No contact for this one.
I'm sat in my car after having a blood test. I just don't want to go home. I figure I can do some food shopping to justify my absence. Got a DD at home and DH who is self employed and works from home.
Met him 11 years ago and he lived with his mum having never lived alone except for uni shared house. He told me he did 50/50 housework with his mum at the start, but there were some signs early on that this was bs as he used to come stay at mine and not lift a finger until I asked him to wash up seeing as I cooked 100%.
Fast forward to us having a baby and him promising he would step up. But really, I've been kidding myself because he just does not see dirt, crumbs, splashes, mess. He takes 3 x as long to do the same task as it takes me. (I've timed him). He is undiagnosed dyspraxic and he blames this. His mum is the same, very slow doing chores. (But she is house proud).
The housework has been the number 1 reason for our arguments of late and it is me starting them. Poo stains in the toilet that he doesn't clean, limescale round the sinks and bath because he doesn't wipe up. Kitchen counters left with old food. Carpets don't get hoovered, bedding doesn't get changed. You get the picture. If I don't do these things, they don't get done unless I ask him to do it.
On top of that, I do all the DIY, gardening and car cleaning. He doesn't drive though is taking lessons. (I had to book them.) I even have to book his hair appointments and style his hair for him as his hair is so thick and plentiful, he looks like Worzel Gummidge without products in.
I also research everything for DD.
In his defence, he puts DD to bed every night, but he is inconsistent with routine and timings.
I brought up the 50/50 thing he told me at the start of our relationship and he said he didn't lie, he was deluded and didn't understand what mental load was. He thought doing what he was asked, was enough. The only job he has 100% responsibility for is bins. I have started doing bedtime for DD because he isn't consistent. He does also cook but trashes the kitchen.
If im ill he looks after me but i have double the work to do when I'm well as he prioritieses me and nothing else.
I'm peri and I lost both my parents this year. I also found out I am AuDHD and the process around getting a diagnosis was gruelling and caused me a lot of grieving as life has been very difficult. (Now I know why).
I desperately need routine and peace in my home at this point in my life. I see the mess around me and I get a twitch in my eye.
DH went to stay at his mums cat sitting for a week recently and my house was clean, tidy, I was going to bed early and my eye stopped twitching. Within 24 hours of him being back - back to chaos and mess. I just can't keep on top of it all and the mental load is killing me.
Am I being unreasonable with my house standards, with him being dyspraxic?
Am I not unreasonable in my requests?