cell phones then) my dad, who was a very loving and protective father, seemed a bit taken aback to hear from me.

I imagine it's tough but you can't constrain his movements or put obligations for daily check-ins on him, at his age, just to assuage your worries. Part of traveling like that is immersing yourself in the experience, not constantly thinking about time zones and check-in times and whether mum is worrying. He deserves to travel unfettered by others' qualms.

I would tell him at what stage you would genuinely start to worry for his safety (perhaps 7 days with no contact?) and to check in at that frequency if possible.
I live in a tourist destination and see a number of unofficial missing persons campaigns started up only to find either that the traveller has had everything stolen and doesn’t know a single phone number or email address by heart, or that they’ve gone on a four day bender.

At 20, I went to the Greek Islands alone and for a month. I sent one postcard.

My dds were both travelling separately this year. (DD2 is still away).

I didn't have set times to phone them, but we kept in contact on what's app toth the family group and via Instagram. That seemed fine to me. We spoke on an ad hoc basis.

Both of my dds are younger than your ds. He is a grown man! That said, if it would give you peace of mind (and he doesn't mind), maybe you should suggest that you speak once a week

I think it’d be reasonable if you asked for a text twice a week confirming he is fine.

I dont think expecting daily texts/calls, phone tracking, or itinerary is reasonable.

I must admit I was expecting this to be about a 17-19 year old.

If you don’t hear from him for an unusual amount of time, ask if he’s okay?

I don’t think you need to prescribe mandated contact for an adult

Reasonable? Goodbye before the airport, proof of life at some point, hello once back. Anything else is all about what you (or he) want

Both of our DS have been away over the years from when they were 18 yo (now 25). I just asked please ping me a pic or say hi every few days so I don't worry. Then I leave it up to them. If they drop a thumbs up or a heart in the chat that's fine for me as I know they are still alive. I wouldn't place requirements like "make sure you let me know you're ok every 3 days" or anything though - they are meant to be travelling and exploring not thinking about their mum.

Makes no difference who funded it.

Depends really, he knows you love him and knows you'd feel more relaxed with check ins, so maybe each time he leaves an area to move to the next? Just as a son and mother he should know youd like to hear from him, and in case of an issue to know where he's off to next etc, just a low key quick message even.

When I went travelling (with boyfriend now husband so not solo) I had periods of a week or so when I wouldn't message, often because we were in areas with no signal. But weekly probably on average, we were away eight months though.

When I backpacked with a friend (1991, aged 24) for 6 weeks no mobile phones, nothing. I think daily phone-ins is a bit burdensome, but maybe once a week?

I’ve been to Asia and come back in my 20s without my parents even knowing I was going. I guess we are all different!

I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to give you peace of mind, to be honest. I understand it's hard but it's not on him to assuage your worries while he's off trying to have the experience of a lifetime. I travelled very widely in my 20s and 30s, living and working abroad also, and I am so thankful that my mum, by nature a worrier, never even let me be aware of her fears or ask me for any particular level of contact because she didn't want to impinge on me spreading my wings.(And as a side note that probably made me more inclined to get in touch because I didn't feel I had to).

You say it's hectic when a PP said about the period he'd like you to call the embassy after, but that is actually right - it's about his safety needs and nothing else should come into it IMO.

Blimey he's 25!! 🤦

What is reasonable is to wave him off with a smile and hope he's not so suffocated and patronised that he doesn't just breathe a massive sigh of relief and enjoy complete headspace TBH.

The thing of you giving him some of the money is completely irrelevant to the frequency of keeping in touch while he is away. He's a grown adult. He can contact you as often or not as chooses.

How often do you usually hear from him when he's in the country?

I still message my mum almost daily when we’re away on holiday at the age of 39 because I know she worries! It’s nothing about control ffs 🙄

I'm sorry if you find the responses rude but the way you are speaking about your adult son is really not normal and indicates that you've not accepted he's an adult. By 25, I had already lived in 3 different countries and by 27 I was married. I wasn't looking to my Mum to tell me about not talking to strangers or how to avoid theft.

I went backpacking round the world at his age, I bought a phone card to use at the local pay phones once in a blue moon. I emailed my friends, family once a week when I went to an internet cafe. I didn't have a mobile phone or laptop.

There is no regular update he needs to give you OP. He's an adult, let him fend for himself.

He will have a blast.

I don’t think the OP patronised him.

i didn’t give Dd a talk like that when she went to Asia, about being safe, etc as she has in the past accused me of being too involved. And then she got raped and I wish I had said something.