To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

I think it was a different world. When I was a kid there was only 4 channels and what was on telly was boring. Our telly was always on but we wouldnt have been watching it. We were entertained just in a different way. My mum would put out pans and we'd bash them with wooden spoons. We'd do baking or cooking. Wed also help my mum do the jobs. We were involved in cleaning, folding, dusting even as young as 2. We also play independently. I'd play for hours with dolls. There's so much mind grabbing, zoning out shit for kids to watch or play now.

Dont beat yourself upbabout it. You cant change whats happened already. But, It is way to much telly. I was trapped inside with my 2 during covid. I had to get creative.

I did messy play. I hate messy play but the kids loved it. I would do rice crispies and little digger toys. Whetabix and farm animals. Edible mud and farm animals. Loads of different utensils to scoop up food and put it in a bowl. Ice cubes with toys trapped insde. Food colouring and spaghetti. I would reuse the cereal. If you put down a plastic sheet it's easy to clean up.

Would do non messy stuff as well. Magic water books., puffy reusable stickers, paint in a zip lock bag and tape to the floor to swish around. Paper in a deep tray dip the ball in paint and tip the tray so it rolls around. Pain on car wheels and whizz them on paper.

I'd go out in all weather's. Kids don't care that it's cold or wet. They just need appropriate clothing.

I'd save the 6 hour TV days for sickness or ehen you literally can't move.

I would strongly disagree with that.

The idea that children need hours and hours attention and stimulation is a very modern way of thinking. Even when I was a child (30+ years ago) parents weren't expected to provide a constant stream of entertainment and activities.

Six hours of TV (on a bad day) split up into small chunks is FINE, especially when OP is out everyday, takes her DD swimming and to playgroup, takes her on school runs etc.

Since when were children expected to be provided with so much stuff?

What do you mean by developmental issues here? The research is clear that using screens as a babysitter for significant chunks of time has a negative impact on academic and social outcomes. That doesn’t mean all those children go to school unable to talk properly (though some do) or similar shocking examples, it means that overall children who get too little stimulation reach their milestones a little bit later, do a little bit less well academically, are a bit less happy socially, etc.

Bringing up kids is hard, especially in modern families where it’s often fairly isolating. Lots of parents resort to TV. But just because lots of parents do it doesn’t mean it’s a good way to go.

Give your children the attention you can and if you aren’t able to for big chunks of time, make sure someone else is.

Honestly all three of mine watched CBeebies for hours on end sometimes to give me a break and all three of them have gone on to do degrees (Business, Psychology and English Lit/History) I wish I could go back and give myself a good talking to. Be kind to yourself TV is not bad !

I think the NHS does.

Honestly, my reaction to that is "Oh well...anyway".

Because these organisations rarely live in reality.

6 hours of tv every day for a 2 year old is way in excess of the recommended amount of less than one hour - as advised by the NHS to the World Health Organisation.

And yet loads of children are raised watching way more TV than the OP describes and they don't have any developmental issues whatsoever - so I really don't think she has anything to worry about.

Six hours of TV spread across 14 waking hours is not the massive problem MN is making it out to be.

HRTWH but have read OP
I think you're doing a grand job that seems to work for you all. I used the TV as downtime every day for both of mine and when babysitting GC - they've turned out articulate and responsive, they concentrated well at school and got good careers. Give yourself a break now it's dark and miserable outside, once the weather's better you can rethink the days. 👏💐

I am new to this and I have no idea why anyone would ask the sanctimonious superior, uncharitable, unsympathetic and downright nasty contributors to this forum for advice. Quite frankly it would make you suicidal. OP IGNORE at this time of year most children are watching this amount of TV but still playing doing, activities and are happy healthy and well adjusted and will grow to be happy health and well adjusted adults. The mothers on here do not reflect society generally and a lot of the answers are an exercise in bragging about what great mothers they are compared to everyone else.

I don’t want to join in the pile on, but I do think you could definitely reduce the TV time significantly, maybe only having it after school.

Could you involve her more in things around the house, Montessori style? At that age my DD loved helping me chop fruit and veg with a child-friendly knife, & she would help me do chores around the house, eg I would give her a cloth and some warm water and she loved “washing the windows” or mopping the floor or cleaning the table etc. First thing in the morning you could bake muffins for breakfast or get her to help you hang laundry while listening to some music. At that age we also read a ton of books and poems, and I would get toys to act out the stories we’d been reading. We did a lot of playing with animals!

I would always have a pile of books at the table too, so I could read to her at mealtimes.

For “quiet time” activities:

• a daytime bath with plastic animals or bath crayons (or “washing” toys in a warm pan of soapy water)
• playdough play (you can pick up pinecones and conkers and give them eyes etc) and nice music on in the background
• cozying up on the sofa with a pile of books and blankets, maybe switching on some fairy lights
• making little puppet stories with some simple toys and props
• making obstacle courses with sofa cushions and pillows to climb over

I’m sure you can think of lots more! Good luck.

I’m not ignoring that bit, I’m focusing on the bit that OP is worried about (“I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development.”) - and she should be.

There is nothing wrong with nursery. Good ones are not a poor substitute for a SAHM. What children need is high quality responsive care, and OP is not giving that to her toddler for significant time each day. She will enjoy her DD more and her DD will do better if OP accepts that she isn’t giving her DD what she needs and changes things up.

Hello, I came to say we are in the same boat. My daughter is 2 and she watches too much TV as well. I often put TV on for her if she wakes up really early so I can sleep in for an hour, oopsie. I try to then not have TV until after her nap but if I'm honest sometimes I'm feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and we have a TV morning as well, and then we watch it in the afternoon as well.

I think something missing in this debate is that most people send their kids off to nursery all day, only needing to fill an hour in the evenings which is easy. When you're home with them all the time it's a lot of time to fill and as you say they don't stick on one activity for very long. The reality is by having her home with you she's already by default getting more one-on-one interaction than a toddler at nursery.

Some things that help me are trying to space it out during the day with small activities. So, TV for twenty mins, then colouring for twenty mins. I try to keep art and craft activities close to hand so I can easily switch them in and out. I also take her upstairs and let her run around playing with her toys and reading her books for a change of scene while I have a sit down - this usually lasts half an hour. I do a toy rotation which sort of helps but tbh she still is bored of all her toys and I can't have a constant supply.

The only days we have low TV time are when we're out all day, which at the moment is hard with the weather. One thing I am strict about is we only watch low stimulation TV like Peppa Pig or Hey Duggee. There's only so much of that they will actually watch before getting bored and wandering off. I have also started setting her up with some water and bubbles in the sink while I'm cooking and getting her to help with laundry and unloading the dishwasher.

Stick in there and don't feel too bad. I think sending your toddler to nursery for 10 hours a day is more damaging than TV. My daughter is 2 and talking in full sentences and is completely behaviourally balanced so it can't be that bad. Just stay away from Cocomelon and iPads.

It depends what she's watching. I grew up on the likes of Postman Pat and Come Outside, and it never did me any harm. Soothing telly that made my baby brain think about how the world around me worked.

These days, most kids tv isn't like that. It's frenetic CGI slop that bombards them with bright colours and constant noise to keep them distracted. It's shredding their attention spans and I would absolutely worry if my kid was spending hours a day in front of it. It's as bad as too much sugar. Their nervous systems end up completely fried

My two both watched too much TV and had no internet restrictions (didn’t have a tablet or phone under 10 though). They are adults now, both very high achievers, top grades, 1st class degree, in graduate jobs in the city. It had little impact.

I think comparing today’s reality to parenting previous generations isn’t as straightforward as some posters suggest. The only screen time kids could access before was TV, which is definitely much better than other types of screens. But that was the go-to for the tired/time-poor parent, that was as “bad” as it got. Now it’s endless with tablets and phones and social media, and the age at which kids access those continues to drop. Why - because it’s easier for parents. And I think if your philosophy as a parent is “I don’t want to judge myself for letting my toddler watch 3hs of TV daily / during mealtimes etc”, that’s exactly what’s leading to pre-schoolers getting their own tablets, 7 year olds on Tik Tok etc etc. We’ve already seen what THAT does to developing minds and how screwed up mental health is with kids/teens/young adults today. It’s a slippery slope.

This is why I think kids going to school is a great thing. Mine went to school 5 days a week 8-1pm from age 2 even though I was a sahm. They had a great structure and routine, socialised with kids their age, learnt SO much that I could never do at home and most of all they were stimulated so well. None of this farting around with mum doing random things.

Our afternoons were spent being out, picking up older dc from school and then home for some playtime and very little screen time. In the entire day, I was very happy for them to have the little amount while I had a cup of tea because they did all the right things before that.

Honestly just get your child into a school for even part of the day. It’s very, very hard to fill up a day with a toddler.

You know how your child is doing.

DD is 5, as mentioned further up. Her teacher told us at parents evening that she is the most enthusiastic learner in the class and takes on every challenge with gusto.

I'm regularly getting told that she's so well-behaved, so polite, so bright- and sometimes the person saying it adds something about how it's so nice to see a child who hasn't been spoilt by screentime.

What they don't know is that due to our schedules and a range of other factors, she watches an absolute ton of TV. We do have some rules around what TV she's allowed to watch and when (no TV at mealtimes or on playdates for example) but it's a lot. I won't guess at how much lest I bring on the wrath of the judgy Mums. Studies show that statistically speaking, kids don't learn a lot from TV, but all kids are different we have seen direct results of her watching a TV programme, picking up words, and using them. She especially likes shows with music- her favourite right now is Beat Bugs and she's started listening to the Beatles a lot as a result- and she also likes to memorise the lyrics and then will write them down, albeit with iffy spelling.

If my kid is binge watching a series about insects singing Beatles songs and then sitting down to write out the lyrics to A Day in the Life, I'm not worried about her.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

So many judgy parents. I wonder if all the perfect parents have tweens and teens who are glued to their phones.
When mine were little the tv was practically never off and we didn't go out every day, although we did have a garden.
Now they are three adults in their 30s. Two watch tv if it's something they are interested in so definitely no mindless reality tv and one doesn't have a tv. They all read for pleasure and have various hobbies so it doesn't seem to have stunted their growth in any way.

@CheeseIsMyIdol

lol

lol

I am the biggest advocate of it !!

What harm will some time each day do

Come off it ?!!

Also OP

Sounds like you have loads of wonderful activities mixed in too 😀

2-3 is definitely the toughest age for occupying downtime! I don't think there's much issue with TV time itself (as you say it's seasonal and she does plenty of other activities), but if you're not comfortable with it then worth exploring options. Can you try to replace either the morning or the lunchtime one? (You'll know which works best for your family) Mine also resisted quiet time after dropping her nap (just shy of 2 😭) but she would listen to a soothing play list with me (meditation type music) and we'd cuddle on the sofa. It was the reset I needed at that point in the day as well. Usually only lasted 10-20 mins but I found after that she would potter happily with toys or we'd read stories. Good luck, it's hard when you're tired and unmotivated 🩷

My sons watched quite a bit of TV and videos, as did their peers - they are now successful 40-somethings, so no apparent harm done.

But back in the day things were different: only one TV in the house; it was the only screen time they had as no screen time at school, or personal tablets when in the buggy or car; and when waiting to eat in a restaurant they would be given crayons and a place mat to colour in to keep them occupied.

Now screens are the go-to from a very early age and from what I've read the evidence is clear that it's doing them no good and is addictive.