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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go from four to five kids?

268 replies

Eaglesfortea · 03/12/2025 13:08

We have SD12, SD10, SS7 and DD1. We have SC every other weekend, one night in the week and in the holidays, can’t have them more due to their mum moving to the other side of the city, which is 45m drive in peak time. As they’re getting older, they’re finding more reasons to stay at their mum’s, which I think is normal as it’s closer to schools and their friends (plus later curfew and more gaming time and the like).

Pros:

  • I want DD to have a sibling to grow up with. I’m an only child with no cousins, DP’s only brother lives abroad and cousins aren’t close so no cousins nearby and we moved to this city to follow SC’s mum so we don’t have close friends nearby either
  • could afford it, we have all the baby stuff already, I get a generous maternity leave and we wouldn’t need to change car
  • we have enough room, though baby would need to share with DD until they’re at school when I’ll go back to full time work and we’d do an attic conversion to give them a room each
  • I just don’t feel done yet

Cons:

  • time and money will be more stretched between the children
  • I’m 39 so possibly more risky
  • DP isn’t keen as he says he’s been changing nappies for over a decade!
  • environmental impact?

YABU - don’t do it
YANBU - go for it

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/12/2025 13:26

Id say no because your DP isn’t keen, and he’d be the one more stretched between all his children.
Id ignore the poster who can’t even spell that’s saying they don’t want to wok to support your children.

Lollipoprainbows003 · 03/12/2025 13:26

Eaglesfortea · 03/12/2025 13:15

I was always clear I wanted either two or to be childfree (and not a stepparent either). He is entitled to change his mind, of course. I think he’d ultimately agree to what I want to do, but if I said no more, he’d be happy.

Show quote history

Your DP isn’t keen but would have a 5th child just to keep you happy? He has no brain

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2025 13:25

If dp isn't keen then it would be a no fir me

Crazybigtoe · 03/12/2025 13:25

Inheritance will be split 5 ways.

Less money for additional stuff

Less time for clubs / sports etc I have 3 and the schedule for kids needs an xls.

Parenting teens is a lot harder than small kids- and you will have a decade or more of parenting teens when you are old.

If you get help with childcare then you are each have a net gross of less than £100k- which is fine, but not huge buffer for 5 kids if one gets ill, separates, loses their job, kids get sick and need parent to stay at home etc

I get you wanted two. Any emotion will overtake everything above.

OhDear111 · 03/12/2025 13:24

So he’s already leaving three with their mum because driving for 45 mins is yoo
much? Are you married? He’s not keen and he leaves women and children! Not great dad prospect really. One is plenty in your situation.

CandyflossUk2035 · 03/12/2025 13:22

I'd go for it is nice for your DD to have a sibling there full time and as 2 SC come over and leave it will noce to have a sibling "full time".

cadburyegg · 03/12/2025 13:19

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There’s always one 🙄

Original poster
Eaglesfortea · 03/12/2025 13:18

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The only benefits we get are funded nursery hours and tax free childcare. Mortgaged house, no UC, no child benefit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eaglesfortea · 03/12/2025 13:17

MidnightPatrol · 03/12/2025 13:13

So it’s your second, but your DP’s fifth?

Id query the affordability of quite so many children - but I see your logic re your DD having a sibling and your own family size / shape when the other children aren’t there full time.

Yes. It is expensive but luckily we are both good earners with decent savings and investments.

Having five kids would mean we don’t lead a luxury lifestyle, but to be honest, we don’t with four either.

OP posts:
surreygirly · 03/12/2025 13:16

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Original poster
Eaglesfortea · 03/12/2025 13:15

Amba1998 · 03/12/2025 13:12

What did you and partner discuss when you got together?

Blended families are difficult. As it would mean 5 kids for him but only 2nd time for you. So I can see why he is done but you are not

I was always clear I wanted either two or to be childfree (and not a stepparent either). He is entitled to change his mind, of course. I think he’d ultimately agree to what I want to do, but if I said no more, he’d be happy.

OP posts:
Lollipoprainbows003 · 03/12/2025 13:14

The answer is always a no if one party isn’t keen or says no.

rubyslippers · 03/12/2025 13:13

You partner isn’t keen so it should be a no
and he has a point IMO

MidnightPatrol · 03/12/2025 13:13

So it’s your second, but your DP’s fifth?

Id query the affordability of quite so many children - but I see your logic re your DD having a sibling and your own family size / shape when the other children aren’t there full time.

Abracadabrador · 03/12/2025 13:13

Your boyfriend won't parent his kids 50/50 because of a 45 minute drive?

He doesn't want another kid, so it's not an option. Is he getting a vasectomy?

Amba1998 · 03/12/2025 13:12

What did you and partner discuss when you got together?

Blended families are difficult. As it would mean 5 kids for him but only 2nd time for you. So I can see why he is done but you are not

cadburyegg · 03/12/2025 13:11

Yabu because your DP isn’t keen

youalright · 03/12/2025 13:10

If dp isn't keen then no