To go from four to five kids?

Absolute nonsense! Of course it makes a difference. Nursery fees for a start so OP can continue working? You do work @Eaglesfortea ?

Why would she get that financially involved with her husbands children from a previous marriage?! They already have 2 parents. Plus if she’s paying towards the family home with her husband then she is already financially subsidising them l would imagine

Well you will if you're on MN 🤷🏻

Also, you've said that you could fund 2 children by yourself. Could your dh fund 5 children by himself?

Well it would make things at least 20% more difficult, possibly more

She has.

I can also see why the older stepchildren are probably also not keen to have another step sibling! It’s a lot for one father to support 5 children!!

I didn't write anything about private schools. It may be slightly irrelevant, but it does illustrate a point. Which is, it's also easier to access excellent music teaching (or anything) if you have the number of children you can afford to do it for.

I've seen far too many "I've just had my second child and my partner/husband can't cope" threads that very quickly uncover that the man wasn't keen but went along with it to keep the peace to recommend this unfortunately.

Could you cope if the 3 SC lived with you FT and then the new baby had a disability?

What if your DP left or died?

I personally think it’s a fine idea.
I don’t think your DC/SDCs are going to be massively impacted negatively from it.

But obviously your DH needs to be on board 100%.
The last thing you want is for him to feel resentment towards you or the baby which will affect the relationship.

If his only gripe is having to change nappies then it’s not that good of an argument considering he has a 1YO already.
It would be completely different if all the kids were older and he didn’t want to start again.

It sounds like your DP isn't that unkeen given that he's having unprotected sex.

I am intrigued that you think the 10 year old and 12 year old won't go to university - do they have SEN which would preclude this?

With all respect, with the salary under 100k it doesn't make a big difference whether it is four or five children.
It is really a difference between private schools/lush holidays/buying a Tesla or other measurable difference to lifestyle; we are probably talking about not getting takeaways or not updating the phone to the latest model. Hardly heartbreaking for most grown-ups.

Ok so you are asking your dp to support 5 children, not 4, whilst you just concentrate on supporting two. I can see why he's not keen.

No. I was responding to someone basically saying "not keen" isn't a "no", which it is, because it isn't a yes.

I acknowledge he continues to have sex with you despite knowing no contraception is involved. But he told you he isn't keen, which means both of you shouldn't be pursuing having another child.

Or if he needed to give it to his next family. Because apparently previous children don’t count, you just start afresh and reset the counter.

Would you really be happy if your dp left you to solely fund your second child into adulthood because he needed to give what money he had to his first dc? I highly doubt that.

The other critical thing to think about is to do a bit of soul searching at what cost you want a second child and your attitude at pregnancy termination in general.

Consider how you are likely to proceed when at 12 weeks screening it is Down's syndrome diagnosed; or at 20 weeks screening brain abnormalities defects. Will you consider both options available, or only one, whatever the option is?

Be wary of a man who's not keen on more children, but will go along with what you want. Think about how you'd fare as a single parent to one or two children.

That’s not actually the point of the post. Aging brings illness and disability, it can mean going down to one income. Middle age is when illness starts to strike.

They might be able to stretch to 5 kids now on the right side of 40, they’re relatively fit and at full earning capacity, but things might look very different in a few years if ill health or redundancy kicks in.

Equally, things might look very different with sick or disabled or ND child.

Can you see how angry this topic makes so many mumsnetters? Nothing riles them more than people wanting a larger family than 2 children. And when step children are involved? The father must be an arsehole!
People become very invested in making sure you know you are making a terrible decision. I've seen these threads time and time again. Personally I wouldn't pay too much attention 😁

Because I read the OP's posts in details.

1. she is a high earner, so she has skills to provide income and make good decisions;
2. she has investments, so has skills to do financial planning and has her spending and budgeting under control;
3. she is an only child - likely to get some inheritance that will be passed on;
4. she doesn't ask whether she can afford the child;
5. .. and the most important thing she gives impression of sensible level headed person answering patiently and reasonably on all the attacks about his partner not being a good dad, how dare to want for a second child and so will be able to deal with the things coming, whatever it is.