To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

Yes, stop. It doesn’t matter. My 23 year old watched heaps as he was up at 5 am every bloody day. It’s fine.

I completely understand how you’ve slid into this routine especially in winter.
If I was you, I’d start by not having the TV on mealtimes. Meals should be a communal, sociable event so start there and once that has been established, choose the next part of the day to cut back.
Also consider nursery if you need some time to get stuff done. It’s hard, I’ve been there so we’ll done for acknowledging things need to change.

Part of the cause she can't keep her attention for long to an activity IS the screen time.

Ditch it now.

YABU.

If you're not cut out to be a SAHM, go back to work.

It can definitely affect their development so in an ideal world, reducing screen time would be good. My little one was this age during 2020 and it was HARD to entertain her all of the time as everything was closed. Luckily we had good weather and obviously at the moment, we don’t.
It sounds like the shows aren’t bad ones (eg Cocomelon!) but perhaps reducing the time would be good. Personally I’d cut out the lunch time TV and stick with the afternoon and morning sessions.
My DCs could easily entertain themselves for ages with Happyland, Duplo, books, play doh etc at that age.

Make a deal with yourself that TV doesn't go on til after 4pm.

Does she have toys at home? In the morning and after lunch can she not just potter around and play?

Also, stick music on and have a dance party! Dance around and be silly together, make up dances. There are things I think as a parent you can let slip, and things that make a huge difference to them later on. The more time she's sat staring at the TV, the less time she's spending reading or looking at books. I always had a sense that if we hooked our son on screens early on, why would he ever be interested in books? When they're so boring compared to bright colours and noises moving around on a screen? I didn't want that for him. Later on we relaxed more but 2.5yr is so little, their brains are developing so much, it really does matter what you do with them at this age. You're setting the foundation for their life.

That's an incredible amount for such a young child. I'm guessing around 3-4hr per day from what you've said?

I think you're giving yourself a hard time for a reason, you know in your gut and brain that it's not okay for her and it's the easy option. I totally get it when you're stuck like someone's sick and you can't go out, but it sounds like it's become a routine, daily habit.

We didn't start with screens until the age your kid is now, but even then it was 30-60m day tops. It sounds like the times you can cut back on are early morning and midday, evening is okay and sounds like she watches it with her sister rather than it just being used to keep her occupied.

Early morning, it's dark and cold, get the lights on, put some fairy lights up, hide the remote so it isn't an option. Let her help you with different bits, even if it's basic like putting things in the washing machine. Let her help you make breakfast for when everyone else is up. Or enjoy that really lovely quiet alone time together to snuggle up and read books, or look out of the window and chat, or any kind of simple activity together. Mine was a huge fan of bowling in the kitchen with those little plastic animal bowling pins and a ball, playing with his toy cars on a car mat, and reading endless books. You'll soon find if you simply don't make it an option you'll settle into a new routine. It's absolutely okay for her to entertain herself with her toys for a bit while you make a cuppa!

Then keep midday to 30m max, and you'll have massively cut down.

The WHO recommend up to an hour of high quality TV watched with an adult, while you're interacting together, at this age. Listen to your gut. It's harder work absolutely but I think you'll look back when she's older and really regret having set her up with so much screen time from being tiny. It's really not good for them.

I doubt the TV will do her much harm long term so YANBU in that sense, but at 2.5 it’s probably time to think about putting her in nursery a few days a week even if you’re not working if affordable?

I don’t think TV is inherently bad, but I do think it becomes an issue when you use TV to fill time, which seems to be the case here.

For a start, 6am seems a completely normal time to get up. Was up at that time pre kids and post kids and never thought to put the TV on. Surely your other DC can’t wake up much after 6am anyway?

We did have TV after school but it was scheduled - 5pm for roughly 45 minutes while I cooked tea. They knew it was a hard no any other time around that.

The nap drop is hard - both of mine did not get the memo about replacing the nap with ‘quiet time’ and both of them were still too physical to sit and play with toys for long as toddlers. So we played physical games in the house (dancing to music etc) or we went out, often for a second time, for any reason I could find for a walk, come rain or shine.

If you want to make a change, i would stop using any on demand stuff- just do normal live tv from the channel option on iPlayer and keep films for Friday nights as a special thing with popcorn.

and no tv until after breakfast. If she’s up 6am, baby proof the room and leave toys out.

mine literally just watched grace’s amazing machines and then dragged the magna tiles out to make a shipping container crane. It can be inspiring and lovely, even in large doses.

I think TV is great and as someone who does the daily childcare with the kids, a salvation! But sticking films on at 6am in the morning to keep them quiet does build bad habits.

Personally I think you really need to cut back, but I get that it's hard. I would start by ditching the tv during meal times, as that's not setting her up for good habits. If your issue is getting her to sit and eat, could you try reading her a story or listening to an audio book as a transition? Or make it fun by having a carpet or den picnic to mix things up.

In the morning can you get her to help you with jobs like loading and unloading the washing machine and dishwasher, sorting the laundry, pre-preparing dinner etc? Do some cleaning and give her a little warer spray and a cloth and get her to wipe down the cupboards or the skirting boards. I get that you're tired and it seems impossible, but if you used that time to get some stuff done might it free up some time later on for you so that you can get more downtime in the evening or go to bed earlier.

Personally I would be aiming to only have the after school tv at the most, but I think you ahould take it slowly so it feels more manageable.

An aquaintance of mine who has serious depression bought a giant tv as soon as her kids were born and sat them in front of it all day everyday. Every single time I went round there those kids were glued to the tv.
I was convinced the pair of them would end up not being able to read, write or get a job but as teenagers they are actually quite bright and do very well at school including the older one who is autistic and has some learning disabilities.
I have to say I am very surprised about that.

We used to put the TV on in the morning, DD1 went through a period of waking before 6 and try as I might, I am not a morning person. I won't be playing. So Cbeebies went on.

With DD1 the TV was on most of the day TBH, I needed the noise and preferred it to the radio. She pretty much ignored it once my initial morning slump had passed.

My only concern is whether it affected behaviour. So is she whining for the TV or throwing tantrums if it's not on, or gets turned off? Is she capable of concentrating on something at an age appropriate level.

The problem is less of the screens but the replacement of screens instead of interaction.

I am aghast that you think what sounds like six hours or more a day of screen time is something you shouldn’t be giving yourself a hard time over 😳

I wasn't happy with how much TV my son was watching, and he still has a little, but we spent two weeks breaking to bad habits.

No TV first thing in the morning.
No TV after 4pm.

Start with putting TV back til lunchtime, and keeping it short.

Now he watches very little and plays a lot more. He doesn't ask for it, and doesn't complain when it's switched off.

Well you know it’s too much screen time but you don't really want to do anything about it. This is the easiest age to manage screen time. It will only get harder. You don’t get these early developmental years back so personally I wouldn’t brush it off as something that can’t be helped.

i am very relaxed on static screens with my 3ish year old and we definitely have CBeebies on for about 4 hours a day amidst construction toys, chores in the house, an activity outside, crafts, a club. She is also at nursery for 3 days a week.

We only watch live ceebeebies and there is no on demand tv or kids YouTube. It’s broadly educational and if she doesn’t like what’s on, she’ll just go and do something else

What is she watching? If it’s the awful pinkfong stuff on Amazon and YouTube dross for so long a day, I would cut that out.

I remember what it’s like to have toddler who won’t ‘do’ traditional activities without flitting from one thing to the other- but you just need to lower your standards for mess and going between toys. Her attention span will get better. But to do that she needs to learn to be bored, or she won’t learn how to play.

Every child, in every family has different needs and in my opinion, you do what you've got to do sometimes.

It sounds like you're getting out and about, she's mixing with different people and doing different activities which is great. She's only little, waking early and has dropped her nap, possibly before she was ready to, in those circumstances, having the TV on after a busy morning is not the end of the world and it's not going to be forever.

My DD has never needed much sleep, I tried and tried to get her into a bedtime routine deemed suitable for her age but it just meant she woke even earlier, so she used to have videos on in the evening up until about 8pm, then a cuddle and story before sleep at about 9pm, she would be awake by 5am at the absolute latest and so the TV went on some mornings to.

It wasn't ideal but it was a question of finding a middle ground that worked for us both as a working single parent.

It was just a stage, time passed, different needs came and went and at 23, she doesn't even have a TV!

Be kind to yourself and enjoy your time with your little one, have a snuggle on the sofa watching TV together.

This is/was my approach.

I never cared for the rigid ridiculously early bed times either or dashing home from anywhere for sacred nap time 🤣

I think one session of TV is okay for a break at this age. I used to limit it that way unless I was having an exceptionally bad day and needed a bit more space.

I don't think it's great to put it on first thing. She needs to be with you in the kitchen or with everyone else getting up. She doesn't need to be given an activity as such at that time. That should be the easiest win.

Lunchtime is when I used to have a break and put the TV on for a bit as downtime, then we'd go out again, but perhaps if it's going on for everyone at 4pm then you need to find activities for lunchtime. Definitely not on during meals. Reading, audio, podcasts and crafts are all options if playing is hard going.

It sounds like you're a SAHM mum by the way, is that what you want? I couldn't have done it myself because I find playing mind numbing and needed the change and challenge that work gave me. Is it something you'd consider? Or what about a couple of nursery sessions a week if you need a break?

You have answered your own question.
Your toddler watches too much TV.

Yes you should give yourself a hard time about this.

here is an idea: put music on instead of the tv and leave a choice of two toys out - different ones each morning. If I leave a toy out it’s played with. Could be duplo or some cars or teddies on a blanket with a toy teaset.