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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you do?

56 replies

sharkstale · 03/12/2025 13:02

I have a holiday coming up in 2 days with my now-ex and 2 children. Eldest is not his. Youngest is a baby so doesn't know any different. It's not amicable between us, he's nasty hence the reason for the breakup (recent) and I just don't want to be around him. I'm happy to miss out on the holiday, but my dd would be devasted.

Yabu - suck it up for your daughters sake, its only for 4 days

Yanbu - don't go, it's not worth it

OP posts:
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Swiftie1878 · 04/12/2025 08:29

DD has a fantasy idea of how the holiday will be. The reality will be horrible, and she’ll pick up on it at that age even with the best will in the world from you.
Don’t go. It won’t end well for any of you.

See if you can take your daughter away yourself in the New Year - give her something else to look forward to.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 04/12/2025 08:25

Is this man the father of the baby? How did things go from good enough to produce a child to breakup in such a short period of time?

If it’s not salvageable, I’d withdraw from the trip. She’ll be disappointed but that’s life. Maybe some local festive outings will be a distraction.

JC19827 · 04/12/2025 08:21

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Original poster
sharkstale · 04/12/2025 08:11

Largestlegocollectionever · 04/12/2025 08:08

I’m not sure why people are being so nasty to you!
Sorry to hear you’re going through this, no, I wouldn’t go it sounds like it could easily unravel and become a nightmare.
Can you take your dd for Xmas treats etc locally?

Tbf, it's only one person who's been nasty. Not sure what she's getting from it either. No, we're not going, we'll do some other fun stuff instead.

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Daisy12Maisie · 04/12/2025 08:09

Don’t risk going. It’s not worth it.

Its rubbish to loose money but that money is spent now anyway plus you would spend more money going. Travel to airport/ sun cream/ food out (unless it’s all inclusive). The atmosphere will be awful.

Tell DD that you can’t go as you have separated but that you are going to plan something exciting with just her (maybe a day trip when younger one is with dad) and then a holiday with her and little one. Then you can book something cheap if necessary in a years time and look forward to it.

You will regret it if you go.

Largestlegocollectionever · 04/12/2025 08:08

I’m not sure why people are being so nasty to you!
Sorry to hear you’re going through this, no, I wouldn’t go it sounds like it could easily unravel and become a nightmare.
Can you take your dd for Xmas treats etc locally?

Owly11 · 04/12/2025 08:07

Just tell your ex not to go? Surely it's obvious that you can't both go and your dd trumps your ex.

JC19827 · 04/12/2025 08:06

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Original poster
sharkstale · 04/12/2025 08:04

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Yes, we have one booked for March with family.

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JC19827 · 04/12/2025 08:04

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JC19827 · 04/12/2025 08:03

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WearyCat · 04/12/2025 08:01

Has she ever fallen out with a friend or experienced mean behaviour at school? If she has, that’s the way to explain how it would be. Is there any possibility of taking her somewhere else next year, that you and she choose together?

Original poster
sharkstale · 04/12/2025 07:56

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No, I don't 'think'. She's is very upset about not going, because to her it's a holiday abroad she's now not going on. As a pp pointed out, at her age she's unlikely to understand what it will be like.

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JC19827 · 04/12/2025 07:46

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sharkstale · 04/12/2025 07:41

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"good for benefits"

unsure what to make of this comment. It almost sounds as though you're saying I should have invited abuse into my home with my children rather than be a single parent?

We've barely had a relationship since. I sent him on his way to get counselling but saw little to no effort to change. So I've walked away.

I didn't book the holiday, he did. I didn't want to go from the start, making it clear my priority this month was Christmas. He wanted to go, so booked it anyway.

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JC19827 · 03/12/2025 19:17

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Original poster
sharkstale · 03/12/2025 19:02

ginasevern · 03/12/2025 17:48

Surely your 8 year old will have suffered the nasty atmosphere when you were living together? What was their relationship like? Don't put yourself and your kids through this pantomime. At that age she'll soon get over it.

We never lived together, we tried but I kicked him out fairly quickly because of how he spoke to me.

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ginasevern · 03/12/2025 17:48

Surely your 8 year old will have suffered the nasty atmosphere when you were living together? What was their relationship like? Don't put yourself and your kids through this pantomime. At that age she'll soon get over it.

MyMilchick · 03/12/2025 15:12

Let him go alone. Imagine being stuck in a foreign country with a nasty ex and 2 young children! No way

Original poster
sharkstale · 03/12/2025 15:00

333FionaG · 03/12/2025 14:34

Where is the holiday? Is it something like Centre Parcs or Butlins? If so, you could go and do separate activities, including meals, with your DD, and let him seek his own entertainment.

It's abroad, there's no way of going separately

OP posts:
333FionaG · 03/12/2025 14:34

Where is the holiday? Is it something like Centre Parcs or Butlins? If so, you could go and do separate activities, including meals, with your DD, and let him seek his own entertainment.

GreenCandleWax · 03/12/2025 14:26

Soggybest · 03/12/2025 13:06

Say to dd that you’re feeling a bit poorly and will be nice for her to have alone time with daddy

job done

He is not her father! Why don't people read the posts?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 03/12/2025 14:24

Does he see himself as dd's dad?

Don't go either way though x

ClaredeBear · 03/12/2025 14:15

Apparently you can go without the lead passenger, he just needs to cooperate.