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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do?

56 replies

sharkstale · 03/12/2025 13:02

I have a holiday coming up in 2 days with my now-ex and 2 children. Eldest is not his. Youngest is a baby so doesn't know any different. It's not amicable between us, he's nasty hence the reason for the breakup (recent) and I just don't want to be around him. I'm happy to miss out on the holiday, but my dd would be devasted.

Yabu - suck it up for your daughters sake, its only for 4 days

Yanbu - don't go, it's not worth it

OP posts:
ClaredeBear · 03/12/2025 14:13

Agree with others saying he should drop out. I hope that’s an option for you.

TheatricalLife · 03/12/2025 13:45

sharkstale · 03/12/2025 13:38

He's lead passenger and there hadn't been any suggestion of me going alone with the kids. It's either we all go or he goes alone

Hope he enjoys his holiday alone then.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 03/12/2025 13:44

I'd suggest to him that he doesn't go, removes himself from the booking, makes you lead passenger and I will take the kids on my own. If he isn't on for that then I'd book something else.

Andthatrightsoon · 03/12/2025 13:42

Then he goes alone. Your future self will see you did the right thing, as will your daughter.

Soggybest · 03/12/2025 13:42

sharkstale · 03/12/2025 13:38

He's lead passenger and there hadn't been any suggestion of me going alone with the kids. It's either we all go or he goes alone

Op did your dd particularly care for your ex? I doubt it.

Just say that given you aren’t together anymore, a holiday wouldn’t be appropriate but you’re going to book something special.

Shes old enough to have probably endured the two of you pre split, so I doubt she’ll be anything but relieved not to carry on enduring

ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/12/2025 13:39

sharkstale · 03/12/2025 13:38

He's lead passenger and there hadn't been any suggestion of me going alone with the kids. It's either we all go or he goes alone

Loanly holiday for him then

Original poster
sharkstale · 03/12/2025 13:38

He's lead passenger and there hadn't been any suggestion of me going alone with the kids. It's either we all go or he goes alone

OP posts:
ohthiscouldgetmessy · 03/12/2025 13:35

If you have booked it, take him off the booking. If he has booked it, don't go

Parsleysalad · 03/12/2025 13:32

go on your own with the kids

ToKittyornottoKitty · 03/12/2025 13:30

It’s not amicable and he’s not her dad, an 8 year old can’t understand what that trip would be like. Absolutely do not go.

chunkyBoo · 03/12/2025 13:28

My best friend did this with her ex, to Florida, it was awful and their child remembers it now, 12 years later, not at all fondly, she was 7 ish at the time xx

JudgeBread · 03/12/2025 13:26

Is him not going an option, since the only person who wants to go isn't even related to him? Could he keep youngest who I assume is his and just you and your daughter go?

Pineapplewaves · 03/12/2025 13:24

A decent man would drop out and let you and the kids go alone, it sounds like this is not an option? If it’s a holiday abroad and you are the lead passenger then you could remove him from the booking……

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2025 13:23

What kind of holiday?

If its flights and a room- could you get a seperate room for ex?

ComfortFoodCafe · 03/12/2025 13:23

I wouldn’t go. Do something else with your dd.

cripplinglyalone · 03/12/2025 13:19

Go with your gut and don't go. Or you will be there and think 'why didn't I go with my gut'
Sometimes its so easy to think 'ah but I paid £500 for this trip!' but actually sit back and ask 'how much would I pay not to have to go on this trip?'

Soggybest · 03/12/2025 13:16

I bet she’s over the moon he isn’t around anymore

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 03/12/2025 13:16

Can't you tell him not to come?!

Soggybest · 03/12/2025 13:16

So cancel (who paid? Will you lose money?)
and arrange something just with dd

or suggest ex doesn’t go and pay him his share

TootsMaHoots · 03/12/2025 13:15

She will just have to be devastated and you will have to manage that.

At least it’s a known variable. You don’t know what coils happen if you go on holiday and she could end up much more devastated.

WallaceinAnderland · 03/12/2025 13:15

Cancel and plan something else to do with her instead. She will have a much happier time without a horrible atmosphere.

Soggybest · 03/12/2025 13:15

McSpoot · 03/12/2025 13:08

Except that he’s not “daddy”.

Show quote history

wtf I missed that

Original poster
sharkstale · 03/12/2025 13:13

TheatricalLife · 03/12/2025 13:12

Fuck that. I wouldn't want to spend 4 days with a nasty ex. It will be awful -awkward, uncomfortable and you'll be on edge the whole time. Cancel and make plans to do something else. It might be initially upsetting for DD, but better than being stuck in an atmosphere with two warring adults.

This is my thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
sharkstale · 03/12/2025 13:12

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 03/12/2025 13:04

How old is dd? What is the plan going forward for contact between her and your ex?

She's 8. There's no need for them to have contact going forward.

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 03/12/2025 13:12

Fuck that. I wouldn't want to spend 4 days with a nasty ex. It will be awful -awkward, uncomfortable and you'll be on edge the whole time. Cancel and make plans to do something else. It might be initially upsetting for DD, but better than being stuck in an atmosphere with two warring adults.

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