Husband’s attitude towards aging

Rough as old boots?

Bloody Nora, I’m glad you can’t see me 😂

I’d lightheartedly call attention to his grim ‘programming’ by commenting on ridiculous men who chase younger women, pervy old men drooling over teenagers, sad old men who search terms like ‘barely legal’. Take every opportunity to scorn them.
Hopefully he’ll interrogate his own attitudes.

If you don't want to know the answer then don't ask the question.

This is my opinion as a 47 woman yo who’s been on MN for donkeys years and been around the block a bit:

Men are gross - but it is partly to do with nature. Males will carry on shagging/procreating until their dick is about to fall off with old age (look at all the famous men having babies with younger women when they’re well into their 60’s etc) Charlie Chaplin sired a child at 73 (I know he’s always held forth as an example and possibly his wife was shagging a hot young stud but he’s just an example - several members of the Rolling Stones are others) I also know several men in real life in their 50’s who are onto their 2nd families with younger women. You also read about this phenomenon on here every day. I don’t know any women doing this, the women I know who are divorced are just happy to be shot of their useless husbands and are very wary of getting involved with another man, never mind having more kids. Women are generally done with all that by their 40’s, eggs are depleting and they want to concentrate on other things.

A generalisation maybe but a true one.

I can admire a handsome younger man but I’m never sexually attracted to men much younger than me, whereas men will quite happily shag women young enough to be their daughter. I think a lot of men are also quite delusional about their own aging looks. My dh is of the mindset that men age better but I have been informed on more than one occasion that he looks like my dad. I actually think women take much better care of their appearance in general. Men are often quite egotistical and delusional 😂

You’re both as idiotic as each other. No answer he could have given you was going to be positive was it?

Dumb questions that were never going to yield a happy outcome

To be fair to him Kelly is just looking rough as old boots- she is no pin up now

women tend to find equivalent aged men attractive. Men when asked who is attractive always fancy 25 yr olds, no matter their age

I’d be pretty weirded out if my DH asked me which of his friends was most attractive - apart from the general ickiness of the question itself, there’s no good answer to the question.

You appear to be repeatedly setting fire to your relationship.

Why tho? He said this about other people, not you. I highly doubt if you asked him if he finds you attractive he wouldn’t say ewww

Does your DH compliment you? Tell you that he thinks you're gorgeous? Tell you how much he loves and appreciates you? If not, I can see why those comments would upset you.

I have no ides which celebs DH fancies. I don't ask! And I certainly don't ask if he fancies my friends 😬 But I know he loves me and fancies me (I'm 48, he's 46).

If he said ewwwww about any woman's appearance though, I'd be a bit disappointed in him!

You’re the one asking him to rate or comment about women based on physical appearance and then getting all uppity when he does. Let’s also not pretend these weren’t loaded questions because based on your strong feelings about his response they absolutely were!

Yes as I said he was tactless and oafish about his answer, I'm not giving him a free pass at all.

But they're not nice questions to be asked because it feels like a test. What answer could he realistically have given that wouldn't have pissed off OP? Are we to believe if he'd told her which of her friends he fancies she wouldn't now also be overthinking that instead?

I do agree to a certain extent, but then why didn’t he say that? It sounds like the DH’s answer to admittedly a stupid question was really rude. He could have been a bit more mature and insightful, and pointed out that the question was inappropriate and that superficial external appearances aren’t the most important thing in a marriage. That would’ve been nice. Agree OP shouldn’t have asked.

You have no one else to blame but yourself op. Ask stupid questions get stupid answers.

I’m intrigued as to what would’ve been the right answer to the question about your friends.

I wouldn’t in a million years ask my DH which of my friends he finds most attractive. I think that’s really inappropriate and you’re setting him up a bit there.

Saying that, my DH and I are similar ages to you both, and he always tells me that I am more and more beautiful each day. Now objectively I’m not. However, it’s his attitude towards me, our relationship, our family and our shared history that influences his love and attraction for me, not what I look like. As per the graph above, most men will always find women in their early twenties to be the most attractive which I find pretty disgusting. I’d be really disappointed in my DH if he had this attitude towards ageing women.

I’d find it really hard if I were you not to point out every single sign of ageing on my DH’s body and face if he shared this attitude with me.

I agree with this too, OP. You're trying to sell yourself as "all innocent" but imo that's bullshit

I agree with this. I do think (most/many) older men (over 45) prefer young/er women (16 to 28) and most wouldn't admit it

I also think many men have an overinflated opinion of themselves, no matter what the mirror and scales tell them

The reality is on a completely surface level people tend to be more attractive when they're younger.

But that's all he's talking about, surface level attraction. The things that hold you together, that you love about another person, that make you want to spend your life with them and grow old and wrinkly and saggy with them, are rarely physical. He's not saying he doesn't find you attractive because I'd presume the things he's attracted to in you run deeper than surface level. I'd hope so anyway!

He's being tactless and oafish, yes, and a better bet probably would've been to just not answer because you've kind of asked him a question with no winning answer. Why on earth would you want to know which of your mates he's thought about shagging?

I think you are being disingenuous here, because you setting traps for him to fall into.. He is stupid for falling into them though.

you asked him ridiculous questions then got upset at the answers - what did you want him to say to the friend question? If he’d given you a couple of names then you’d be annoyed at him for that! Especially if they didn’t look like you

lots of people find more youthful looks attractive. It doesn’t mean they’re an old letch. Kelly brook hasn’t aged particularly well so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him not fancying her any more.

I should just stop having these “jokey” conversations

stupid question = stupid answer

I don't think you come out of this terribly well either, what with the serial stupid questions and the lecturing and haranguing. Can't you find something else to talk about?

I would imagine that most men think the same, if they are being asked to rate women based purely on their physical attributes and whether they ‘fancy’ them: some of them are clever / kind enough to lie. Unfortunately your husband isn’t one of them.

why did you ask? Were you fishing for a compliment? Disappointing.

I think you both need to accept you’re getting older tbh.

Your attitude isn’t great either

Apparently a lot of men continue to see young women as the most attractive as they age, whereas women tend to like men closer to their age. I remember this being discussed a few years ago. https://metro.co.uk/2019/02/22/men-regardless-age-will-always-attracted-women-early-20s-8718590/