Did your mum stop cooking when your dad left?

No, she always cooked for me and my brother when we were home even though we were in our early 20's when they divorced and mostly lived away from home.

Now that she lives completely alone she'll often have picky bits or whatever rather than cooking. I get that though, sometimes it feels like a lot of effort to cook just for oneself. DH and I have a far more equal share of domestic responsibilities than my parents did, but for both of us if the other one and kids aren't home we probably aren't going to cook.

It’s interesting that a few people have called it ‘depression’ to stop cooking. I would argue the complete opposite! ‘Joy’ of being able to finally cook what you actually want!

My parents divorced before I’m old enough to have a memory of them being married. However mother was a rubbish cook anyway (fish fingers, chips etc) up until the 2010s (I was born 2001) when she brought a laptop and became obsessed with making her own stews she found recipes for online

I don’t really recall my mum ever cooking much. I mean, she did make meals on occasion, but she didn’t cook. It was like ready meals, heating stuff up, stuff from tins and packets. She has never cooked a stew in her life. We never had a Christmas lunch at home. I ate most meals at my grandparents until I was old enough to cook myself. We otherwise ate out or got a takeaway. We had a Chinese for Christmas for so long that now I have Chinese for Christmas Eve with my dc because it’s tradition for me.

But I imagine there is something freeing in not having to cook a big family meal that no one even appreciates. If it’s just me at home, I do cook, but that’s because I enjoy it.

If my husband died, I would stop cooking immediately. He cooks more often than I do now, but, honestly, having to think about and provide actual meals is a pain.

My parents are still together but when I got divorced and DC was small so got fed at nursery, I would usually have something simple like beans on toast for dinner. It was, as said upthread, a relief as my ex was very much a 'meat 2 veg, home cooked meal every night no exception', and I was exhausted from my FT job. I think this is true for a lot of women.

Things are different now DC is a teen and we eat together, but I expect I'll go back to simple meals once I'm living alone.

This is me now, since I got divorced I don't really cook as such, I prepare very simple meals Iike pasta, soup, baked beans and oven stuff like chicken tenders. I steam carrots and brocolli on the side.

I actually think it's healthier as the portions are smaller. Also I rarely buy take away now, because there's never "no time to cook" when there's an option of canned beans (takes a second to open the can).

My kids eat simply like me so if DH dropped dead tomorrow we’d be quite happy with roasted meats / simple pastas / salads / soup.

If I were on my own I would cook completely different meals to what I make now. I would be able to only make things I like, which are quite different to what DP likes - currently we have a fairly limited amount of dishes everyone in the house will eat. DP likes spicy, tomato-y, beany dinners. I like creamy, onion/mushroomy, root vegetabley dinners. I definitely wouldn't cook proper dinner every day - I would batch cook and otherwise live on things on toast. Ready meals may well feature occasionally.

I hate having to cook dinner - I like cooking when I'm in the mood, but having to cook every day is dullsville.

She was probably depressed and facing a sudden increase in strain on her finances. It's not surprising at all.

Also, people talk about the joy of home cooked meals, but they're often a lot of drudgery to prepare, and then the kids are ungrateful and pick at them anyway. I can see why it's not high up the list of priorities for newly-divorced mums tbh

I think if you've been the one making most meals for years it might be nice to stop.

This is an abiding memory of mine, she said there was "no point" cooking Christmas dinner once he left. Despite having 3 teenage dc's who absolutely would have helped out, and also not having the happiest of marriages to put it mildly
She was/is a good cook but just didn't bother at all any longer. 30 years on, not much has changed.

My husband hasn’t left but (due to his very restricted diet) we usually eat separately, and have done for years. We eat together at weekends, when I cook something that we will both eat, and when the (adult) children come home, but usually I just look after myself.

In general I still cook proper meals, but I can’t be bothered to do it every day, so it’s often something like a risotto or pasta that I can eat two or three days running. I often eat fish, but I might sometimes do something very simple like an omelette or even just a baked potato with tuna and cheese. I very rarely buy ready meals.

When my XH went I got completely and totally fed up with feeding five kids who all had different likes and dislikes, plus we had no money at all. So there was a lot of pizza, oven chips, turkey twizzlers etc because those were the foods that the majority would eat. I still liked cooking and baking but there just wasn't the cash to indulge in it.

Now I live alone and I only eat once a day in the evening. Sometimes I cook, sometimes I eat beans on toast, it depends how I feel. But not having that horrible mental load of planning meals for a week is wonderful!

Single, no kids, but definitely lost the joy in cooking to an extent post breakup. I want to share the food and the drudgery of having to decide every night with no payback other than my own enjoyment. Meh. We split the cooking and were both good cooks so it's not about being freed from having to look after him every night. It's that a meal is more pleasurable if it's a shared, appreciated meal.

Never been in that position so can’t answer! But from my own perspective, I k ow I’ve always said it i ever lived alone I’d likely cook myself a full roast dinner every day of the week so I cannot imagine me ever not cooking a proper dinner.

I imagine in some cases there could have been depression for the mum?

Maybe she had too much to do to cook. 4 kids on your own is a lot. Did she work?

Poor mum was probably in survival mode be thankful you were fed. And I don't mean this in a harsh way.

Now I’m single, and it’ll be even more apparent once my kids have left home, it’s been interesting to see what I have chosen to do & eat when I have no one else to think about. My guess is the difference is huge for women. Men too but not through choice, but laziness.

No the opposite. My Dad did all the cooking so when he left, my Mum had to start. If she didn’t have kids, I’m sure she’d live on toast and jacket potatoes, but she did cook for us every day including when my sister went vegetarian (must have been so annoying for her!). We might have pizza or something on a Friday but otherwise home cooked meals (nothing fancy)

No my mum was a single parent who only cooked home made food, we rarely had frozen food or ready meals

She kept cooking, and exactly the same amount, but now shared between fewer people. Bigger portions

I have been cooking meals for other people (which means to their taste, not mine) almost every bloody day for well over 50 years. I did cook proper meals for my kids when I was a single mum, but honestly, if I was on my own, I'd probably do just one or two really nice meals in a week and the rest of the time live on soup and toast! Sounds wonderful.

After my father in law died, my mother in law rejoiced in being able to pick her own food after 61 years! We were amazed when she told us she was having a lasagne for dinner on a Wednesday as she'd had pork pie every Wednesday for 60 years and doesn't even like it! She started going to Aldi and trying all new foods. They only used to go to Tesco's and only on a Thursday morning. All very strange and we'd had no idea of how regimented everything had become.

I guess if your mum does do this, it can give a good indication of what it was like to be your fathers wife, and it isn’t a good look for him!

when i got divorced, i didn’t do this, but then my exhusband never demanded/expected a dinner, so there was no ‘need’ for me mentally to do this.

my mum, however, after 40 years of expectation to provide a proper dinner, (despite working full time herself), now single and revels in having just a sandwich at 4pm!