To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

A 2-year-old should really have no more than an hour of screen time per day. Even that much is a lot TBH.

The actual research does not suggest that more than an hour a day of high quality TV is positive for toddlers.

Maybe read the actual research and note all the caveats.

There is an enormous difference between quality TV programming for children and dreck that is designed to attract children to the merchandise the developers are flogging.

I left the TV on pretty much all the time. The DCs watched very wholesome fare on PBS (in the US) - Sesame Street, Mr Roger's Neighborhood, etc.

It did them no harm whatsoever. The only things that matter when it comes to screens is whether it's actually a TV they're watching or a hand held screen, and the content they're watching. You need to be very choosy about what your DCs are watching. Slow TV has a lot to offer. Fast paced, adversarial programming does not (Paw Patrol, etc).

OP is asking if she is being unreasonable to ignore the feeling that she’s not doing the best for her DD. And the reality is that if she can change things so her DD is engaged in activity for most of those hours she’s currently just watching TV, her DD will be better off than if she doesn’t. Maybe OP can’t do anything about it, some people are in very difficult circumstances and have no flexibility, in which case she’s not being unreasonable. But if she has options, she shouldn’t ignore that feeling - it’s telling her something important.

Also - my mum also went through cancer treatment in her 30s (I was older, but not by much) and my dad was at work a lot and I remember watching a lot of Disney videos with her. We also read a lot, but there was a lot of TV - which she reminded me of when I was beating myself up about the amount of TV DD was watching when I was ill. I got a 1st class degree in Law, have always read for pleasure, have always exercised in one way or another and have a decent career so I really don’t think that “screens” are the issue per se; I think it’s the internet, the quality of what children are watching, algorithms and the rest of the parenting when the screens aren’t on that impacts the child.

I sympathise with the crappy weather OP. I’m in Scotland and we have rain rain and more rain on the menu every day. I’m also relaxed about tv- but it sounds like way too much for me.

I know that age is tricky for enjoying crafts, and you’ll know that does get easier, but there are other things that could hold her attention more at this age. Play doh and kinetic sand are great especially with a variety of different rollers and cutters.

We get out in any weather because at this time of year if we didn’t wrap up and get out in a bit of rain, we’d never see the light of day. But yes, there’s definitely more time spent at home than in the spring and summer. At that age the most bang for my buck in terms of indoor activities were play doh, kinetic sand, den building, wooden train tracks, and extra baths. There are lots of fun, skin-safe bath foams and jellies to make more fun out of bath time. Tomy do great bath toys like the bath barista, but flinging some odds and ends from the kitchen in with them is also entertainment enough.

I’d cut down on the telly.

@wetwinter my toddler watched more TV than I would like when I was having chemo. She is 3.5 now and some days doesn’t watch any at all. She is bright, loves books and crafts, is interested in writing the letters in her name (everywhere 🫠) and plays lovely imaginary games by herself. We live in a rural area and have dogs so have always gone outside 😂 but there was a period of our lives where there was a LOT of telly. I don’t see any evidence that the screens “damaged” her at all and I sometimes think that those who judge too harshly aren’t fully appreciating their privilege.

Maybe trust that most parents are doing their best and don’t need to be constantly kicked - and also recognise that there are many thriving, successful adults alive who watched plenty of TV and played plenty of video games without combusting or developing some kind of behavioural disorder.

@snoopythebeagle
So what should we do ? Ignore all the years of research into the harm of screen use for toddlers?

Ignore the posters who clearly have nothing better to do than to come and kick you when you’re down.

Yes, because that’s exactly the same 🙄

I think it's fine. It's what, a couple of hours? Three? You have two children and limited time to get everything done while at home. Do what you need to do. You're obviously not neglecting her and using it to babysit while you do nothing at all with her.

You're doing fine.

@snoopythebeagle
I know - it’s a bit mad isn’t it. We should all still be smoking around children and not bothering about car seats and putting rice in bottles to them sleep longer. And let’s go back to corporal punishment while we are at it.

It's because of that use of TV to babysit kids 30+ years ago that we now know that lots of it is bad for kids. The research is clear.

But it's not as though every child was brilliantly looked after before TV came along. If OP were sticking her toddler in a play pen with little interaction for hours on end that would also be poor for them.

How on earth did we cope in the days before all this official guidance and pages of made up rules?

The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends
no screen time for children under 2 years old, except for video calls, and less than one hour daily for ages 2-4, emphasizing play, physical activity, and human interaction for healthy development, as screens can hinder learning and development by being too fast-paced and replacing real-world engagement, though the UK has different guidelines. So yes you are letting her watch far too much and this is why you feel guilty.

I’ve got a 3 year old DD. Around 2, I was part-time and she was at childcare 4 days a week. No family support so no opportunities to drop with grandparents or other family. DD and I had every Friday together and it wasn’t long before I realised I also was using TV to fill in gaps between napping and going on a few outings.

I extended her daycare and went back to work full-time (DH is full-time too). Daycare helped a lot with skills and DD would come home doing things I would never have come up with on my own. It is also a great opportunity to be with kids her own age as we don’t have anyone remotely close to her age around her.

I will be judged for having my child in daycare though. I know though might DD is confident and smart thanks to daycare’s influence, and our weekends are very little screen time now.

Why don't you keep a record of how much DC is watching and properly time it? It sounds like more than 3 hours.

I've judged it. Not because I think I'm perfect, but because I'm right that having to deal with other people's (lazy parents') kids, tweens and teens is eye-opening. They can no longer focus, hold a conversation, think about other people, try hard enough, accept being told no...the list goes on. People who can't be arsed bringing their kids up well, and then foist them upon the rest of society, affect everyone.

But clearly @wetwinter toddler is.

We didn't have 6 hours a day of kids TV avaliable to us in the 70s and 80s. It wasn't a thing.

ETA: My kids loved button moon. Lol

Give yourself a break. I have teenagers now but remember the littlies years and we had periods of too much screen time or rubbish food if someone went through a fussy phase or bad sleep, it’s sometimes a case of whatever gets you through this little bit! You’re aware of it, just make sure it’s not forever.

There is, but they don't have to watch it. Kids TV can still be the same as it was when we were young.