To be seriously concerned about sending DS to nursery given news today?

Our children attended a nursery where a worker was previously convicted of abuse and imprisoned. My rationale for enrolling them in the nursery was that I didn’t think it would ever happen again after all of the investigations and protocols put in place.

They thrived at that nursery. I never regretted my decision.

I honestly don’t know how that chap managed to do that; I work in a nursery, and ratios mean we are never on our own with children.

I think it must be extremely rare, but obviously that doesn’t help the children who are abused 😔.

She wouldn't be mobile enough to run a business anymore if I'd walked in on that.

Hi OP. I actually considered all of this when choosing childcare. I didn't go with a childminder for the reasons you outline. She might be fine, but husband? Son? Son's friends? Husband's friends? Her elderly dad comes round?

I chose a nursery because I thought 'lots of eyes on them'. One of my children had a male nursery worker, but not at the nappy stage, and I was very comfortable with him. Today, I am thinking back.... I truly hope nothing happened. I wouldn't send my child to a nursery with a male worker after this news.

I imagine with most abused babies and small children the abuse never comes to light.

What are you going to do when it comes to school if there’s a male teacher or TA? What about a doctor, dentist, nurse etc? What about male relatives? What about if your child joins Beavers, a drama club or whatever.

It baffles me the perception of these things people have, if you considered the number of nursery age children and the percentage this happens to it’s vanishingly small. That’s precisely why it’s news.

Very rare - there are over 20,000 nurseries in the UK.

I personally always thought nurseries were safer than child minders as there are always multiple staff around and when mine were little in theory when nappies were changed it was in a kind of room off the main room but not behind a shut door. Having said that a few months after my eldest started nursery a letter went to parents stating that a previous employee (male) had been found with indecent images of children on his computer. He didn’t work there when my child started and tbh it would have put me off the nursery. I really do think it’s odd when men want to look after babies and toddler all day for minimum
wage. That may not be a popular view but I wouldn’t let me very young children go to a setting with a male nursery nurse.

My eldest is 13. When the children were small I would work part time hours in the evenings once my husband was home. Nowadays I work full time hours. We have always worked around each other's shifts. We have no family here and this works for us and means we never have had to use childcare. I was always certain before I ever became pregnant that childcare would never be an option for me.

My children aren't in nursery.

But for all the mothers who are putting their children in nursery tomorrow you are doing nothing wrong. Just because another poster could live in a fantastic time when a minimum wage job could provide for a whole family, something which is totally unrealistic in 2025 doesn't mean that you should feel guilty for going to work.

I don't get why people think childminders would be safer. There's much less oversight at a childminder. I went to view one and she was suggesting having my young baby, two other babies, and her own 3 children and dog. With just one adult! That is crazy and worse than a nursery

How rare though? this is the 3rd man caught this year abusing children in nurseries

@NotrialNodeal Was this recently? I'd be very surprised if any family could manage now with only one mimium wage salary coming in and absolutely no benefits.

Oops, I didn't mean to post twice, sorry!

And the vast majority of them men. That's just the reality of it.

A series caveat to comments about risk perception: whilst cases we know about are very rare, abuse (sexual or otherwise) of very small children can't be all that difficult to do secretly. A baby or toddler might not be able to report what is happening to them and will not remember it when they grow older. This is very different from abuse in schools, abuse of older children by family members etc. There's a possibility that this sort of thing - in childminder settings as well as nurseries - happens far more frequently than any of us realise.

There are plenty of institutions which have been revealed as hotbeds of abuse in recent years/decades which for a very long time were regarded as entirely safe. Plenty of cases of sexual abuse being ignored or covered up. We can't say for sure that nurseries aren't in the same category.

Could you speak with the nursery management, explain your concerns, and ask to see their changing policy? If you dont feel it offers enough protection, you can 100% request that your child is only given 2:1 changes by female staff. Personal care is generally the only time in a setting where staff and children are 1:1, and even so, the door should either be ajar or unlocked, with other staff in earshot. Several ASN children require a 2:1 change for their own and staff safety, so the setting should have a ratio provision to allow for this.

To echo PP, the bad apples are so few that it is highly unlikely that nursery is going to be a negative experience for your DC, but you should absolutely do whatever you feel necessary to protect your family.

Such a terrible awful thing to happen and I completely see where you are coming from. Those poor families. Thankfully this type of thing is very very rare. Something has went terribly wrong in that specific nursery. You could ask them about their safeguarding arrangements etc to put your mind at rest. They will understand. I'm sure a lot of places are reviewing their procedures to make sure everyone can remain safe.

Lol yes my children weren't born today or this year. We didn't overstretch on our mortgage either before we had children as we didn't want to be in a position where we had to both work once we had kids just to pay the mortgage. So all deliberate, thought out decisions. Not luck. You are choosing not to believe it because it's easier to swallow and makes you feel better about sending your children to nursery tomorrow and the choices youve made. That's okay. I understand. You do tell yourself whatever you like, to get through each day. All the very best.

I just know that 99.9% of people in the care professions are normal. Same as the general public. The world runs because 99.9% are normal - otherwise we would not have survived - everything works based on the premise that people behave normally. Obviously, there are risks and more to the point - those in the nursery won't give much of a damn about the children in their care, in the sense, they won't be reading them stories non-stop, talking to them, playing developing games with them, teaching them foreign languages or music, basically, they would be ignoring them, but actively harming them? I really don't think so.

More likely to die in a car crash I would've thought.

You housed, fed and clothed a family with no benefits on one minimum wage job so around 1600 a month?

Ok.
For most people that would barely cover their mortgage or rent. So it's a bit more than not having a foreign holiday or Netflix.

How were you able to finance being a SAHM?
Did you receive any government benefits (other than child benefit) to support that decision?
Or did you live off savings or your partner?

My children both went to a nursery in this chain, and had both male and female workers involved in their care. I have only positive experiences. This scenario is horrific, but rare. Talk to the staff involved in your child’s care, ask questions, trust your instincts.

My DDs loved their time at nursery. After we left and moved away, the nursery invited them back for the Christmas party because they missed them so much.
They went to their nursery from a very young age and it really helped with getting them into a routine, sharing, tidying toys away and the varied diet I am sure helped their palate develop.
it was a lovely nursery and as PPs have said, your gut feel when you walk in, plus watching the interaction between the staff and children made us comfortable with our choice.