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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for help with my shopping addiction.

57 replies

LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 11:35

I find this time of year incredibly difficult when it comes to reigning in my spending. I’ve always spent too much and now I have a daughter I’ve transferred the shopping I used to do for myself, on to things for her.

I keep browsing Amazon and other places online several times a day. I’ll forget what I’ve already bought sometimes. I keep seeing the next ‘perfect’ thing and buying it within seconds. I panic when deals happen around Black Friday etc and buy things quickly so I don’t miss discount codes or free delivery.

I keep telling myself that I’m done and then I keep buying more…

OP posts:
ChocolateCinderToffee · 04/12/2025 13:30

Find something you enjoy to fill the time instead. Blogging, knitting, the gym, long walks, reading?

Lavenderandbrown · 04/12/2025 13:28

Shopping is a rut. You buy something you see something else you think about it and then buy it whilst seeing something else you like. It’s designed to be this way….thats advertising.
I too enjoy shopping pretty clothes and a pretty home but pretty things are made every single day.
buy your self and little one a holiday outfit and wear it to all events. Buy her toys to open just a few and some nice food to eat. Go to one or two events and look around for free things to do.

work more. Not joking working more hours helps curb impulses because you are working and can focus on your job. If you like your job( most days) it can actually replace the dopamine hit of shopping. Success at work is its own dopamine hit.

Christmas is day altho we call it a season.

start today and just like the alcoholics ….take it one day at a time. It works if you work it

Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 13:19

MincePudding · 04/12/2025 13:03

You need to get out and tell yourself that your daughter is better off having you present and playing with her than shopping behind your screen.

Also reflect on your childhood. My mum had absolutely nothing growing up and she was obsessed woth buying things to show her love. My sibling amd I are now massively minimal as it was overwhelming.

What need are the purchases addressing? Do they make you feel like a provider?

Sorry I missed this message! You’re absolutely right. I don’t tend to shop too much around her as she’s at school now so I generally do it then or in the evenings but I could be more present. I’m very aware that in some ways I’m equating how much I love her with buying her things which is ridiculous and very much coming from me and not her. I know from so many examples with friends and family, that money isn’t the only way to show children love, and there are far more important things.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 13:11

Thank you @ManchesterGirl2 I think you’re absolutely right ❤️ I’ve got plenty of bad habits and borderline addictions and I’ve always just kind of laughed them off as part of my personality. I’ve always said oh I spend too much and I eat a bit too much as if it’s not a big deal but over time these habits have become really harmful to my finances and my physical and mental health so I do really need to address them and be accountable.

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 04/12/2025 13:09

Addictions are usually part habit and part an (ultimately unhelpful) attempt to manage difficult emotions. The next few times you have an urge to buy, pause for a bit and sit with that urge. Notice your emotions and note them down on paper. What feelings and beliefs underlie that urge to buy?

Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 13:04

Another great idea @Hairylegs202S thank you. I am really glad that it worked for you ☺️

OP posts:
MincePudding · 04/12/2025 13:03

You need to get out and tell yourself that your daughter is better off having you present and playing with her than shopping behind your screen.

Also reflect on your childhood. My mum had absolutely nothing growing up and she was obsessed woth buying things to show her love. My sibling amd I are now massively minimal as it was overwhelming.

What need are the purchases addressing? Do they make you feel like a provider?

Hairylegs202S · 04/12/2025 13:01

I suggest using cash only for non-essential purchases - you have to physically go to the shop, hand over cash and carry your purchases home. Give yourself a weekly budget and when the money is gone, it's gone.

I did this when money was tight a few years ago, it really worked for me, I used cash for all shopping, including groceries, and just couldn't overspend, as didn't have any money that wasn't in my purse.

Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 12:52

itsthetea · 04/12/2025 12:46

Find another better thing to give you a hit - exercise ( you tube videos) , weight training aiming to lift heavier

every time you resist - write it down - how much you have saved

get all the things you have bought unnecessarily out in a heap and photograph it as a reminder -

Great tips thank you. I definitely need to find something else that brings me dopamine and a bit of a rush- traditionally it hasn’t been exercise 😂 but maybe I need to give it another go!

Through all of my decluttering for the move I’ve definitely had a really blunt reminder of how wasteful I’ve been. Seeing bin bags filled with old clothes have made me feel so ashamed… from a financial point of view and an environmental one. Need to keep looking back at those photos when I feel the urge to buy again.

OP posts:
itsthetea · 04/12/2025 12:46

Find another better thing to give you a hit - exercise ( you tube videos) , weight training aiming to lift heavier

every time you resist - write it down - how much you have saved

get all the things you have bought unnecessarily out in a heap and photograph it as a reminder -

Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 12:33

Thanks @Staysexyanddontgetmurdered - I have actually deleted the Amazon app many times and then reinstalled it 🫣 but I will definitely try it again. Out of sight, out of mind. I think I just have quite an addictive personality unfortunately - shopping, food, screen time, coffee…

OP posts:
Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 04/12/2025 12:30

I would delete the app to cut out the 'impulsive' part of it. Can you stop using amazon altogether? Or do you have another device (such as a laptop you need to specifically log into) you can have it on? If you take it off your phone and block the app you won't be so tempted.

Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 12:03

hippospot · 04/12/2025 12:00

Save at the start of the month not the end.

Earmark some fun money (experiences) and a smaller amount for "stuff" each month. Use an app where you can have pots for certain things. Disclaimer I don't know about this myself!

Take photos of the experiences and frame or put in an album. They will be bigger memories than any object she'll remember when she grows up.

Thank you ☺️ great advice- we actually did make a summer scrapbook and it was lovely to see how interested she got in cutting out the photos and looking back on all the memories we made. They really are so happy with so little. She’s only four but now she’s at school I want to start slowly introducing the value and cost of things. Mostly because I really want her to have a better relationship with money than I do.

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 04/12/2025 12:03

WestwardHo1 · 04/12/2025 11:53

Just stop for god's sake. It'll escalate further. Ignore anyone who tells you you're a victim or an addict....just stop. Disable all that Klarna bollocks. Opt out

That works for some people, but others need different tactics, we are all different.
And it can be an addiction or a habit/soothing activity for some.
We are all different.

Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 12:00

KarmenPQZ · 04/12/2025 11:59

I’m not much if a spender but often find if there is something I want I add it to my basket and can leave it a day or two. By the time I come back to it the need has often passed. You have to just not get sucked in to that instant need / panic.

also try to get excited about savings. Maybe everytime you add something to your basket but don’t buy put that same amount aside in a savings pot. At the end of the month look at how much you would have spent but have actually saved. Lock it in a savings account at the end of each month and start again

This is a great idea, thank you! I like the idea of matching the individual cost of an item to my savings. I can see that being a really good incentive.

OP posts:
hippospot · 04/12/2025 12:00

Save at the start of the month not the end.

Earmark some fun money (experiences) and a smaller amount for "stuff" each month. Use an app where you can have pots for certain things. Disclaimer I don't know about this myself!

Take photos of the experiences and frame or put in an album. They will be bigger memories than any object she'll remember when she grows up.

KarmenPQZ · 04/12/2025 11:59

I’m not much if a spender but often find if there is something I want I add it to my basket and can leave it a day or two. By the time I come back to it the need has often passed. You have to just not get sucked in to that instant need / panic.

also try to get excited about savings. Maybe everytime you add something to your basket but don’t buy put that same amount aside in a savings pot. At the end of the month look at how much you would have spent but have actually saved. Lock it in a savings account at the end of each month and start again

Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 11:59

This makes a lot of sense @OvernightBloats and I can relate because so often the stuff I buy ends up in charity shops! It’s all lovely stuff but I buy it without thinking and it doesn’t suit me or if the wrong size. I did sell quite a bit on vinted this year which is good but I wasted the money that I earned really.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 11:57

Thank you @whenallthesconesaregone - sounds like you’ve found a way to control your impulses which is great. Well done.

OP posts:
OvernightBloats · 04/12/2025 11:56

LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 11:49

Thank you @OvernightBloats - this is really helpful advice. I will definitely try this. I think one of the reasons I struggle with this time of year is because nothing is really ‘essential’ but I also get caught up in the magic of presents, Christmas Eve boxes, new outfits, decorations… we’re actually moving house soon and through all the decluttering I’m finding that I’ve actually made life so much harder for us all by just having so much excess stuff.

Asking myself if I really need the stuff has stopped me from buying it many times! It's so tempting to get caught up with spending especially in the Christmas period.

Another thing I say to myself sometimes when I am tempted is, that it is nice but not THAT nice! Plus I have seen loads of that item in charity shops!

whenallthesconesaregone · 04/12/2025 11:56

I like to practise ‘need or want’ when shopping - that always gets rid of a few silly purchase ideas. Also, I will happily fill my online basket but not go to checkout. Then a few hours/days later, I revisit and think whether I need/want/like all the stuff again. Even after that, I’ll put all but 1or 2 items in ‘save for later’. My ‘save for later’ is stuffed with junk I didn’t buy & is a ridiculous list of rubbish. I am very poor though and any other approach would cause real harm

Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 11:55

Appreciate the tough love too, I probably need to hear it!

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingPoster · 04/12/2025 11:54

Thanks @Letsbe - I will definitely try this. I have been using monzo and looking at their different ‘savings pots’ and thinking if I could use those maybe it would make me more mindful of my spending.

I would just love to have some money left over at the end of the months, as there’s no reason why there shouldn’t be. Which I acknowledge is a huge privilege. But it would make me feel so much better if just a little was saved towards a big event or holiday and I didn’t just fritter it away.

OP posts:
WestwardHo1 · 04/12/2025 11:53

Just stop for god's sake. It'll escalate further. Ignore anyone who tells you you're a victim or an addict....just stop. Disable all that Klarna bollocks. Opt out

surreygirly · 04/12/2025 11:52

No one can help it is your choice