Page 7 | Massive increase in cost for lessons, is this normal?

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 2025-12-03T02:18:52+00:00

As per title, one of my children has flute lessons. Heard last night from the teacher guy that the lesson will be going up from £32 to £40 in the new year, for the same amount of time. Daughter loves the lessons, but our money is very tight. Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5. I dont understand if things are going up by 3% (or whatever it is ), how are some things going up by SO much. Hubby says I should just pay it as the teacher might not have increased his rates for years, but we’ve only been doing the lessons since the summer and the percentage increase feels huge. (The teacher is a guy my husband used to work with, not sure if this could be why he just wants me to shut up and pay, to save his embarrassment?!) I already find it such a juggle to make sure everything is covered on such a low income, I am feeling sad that I now have this additional stress. Is it me? Am I being unreasonable??

Allergictoironing · 03/12/2025 12:42

I'm also a little confused about how there's so little left per month from his stipend. I have to live on around that, and though I don't have children I do have housing costs that you don't.

Floundering66 · 03/12/2025 12:42

TotHappy · 03/12/2025 12:34

I'm so confused where all your money's going - yes he only has a stipend and it's not much but it's not a pittance either! And some of your household bills should be subsidised too, as well as no housing costs. What do you actually spend on each month?
As for the hours, maybe you've just got a shitty diocese, some can be harder than others but most clergy draw some boundaries to protect their home life.

Doesn’t add up to me either. If I didn’t have to pay rent/ mortgage or childcare then £2k + child benefit a month would be easily doable. My household bills come to £550. Only thing I can think is there’s a really expensive car loan maybe.

alpenglow1 · 03/12/2025 12:41

I am a tutor and while I don't think the fee is necessarily unreasonable, I do think the increase is. I know budgeting can be hard for families, so I try to 'fix' my students' prices whenever possible. This means I now have some where the lessons are still at the same price as they were when I took them on in 2019, but I see it as a sort of loyalty discount, especially since they also often refer others.

Then, when I get new students, I charge my current market rate. It all evens out in the end - especially as having happy long-term students is so much easier than having to constantly find new ones.

ComfortFoodCafe · 03/12/2025 12:35

I think i would look for something you could do at home around the kids to generate income.. childminding maybe? Online income? Buying & reselling? That is a very tight budget and Im guessing he wants to be a vicar until he retires?

PurpleThistle7 · 03/12/2025 12:35

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 12:29

Thanks for the ideas. I will definitely put my feelers out and see what else is available, or switch to less frequent or shorter lessons.

The flat pays for itself, not loads leftover as there are a lot of costs and also we switched to buy to let mortgage which is higher percentage than when we lived in it. Because the house prices have gone up, it has over the 16k equity, but that makes no day to day difference to us.

Selling it would render us homeless when he retires or leaves, so that would be daft. I also would only be allowed 6 weeks in the vicarage should something happen to him, or he need to stop working, so I need somewhere to go with my children!

The problem is that you won't actually fit into the flat anyway so you'd be selling it at some point. It seems like the point of greatest need is now as you can go back to work soon and cover the gap when the kids are a little older.

TotHappy · 03/12/2025 12:34

I'm so confused where all your money's going - yes he only has a stipend and it's not much but it's not a pittance either! And some of your household bills should be subsidised too, as well as no housing costs. What do you actually spend on each month?
As for the hours, maybe you've just got a shitty diocese, some can be harder than others but most clergy draw some boundaries to protect their home life.

ChloeMorningstar · 03/12/2025 12:34

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 12:29

Thanks for the ideas. I will definitely put my feelers out and see what else is available, or switch to less frequent or shorter lessons.

The flat pays for itself, not loads leftover as there are a lot of costs and also we switched to buy to let mortgage which is higher percentage than when we lived in it. Because the house prices have gone up, it has over the 16k equity, but that makes no day to day difference to us.

Selling it would render us homeless when he retires or leaves, so that would be daft. I also would only be allowed 6 weeks in the vicarage should something happen to him, or he need to stop working, so I need somewhere to go with my children!

So where is all the money going?

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2025 12:31

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 12:29

Thanks for the ideas. I will definitely put my feelers out and see what else is available, or switch to less frequent or shorter lessons.

The flat pays for itself, not loads leftover as there are a lot of costs and also we switched to buy to let mortgage which is higher percentage than when we lived in it. Because the house prices have gone up, it has over the 16k equity, but that makes no day to day difference to us.

Selling it would render us homeless when he retires or leaves, so that would be daft. I also would only be allowed 6 weeks in the vicarage should something happen to him, or he need to stop working, so I need somewhere to go with my children!

While children are small, would it be advantageous to change to intrest only mortage - say for 5 years so you would have more income.
Then after 5 years kids would be old enough to switch mortage back to repayment and get a pt job.

OopOop · 03/12/2025 12:31

Cucy · 03/12/2025 10:52

Your DD cannot have these lessons.
You simply cannot afford it.

I actually think it’s shocking that you already spend £30 out of £85 of the budget on this.
How unfair on your other children.

Look on YouTube for free lessons.

I know it’s a shame if DD enjoys it but you have to be realistic. My DD would love horse riding lessons and musical instrument lessons etc but it’s just part of not being wealthy.

You are literally wasting on this and prioritising 1 child over the others which isn’t fair.

I agree. It’s certainly not a decision that’s in the best interests of the whole family.

Original poster

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 12:29

Thanks for the ideas. I will definitely put my feelers out and see what else is available, or switch to less frequent or shorter lessons.

The flat pays for itself, not loads leftover as there are a lot of costs and also we switched to buy to let mortgage which is higher percentage than when we lived in it. Because the house prices have gone up, it has over the 16k equity, but that makes no day to day difference to us.

Selling it would render us homeless when he retires or leaves, so that would be daft. I also would only be allowed 6 weeks in the vicarage should something happen to him, or he need to stop working, so I need somewhere to go with my children!

OP posts:

Bananafofana · 03/12/2025 12:29

Is your friend paying rent, at least at the level of the universal credit you’re missing out on?

I am a huge supporter of music but having spent THOUSANDS on my children I know oh too well how much it costs. Sitting an exam, for example, will cost over £100 by the time you have paid for the original music, exam fee and accompanist.

i strongly suggest you look for local Saturday music conservatoires which have generous bursaries - oftentimes completely free tuition - and you would absolutely qualify with your household income. That and as per PP free music lessons through school or the council - that is how I received a musical education.

does your church (c of e?) have bursaries to pay for things like this for children of clergy?

the flute teacher is charging a reasonable and below union fee, but I think it is too great a proportion of your household income.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/12/2025 12:27

Aluna · 03/12/2025 12:23

Presumably utilities, council tax, tv, car, insurance etc

1997 pm is about 460 a week.

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Those things would add up to about £500-plus all the other stuff, maybe £800. My quick sums are there’s about £1k spare per month to absorb this 8x4?

PurpleThistle7 · 03/12/2025 12:27

Your original question was if this was a reasonable jump and I think unfortunately yes it is - if anything the teacher was undercharging you for a while. I don't really understand why you can't work at all and you can't sell your flat, but everyone makes their own choices and I think people got a bit sidelined into trying to fix things you didn't ask for help to fix.

So yes, the teacher is fine to charge £40 for a lesson and if this is unaffordable for you then you can't do it. We all have to budget with what we have. I can't afford private music lessons either so it's not that unusual.

Aluna · 03/12/2025 12:26

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 12:23

If they are both vicars, they are both on the standard income, so have double the money…..plus one will be getting an extra chunk for not wanting the house they are entitled to…….PLUS the second income doesn’t have all the bills coming out of it!

I know a few people who have done this, not because they really wanted the job, but because they saw it as a good solution to the money issue.

I wouldn’t want to work for them, they aren’t a reasonable employer. (I know of more than one couple who were denied time off when they needed it for a still birth and to bury their baby). Not something I want to be involved with thanks.

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Is your friend paying rent and how much is the studio flat worth?

KTheGrey · 03/12/2025 12:23

Glittertwins · 03/12/2025 05:03

I think we paid about £40/hour for private music lessons 2 years back.

Some very ordinary food staples seem to have gone up about 40% over the last year - cost of living increase?

Original poster

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 12:23

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 03/12/2025 11:57

I know plenty of vicars - some are both vicars in a couple, others are married and 1 has a "normal" job. Lots have children... occasionally some have struggled a bit but not to the level you suggest

Yes they are technically "on call" all the time but the reality is they don't constantly have to rush off to deal with dying parishioners etc

Plus your "tiny flat" must be worth a bit for NO UC at all. And is the friend paying rent?

All of which is to say you need to relook at finances and you not being able to work if a fairly reasonable £8 increase is too much

If they are both vicars, they are both on the standard income, so have double the money…..plus one will be getting an extra chunk for not wanting the house they are entitled to…….PLUS the second income doesn’t have all the bills coming out of it!

I know a few people who have done this, not because they really wanted the job, but because they saw it as a good solution to the money issue.

I wouldn’t want to work for them, they aren’t a reasonable employer. (I know of more than one couple who were denied time off when they needed it for a still birth and to bury their baby). Not something I want to be involved with thanks.

OP posts:

Aluna · 03/12/2025 12:23

arethereanyleftatall · 03/12/2025 12:19

Where does the £2k per month go if you have no rent and only budget £350 plus CB on all kids stuff plus food?

Presumably utilities, council tax, tv, car, insurance etc

1997 pm is about 460 a week.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/12/2025 12:19

Where does the £2k per month go if you have no rent and only budget £350 plus CB on all kids stuff plus food?

Aluna · 03/12/2025 12:19

It’s not clear if the friend is paying rent. But if she’s not you need to rent the place out, otherwise you need to sell it

ttcat37 · 03/12/2025 12:13

Your husband is spectacularly selfish to give up a well paid job and force his family to live in poverty just for him to chase a new career. Your children are suffering the result of this decision. Somebody else could do his job just as well as him, but nobody else can be your children’s father. You as a family deserve better.

BeardofHagrid · 03/12/2025 12:13

That price is crazy. I used to get lessons with a teacher who visited our school, it was just a few pounds back then.

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2025 12:10

Another idea could be to join a music group if avaliable.

Our local music shop (that does private lessons) has orchestra style practise every saturday for kids that is very cheap. Helps back up esp those who cant afford weekly lessons

SecretNameAsImShy · 03/12/2025 12:10

ChloeMorningstar · 03/12/2025 12:08

Daughter loves the lessons, but our money is very tight. Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5.

but he takes home 1997, so where is the rest going? You're not paying rent as thats included, you have a flat which you should be getting an income from, if not sell it

The OP said the flat has a mortgage on it so I guess that's where some of the money goes and probably car plus they have bills to pay on their current home. £1997 is very small in this economy.

SecretNameAsImShy · 03/12/2025 12:08

What happens if your other children want music lessons, how are you going to afford it. I'm sorry OP but it sounds like you are going to have to ditch the lessons. I'm not sure you are treating all your children the same....

ChloeMorningstar · 03/12/2025 12:08

Daughter loves the lessons, but our money is very tight. Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5.

but he takes home 1997, so where is the rest going? You're not paying rent as thats included, you have a flat which you should be getting an income from, if not sell it