To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

Unplug the TV during the day and if she tries to turn it on, it won't work. So no TV!

Then do something else. She's two. She'll be happy putting blocks into Tupperware

How is she doing generally?

I think if she's talking, walking, happy in herself, sociable and well behaved, your attitude to screen time can be a bit more relaxed than if she's developmentally delayed and showing signs of emotional dysregulation.

Personally, I'd switch it off during meal times, and maybe try some other activities in the afternoon

At that age, I'd just set up a few stations around the room- put some colouring out on a table, bit of Duplo on the floor, PlayDoh on the tuff tray, that sort of thing. Maybe I'd put some songs on the TV (she loved Super Simple Songs) and she'd occasionally look at it but generally she'd just rotate around the room doing different things.

4pm when she's tired is a perfect time to read a few stories with her.

I agree that first of all stop screens during meals. Let her have a planned session of it while you make lunch ir after so you get a break. But sit together for lunch.

I also think kids need exercise after school..could you start some walks in the evening ..mine used to like a little walk about in th4 dark looking at Christmas decorations on people's houses

It is too much. But I say that with compassion as ive been there myself
Why not work on reducing some of it slowly.

She will.get better at playing if she understands the routine that eg tv is for after school.

With my son he also was never keen on indoor play so I took him out a lot more often.. always twice in a day with some rest at home middle of the day

Lets be honest that is several.hours a day and it isn't good for ability to play or self regulate

I'd say "during lunch" would be my main concern. She needs to learn to listen to her body and concentrate on eating, it's proven that watching TV whilst eating is bad for adults and kids.

I think the thing that stood out to me is that she’s watching TV during lunch as well as after. As well as this being a lot of TV overall that’s a pretty bad precedent at that age.

I would suggest

• have 1 or max 2 TVs in the house and not in the kitchen;
• when the TV does go on it’s CBeebies unless it’s a film night;
• Think of other quiet activities during nap time, if you have to use TV first thing and last thing then do but don’t put it on during the day;
• Can you take her for a walk after lunch- would she nap in the pushchair/ pram? Mine were much more inclined to nap on the move than at home in a cot when a bit older;
• Get your toddler doing stuff with you. I hated playing at that age but what we did well was do jobs together like cooking (and by that I mean cooking dinner not cakes etc), going to the shops, house stuff like sorting washing, changing beds etc. Or if I was tidying I would bring something with me and she’d play where I was. I think not everything has to be playtime, we quite often did adult jobs together.
• Have a think about some more self directed toys like duplo, jenga, magnatiles, puzzles, hot wheels etc for Christmas. Stuff she doesn’t need you to help with all the time. Does she have a play kitchen with some interesting stuff (light up kettle and toaster)?

Honestly it sounds like she's bored and you're using TV to placate her which isn't ideal. Why doesn't she go to nursery, just a few mornings, even if you're not working. Wouldn't cost much, with the funded hours. Then they do the entertaining for you. I don't feel bad about a bit of TV when mine has had 3 days of activities and outdoor time at nursery.

I would just never stick the tv on for a toddler by herself. Fair enough if she’s watching with older siblings. As well as the general issues around screen time at this age, you do risk creating incentives (ie they learn to get up early so they get tv). I feel your pain as I had one who got up at 5am until she was 6 years old. It’s dreadful. But I really really think if you can avoid the screens as a habit you should. It pays off in many ways. Obviously make an exception when you’re ill or whatever but it’s better if it’s not something they expect as routine.

All the above applies if you’re coping generally. If you really need the break so that you can cope then obviously take it. TV is better than mum shouting :)

I totally respect the opinion of parents who say it's fine, that's their judgment to make. But I think realistically, few parents are going to say 'you know, we had loads of TV when my 21yr old was a toddler and beyond, I really regret it. They had poor literacy, a short attention span, behavioural issues. I really wish we'd been screen free'. Not many parents are humble enough to reflect and be open about that sort of thing. It's much easier to claim that you did everything right and it turned out well, you know?

And I think the parents of younger children probably feel more passionately about it as they're living the toddler life right now, day to day, and can easily imagine what it would be like for their toddler to be watching 3-4hr of TV per day, what they'd be missing out on. Just my take anyway.

But why did you post if it isn't something you feel comfortable discussing?

You clearly know in your heart that it isn't great or you wouldn't be so disconcerted about it you'd get to the stage of posting a long thread on Mumsnet about it to solicit advice from people.

If you just wanted people to echo the stuff you've seen in other threads like 'no harm done, stick CBeebies on' then it would probably have been better to just go read those threads.

Parenting is hard and nobody likes hearing that they're not doing the best they can in a certain area, but if it's hard to hear, why put yourself out there to invite that kind of feedback?

Strangers aren't going to pat you on the back and say 'do whatever works for you, it's all fine', unfortunately. Maybe speaking to peers IRL would be better for you.

Re it being fine if you're balancing a baby and toddler, that's because babies are all-consuming and sometimes just to survive some parents feel the TV is necessary, until the baby is a bit older and things get a bit more balanced. But unless I've misread, your toddler IS the baby here, and you have an older child. So it's a bit different. You're not up with toddler plus newborn at 6am. You're up just with your toddler while your older child sleeps.

OK....so this behaviour is only at the weekend? Because you talk about morning activities, lunch, afternoon etc, which suggests you are home with your toddler?

If you were working, toddler would be at nursery or a caregiver. So which is it?

I wonder if the on demand/ streaming thing changes it a bit. When I was a kid, I watched quite a lot of TV but it was only on at certain times and some shows I didn’t like so I’d go and do something else. Whereas now, my kid could sit and watch back to back episodes of her favourite show all day. I don’t let her but it does feel a bit different and if we watch live CBeebies it’s easier to stop without drama because she loses interest in certain shows anyway.

interesting split between the parents of adult DC who say its fine and the parents of young DC who say its not.

I am in the former category and say its fine!

@wetwinter The thing is, it's become her routine now but kids are so adaptable so you can simply change it.

Pick one of the usual times (early morning or lunchtime) and instead of sticking on the tv, put out some independent play toys and books. The afternoon watching is when her sister is there so it's probably more background noise than her actually sitting and watching it so less concerning?

Is it worth looking into some baby dance classes or something for at least a couple of afternoons so she's away from the screen? Gymnastics or the likes.

Sounds fine to me. 6am is far too early for a dance party lol

Too much, start by no television at mealtimes.

It's fine my children watched loads of TV when they were little. It really makes very little difference. They're all in their twenties now and all have at least an undergraduate degree. There's no correlation between intelligence / academic achievement and watching TV as a child as far as I can see.

It’s hard once you’ve made it a habit - we have struggled with loads more tv time since having our second baby and being just absolutely knackered all the time. But I’m finding a few alternatives now the baby is a few months old.

I have started trying to set up activities more for her to do, rather than trying to just get her to choose what to play with. Stickle bricks, magnet tiles, kinetic sand and just rice with a variety of scoops/ brushes/ toy digger/ train etc have been big hits and engaged her for a pretty long time. Baker Ross also do some great craft kits which my almost 3 year old loves and they’re a very reasonable price. They are things like foam snowmen you stick the clothes and faces on.

Ive also realised (took me long enough!) that you don’t actually have to entertain them the whole time - they like joining in with what you’re doing even if it’s dead boring. So I’ll give her a duster or let her help make breakfast (even if it’s just pouring cereal in a bowl) etc. If she’s not interested she goes to find something else to do. Don’t get me wrong we’re still having a fair amount of TV time especially on hard days where I’ve had no sleep or the baby is very fussy but we’re reducing it gradually.

Sorry I think it's too much. I feel your pain on the 6am starts but for me that's a slippery slope as you've used up your TV card too early in the day, making any other activity less exciting and more difficult to transition to. I didn't do mornings either so I would set up a toy the evening before (trainset out, pick a jigsaw, put out some soft toys for a teddy bears picnic etc). It meant in the morning I didn't have to think but could direct to that activity. Or I would offer to read while I drank my coffee. If he wandered off that was fine but the choice was to play independently til the coffee was gone! We used to have a fun pod in the kitchen - they are contained and up at worktop height so they can 'help' with meal prep by mixing up dried pasta / frozen peas or just playing with their own kitchen toys. It was a bit of a game changer for me, although might not work if you have a climber.

I also have a two year old and I would say that's much too much. Does it stay on while you're getting everyone dressed and during breakfast? I think at a minimum it should be off during meal times, including lunch.