AIBU - 2 year old suddenly crying at nursery with male staff member

How about if you have a male sporting coach when they're older? Will you object then. The argument about them being able to speak up doesn't mean they will, at all.

And all these people talking about moving nursery if a man starts to work there, you must have much better options than in my area as the waitlists are years long.

Children are often more wary of men because they typically bigger and men interact with them a lot less than women do generally. Women on the bus and train smile and interact with them, men less so.

Really? Like what for example? How are you actually going to keep the babies safe with your suggested ‘safe guards’? What are they?

Do you work in education? Have you read the documentation, had safeguarding training, been checked for work, whilst at work, inspected, followed procedures?

Do you not have children who attend nursery or school?

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68add931969253904d155860/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_from_1_September_2025.pdf

What? Dial 999 and tell them my daughter cries when I drop her at nursery?

You cannot eliminate all risk. All organisations have at the end of the day is a safeguarding policy that has to be rigorous and reviewed. All nurseries have this. They are inspected regularly. Beyond this I’m not sure what else you think would be put in place?

btw demanding people ‘answer the question’ is rude.

Most abuse happens within families, particularly where there are step parents. Nappy changing can be done in pairs. There are high staff ratios for babies. Men are as capable of caring for babies as women, it should be normal to expect they can.

Really? Like what for example? How are you actually going to keep the babies safe with your suggested ‘safe guards’? What are they? Answer the question.

And are you seriously suggesting the risk is the same? That the statistics are wrong when they confirm 98% of all sexual offences are committed by men?

OP I would talk to the manager and say your DD is absolutely terrified and ask the open question about why they think that is. Then shut up and let them talk.

I would be moving nursery.

The same safeguards that apply to women?

Heaven forbid we might actually pay attention or look at the statistics for example.

Exactly. What is the motive? If they ‘love’ kids, then surely they would understand and support the view that children’s safety comes first. I don’t think we are doing anywhere near enough to keep babies safe.

Can it ever be worth the risk? Given that we know sexual abuse can destroy the lives of victims.

I am absolutely sick of the woke agenda prioritising men, even giving predators free access to babies and women’s spaces. The laws need to be tightened,

It is not like babies can campaign for themselves!! The onus is on us to use common sense.

You wouldn’t leave a fox in a chicken coup in order to preserve his rights, and treat him the same as other less savage animals.

It’s just madness. We have really lost our way as a society if we can’t even manage to see how some men are exploiting ‘women’s’ rights.

There are lots of reasons that children can suddenly become unsettled at a nursery they have previously loved. I would ask to speak with their key person, talk about your concerns regarding her changes in behaviour, what are they seeing there too and work on a solution together. Can they send pictures to reassure you she is happy during the session?
There are some incredible male practitioners, and some nasty female ones, please don't jump to conclusions.

Most men would run a mile rather than work in a nursery school. The fact that a very small number of men want access to tiny children is, in itself, a red flag. My instant assumption is that they're child abusers.

And I don't care, at all, if some of them are not. Decent men would understand completely why I make that assumption.

If men are to be given access to little children there must be cameras running in all areas, at all times, that parents can log in to to see their children live on camera.

In fact, it should be a requirement for all childcare when children are pre speech, or unable to tell their parents clearly something is wrong.

I think there should be more male staff in early years.

Why? Genuinely, why?

What benefit do babies and toddlers get from being cared for by males at a point in their lives in which, in primitive tribal situations and throughout our history as a species, females have been the primary carers?

From the research I've seen, the primary 'benefits' seem to be that that men usually 'more often' engage in rough and tumble play, and that babies and toddlers see men in caring roles (the benefit of which is touted broadly, and yet I have found no studies actually demonstrating it has a positive, lasting effect on children.)

Those vague and minor possible benefits don't seem worth the massively increased risk of child rape and sexual abuse...but maybe that's just me being hysterical and bigoted towards the poor men.

What ‘safe guards’ do you suggest that will keep babies safe from male sex offenders with full access in a nursery setting?

I think there should be more male staff in early years. But obviously safeguarding measures need to be adhered to

Dont forget the ex head teacher of the year put away for raping and killing the baby boy he was in the process of adopting. Wish i was making that up.

Dont you think there needs to be something in here adjusting for the fact that the creeps might seek out work that puts them in contact with children? Purely from what i see in the press etc there seems to be 2 types - got caught grooming a 13yo decoy promising them mcdonalds at leeds train station and scout leaders, teachers etc.

It’s pretty staggering to read that women would put the safety of tiny voiceless babies and toddlers firmly BEHIND women’s rights and equality? And call it ‘regressive’ to consider ways to protect the most vulnerable in our society?

It beggars belief actually.
It is deeply shocking.

No, actually our rights do not come before the safety of babies. Our rights should never be weaponised against us by predators and peadophiles looking to abuse our own children?! We are literally paying for our children to be abused in these places. What the actual hell.

It is just like the trans movement part two. Bloody wake up! Some of these men are openly RAPING our babies of course we need to consider whether it is even safe for them to be there at all. Why wouldn’t we as a society decide that the risk is too great. We have all female teams working in the breast clinics and doing smear tests etc.

I have to hope that these posts are from males on this thread with dubious motives, and hope to dear God they are not the ‘cool’ mothers with real children. How sickening to suggest women’s rights come before all else. No, they really, really don’t - but good try.

I’m not sure about the strong ‘I wouldn’t leave my child with a male’ however, your gut instinct should never be ignored.

There have been two stories in the past month in the news about male nursery staff turning out to have abused the children.

Hell will freeze over before I put my child in a nursery that has male staff. I’d remove her.

Obviously, you're being very unreasonable to hand a terrified screaming tiny child over to a man you don't know. Stop doing that.

I think its best to talk to the head teacher, and get to the bottom of the matter. Something is definately off.

Except statistically speaking, women are as good as men - or even better than men - at most jobs that were once male-dominated (for example, female surgeons have a better survival rate), so there's no reason to bar them from those jobs.

But statistically speaking, men are more likely to sexually abuse children, and sexually abusive men use nurseries as hunting grounds with captive victims - a good reason to bar them from those jobs.

I feel quite strongly that we have to keep the recent news in proportion and not make regressive steps in society. Men are absolutely capable of having the nurturing instinct (that I personally as a woman lack!) and being good at childcare without nefarious intentions, and it would be horribly regressive for women if we allowed any societal backslide into mens jobs and womens jobs

Couldn't agree more.