Husband’s attitude towards aging

TBH I'd be 'eeewwww' if DH asked me who out of his friends I found attractive.

Middle aged men getting paunchy and blading aren't really my bag. I still put up with him though!

Some men and women age their self's with over doing botox and fillers.

Young Kelly Brook was clearly far hotter than middle aged Kelly Brook. The same could be said for most of us. 🤷‍♀️ He never said he wasn’t attracted to you or was planning on running off with a 20 year old so why are you trying to take in personally that he doesn’t want to cheat on you with your friends?

Men always answer these sorts of questions from a complete fantasy point of view. Obviously, in real life, if Kelly Brook (or any of your friends) was to so much as look in his general direction he'd be mightly flattered.

You're conflating fantasy and reality. If you ask him a fantasy question remember not to apply it to real life, or just don't ask the question at all!

I think most of us were hotter when we were younger - I certainly was! I was watching Prisoner 951 last night and I thought the male lead was Ralph Fiennes. I was surprised to learn that it was actually Joseph (the younger fit brother) and he’d just got older. I get the same feeling when I see Jason Donovan now, who I really fancied 35 years ago, but now looks more like his Dad. I think the feeling comes from the knowledge that we too are probably equally older and less attractive now. How did we go from ‘that’ to ‘this’, seemingly in the blink of an eye?

Does he realise that he’s the same age as these women and the younger women he fancies would be pulling the same ew grandad face at him if they saw him looking? Some men seem almost delusional about their ability to pull these days.

I’d say it’s pretty harmless though, so long as you both still feel desired and valued by each other and your sex life is still good for both of you.

But he wouldn’t be able to win either way? If he picked one of your friends who looked nothing like you, you’d be comparing yourself to her, or finding another way to complain about who he picked. If he says none of them for x reason you’re still unhappy. Why even ask such a question? It’s like you’re trying to upset yourself and then playing the victim. Any answer would be hurtful so take a bit of accountability instead of becoming offended.

And here you are, participating.

I think it comes down to your husband not being sensitive and if it was continuous I wouldn’t want to be with some one like that. I would rather be on my own.
it reminds me when I made a comment about wearing a certain type of snood / hat that would make me look like an old woman. He said “ well you are an old woman!” It was like a slap in the face and I did say he had hurt my feelings later. I am late 50’s always looked younger but now stress and age has caught up with me. You just don’t want your partner saying that as I don’t look at him and think that I just see him ,if you see what I mean. It is a slippery slope if you don’t feel they find you attractive.

He is a prat and clearly thinks highly of him self i wouldnt of asked the question tbh its always going to backfire

You are creating dramas for yourself 🫠.

Good to hear you're taking on-board what people are saying. (It puts you ahead of 99% of the internet there!) I'm not going to read through 15 pages of replies, but if it's not been said before, for most men who aren't in the first flush of youth, who they reckon is attractive and who they actually want to go out with are very different answers (and if they're not, that bloke's a bit of a problem). All his 'ew, they're old' points are worrying though - a bloke I know has that attitude and everyone in the group (men and women) find it really off-putting.

He is just as old though. If you were going to name people you fancied, would it be old(er)men? He was unthinkingly blunt I think.

How is 43/46 old? Little bit pathetic of him tbh

Honesty, you’re doing fine, just ignore the relentless sniping. They do it whatever you say, in fact, if you’re being reasonable, they go after you harder.

"But he didn’t - he said ‘eww… they’re all old’ which I found disrespectful - "

Did he though?

"He thought for a moment and answered ‘none of them really, they’re all old now’."

I mean yeah he needs to stop saying that

I agree wholeheartedly but I would also say he probably doesnt see you as old. He probably still thinks of you in the same way. Have you asked him?

I don't necessarily agree with you but ultimately OP, what do you want from this thread? Did you want everyone to validate your feelings? Did you want everyone to pile on your husband and condemn him as a disgusting pig? There are plenty of posters willing to do so, so focus on those if that's what you want (personally I wouldn't want strangers on the internet talking about someone I love that way but your mileage may vary).

Surely the best thing to do here is forget what he said and how he reacted and move on...and in future avoid asking trivial questions you don't want to know the answer to.

Maybe one that doesn’t describe women over 40 as ‘ewww’? I think being unimpressed with a husband who’d say that is entirely reasonable. Either way, I don’t think she needs to change herself.

I think there are a good number of people who find that as people age past a certain point they become less attractive to them. More men than women feel this way, but I've seen quite a few women here say they same thing, that most middle aged men are unattractive to them.

I think it's just one of those things. The same that most people don't find people with bad acne, or teeth, attractive. It's not really fair, it just is. It has nothing to do with thinking they look great themselves.

I don't think that necessarily follows that people feel that way about their spouse, because of course you love them. But even there it sometimes happens that people sometimes stop finding them sexually attractive.

It is a better not to ask for sure.