To go from four to five kids?

OP, I think the only strong argument in your cons column is that your partner is not exactly on board. It is very understandable after having four children. I would also not be.

However, I feel you are in a strong position. Having a loving family, with the equal partner with equal (if not more) financial contribution who gets on well his three children is the right price for a few years of inconveniences of toddlerhood and nappy changes. And it looks like he understands it, hence sex without protection😊.

So at the moment you don't understand the full cost of working with children. Unlike your SC where their mother is taking the brunt of childcare, you have only experienced this with one child and as they are 1, not for very long. When you go back full-time you'll need to factor in possible breakfast and afterschool clubs, holiday clubs etc and that's if you can actually get your kids into them. So to those saying there's not much difference between 4 and 5 dc, it's not the same as you aren't really doing the heavy lifting on the other 3, but your dp is financially. Just something to think about.

Thing is, you don’t have four kids, he does. You have one child and want them to have a sibling, but he’s done and dusted.

We’ve just had DH’s 4th (my 2nd) so have SS12, SD9, DS3 and baby DD. Always wanted two of my own and made this clear to DH from the start. He always said definitely a 3rd and maybe a 4th. He was happy to stop but in the end DD happened. The family feels so complete now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and only 3 months post partum. So I say go for it.

@Eaglesfortea do you work??

If DH can’t afford private school for his SC he can’t afford it for any of them surely.

I don’t think there’s many women who’d be childfree stepparents. If you don’t want kids, I can’t understand why you’d choose step kids.
I know one, but tbf she pretends the SC don't exist and has done her damedest to eliminate them from their father's life. She is a complete b*tch.

I know, I explained why an excellent musical education is much more accessible if you’re wealthy middle class - one aspect is that private schools generally have much better/bigger music departments, and the top music schools are all private.

If you can only afford state school it doesn’t make any difference if you have 2 or 7 - the access within the school will be the same.

It may not have been clear when they were small children that they were all going to be interested in and extremely good at music and wish to make it a career. I don’t know how the parents could have predicted that?

I'm actually confused. You said you didn't want to be a step parent yet you got into a relationship with a guy who had 3 kids already

I think you should go for it. We are TTC no.4 at the moment. I am one of 4, and loved the hustle and bustle of a busy home. Your DD deserves a sibling relationship that can only really happen by living under the same roof all of the time and hopefully, being fairly close in age. People will come for me from that comment, but I think it’s true. You sound like you have a good, stable job that could support your two children should it need to. Children are as expensive as we make them, yes- even teenagers! Ultimately, you make it work, but it sounds as if you’re in a good position to begin with. Good luck!

I think it just depends what DH means by "not keen". It sounds as if he isn't at either extreme of "actively broody" to "actively opposed". Two children close together aren't likely to make that much difference to your life plans in the long term. Your reasons are sound - with the combination of age gap, limited time together, and the step siblings' closeness to cousins and their own new step siblings, I wouldn't expect a very close relationship between the baby and your husband's children.

If you and your husband are confident he will love this child like the others, I'd go ahead. Good luck!

Great! I'm all for informed choices.

From the moment child 5 is born children 1-4 will get a fifth less financial support from their father. So it's not like it won't affect them.

I agree 100%. This man is already a father to 4 children that he has to support into adulthood!

I can see why he doesn’t want the burden of a 5th child, nor do his existing 4 children probably. It is selfish on your part, op.

I'm not saying she should support them, but equally she's expecting him to now support 5.

Note I also think the men are also bad for going along with it.

So to summarise:

You or your DP will probably get cancer and die.

Your new twins will have severe SEN

Your DP is a dreadful deadbeat dad, all his children are unhappy and he is going to leave you and start a whole new family.

You will lose your income stream.

You don't have the capacity to consider any of the possible outcomes because you came on here to ask our permission.

You won't be able to afford 5 places at the Conservatoire and the required French horn/cello/Stradivarius etc.

And blah and blah and blah.

Basically you're just plain wrong about everything and we know your partner better than you do. He's a wrong'un - fact.

It's not looking good.

I honestly think these women that get together with men who already have several kids and persuade them to have more when the men are happy with the kids they've got, are incredibly selfish. Find yourself someone without kids!

What will DP do if you go ahead and get pregnant? As you're not married you're exposing yourself to a lot of risk. 5 kids is a lot for anyone to support.

Seen update that you're having unprotected sex and DP is on board so not really sure why you're asking the question as the decision seems to have been made! Good luck with getting pregnant and having a lovely DC2