Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - 2 year old suddenly crying at nursery with male staff member

238 replies

Francine84 · 04/12/2025 10:41

I might be being completely unreasonable here but I can’t get it out of my head. My 2 year old started nursery around 9 months ago and has always been very happy there. Always happy to go in and they told us that she’s happy all day, hardly ever cries.

In the last week she has become very clingy, waking up crying from naps and during the night calling for me. Really out of character for her but I put it down to separation anxiety.

She goes to nursery Wed-Fri and yesterday when I dropped her off the only male member of the nursery staff answered the door and my daughter burst into tears and was clinging to me. It was heartbreaking, I had to hand her over and she was hysterical. When I picked her up in the afternoon her key worker (female) said she was emotional all day, which again is so unlike her. She hasn’t cried at nursery drop off since she first started earlier this year. And even then once she had settled in she was happy all day.

This morning the same man answered the door again and the same thing happened - hysterical crying and holding on to me.

Given the recent news about a male nursery worker abusing the children in his care I can’t shake the thought that something is wrong. Why is my daughter suddenly so clingy and unhappy? I know that men work in nurseries but it seems like it’s only this particular member of staff that she has that reaction with.

AIBU to say something to nursery? What would I even say?

Or am I overreacting and this is normal for 2 year olds to have very clingy phases? I just want to protect her and it makes me feel so sad to think she’s not happy at nursery.

Advice would be much appreciated!

OP posts:
Checknotmymate · 04/12/2025 10:53

My dd had this with a female key worker. She was just a grumpy woman who got irritated by dd. We asked for a change. I would speak to the nursery about it. Share your concerns. Ask about safeguarding.

Original poster
Francine84 · 04/12/2025 10:50

Mushroo · 04/12/2025 10:46

I mean it could be something, but also my LO has always been absolutely fine going to nursery, and then around the age of 2 had a 2 week period where she was hysterical at drop off, really clingy.

Stopped as quickly as it started.

So I’d have a chat with nursery about helping her re-settle.

Is the male worker new? Could it be she’s just not as used to men?

That’s what I was hoping, that it’s just a temporary phase she’s going through.

And yes the member of staff is fairly new, she’s less familiar with him than any of the other staff. So could be a coincidence. It’s just shaken me a bit, the fact that he’s the only man there.

OP posts:
MrsMillyFluff · 04/12/2025 10:50

I would go with your gut instinct. I would be having a meeting with the nursery manager to get to the bottom of your daughters anxiety. If the concerns aren't taken seriously maybe change her nursery to an all female nursery? I wouldn't take the risk.

ShesTheAlbatross · 04/12/2025 10:50

I think it’s fairly likely that whoever had opened the door could have led to this reaction because she knows that the door opening means she’s going in and you are leaving.

That’s not to say I don’t think there’s an issue. Just that I wouldn’t focus entirely on him because that may let something else go undetected.

TigerRag · 04/12/2025 10:48

Is the member of staff new?

user946372 · 04/12/2025 10:47

I'd move nurseries, it's not worth the risk. Great advice above about doctor and police.

Newsenmum · 04/12/2025 10:47

I would feel the same.

Mushroo · 04/12/2025 10:46

I mean it could be something, but also my LO has always been absolutely fine going to nursery, and then around the age of 2 had a 2 week period where she was hysterical at drop off, really clingy.

Stopped as quickly as it started.

So I’d have a chat with nursery about helping her re-settle.

Is the male worker new? Could it be she’s just not as used to men?

AliceAbsolum · 04/12/2025 10:46

Listen to your gut.
I'd never send my child to a nursery with male workers.

toomuchfaff · 04/12/2025 10:45

You dont owe anyone anything, not to make sure they are comfortable, not to swallow your concerns, nothing.

Aside from your child, You owe them everthing as a young child, its your sole responsibility to be their advocate.

I might not go in there screaming the guys might be touching kids but its well within your remit to raise your concerns about your child's separation anxiety and their recent unhappiness with the manager and see what is suggested.

Cadenza12 · 04/12/2025 10:45

TBH I am struggling with the idea that you left your daughter there.

SaverMaeva · 04/12/2025 10:45

I don’t blame you OP, I’d feel the same and look for an all female nursery. I’ll probably get flamed for saying I’d want an all female one but it’s no different to saying I would prefer a female midwife. The latter you don’t get a choice of course but you’re paying for the nursery so you can chose what staff your prefer.

Cookiecrumblepie · 04/12/2025 10:43

I would get advice from your GP and the police. Don’t make accusations but just get advice from appropriate places.

Swipe left for the next trending thread