Massive increase in cost for lessons, is this normal?

She won’t be paying building insurance, the owner pays it.

I don’t know do they’re charging some kind of service fee in lieu.

sorry if this has been suggested before but have you got any skills you could barter for the flute lessons? Cleaning? Babysitting? Baking?

Bless you. The way the Church of England treats parish priests is criminal in my view. They are averaging less than minimum wage, their housing is poorly maintained and they have too many parishes to have the kind of impact they’d like to have.

Sadly, your flute lessons were well below current market rate. The teacher is probably struggling financially too. All I can suggest is that you ask for the increase to be stepped, so it increases to £36 then reaches £40 in the summer term.

To answer your question, 25% seems a big increase, but if there have been several years of no increases I'm not surprised. That's effectively his gross profit before tax, his net hourly pay will be considerably below that once he deducts tax and NI, holiday and sick pay (if he can afford those), pension contributions, overheads, petrol, marketing, cancellations etc.

My unsolicited advice (sorry if not helpful): I'm surprised your Diocese doesn't cover your council tax, water and buildings insurance. The PCC(s) should also be paying expenses to cover part of the broadband and heating bills, unless one of the Churches has an office your DH works from. You should be able to claim tax back as well if he has a home office/ PCC meetings in the Dining Room etc. Our PCC also pays reasonable travel expenses/mileage (for visiting parishioners etc., not driving to your place of work to take a service).

Unite have a branch for ministers of religion, I suggest he joins and asks for advice on whether his situation is fair.

I also don't understand why he is constantly 'on-call'. Ok, if someone is dying he might need to rush off, but most Vicars I know keep office hours, and most take Saturday and one day off in the week. It's dangerous not to, frankly, you end up being at the beck and call of people who don't really need your help otherwise.

Other than that, your situation doesn't sound that different to a lower income family with a newborn. Once the child is old enough, you will also need to get a job. All the spouses of married Vicars I know have jobs of their own.

Well done on keeping the flat. Hopefully over a long career, capital value increase alone will give you a bedrock for a retirement property.

Final point- it's not ideal perhaps, but if it really is a struggle a few Vicars I know have utilised their big vicarages by taking in a lodger or two. Obviously, with small children you'd probably want a level-headed, mature woman- but it's worth investigating as an option. You'll need permission from the Diocese, but they shouldn't withhold that unreasonably- you need to ensure they stay on the kind of licence tenancy that means they can be quickly evicted.

£550 for heating costs on a free home? Lucky you.

People are typically paying £150 - £200 (?) a month in heating a month. So you are paying £350 a month "rent".

You have no idea how lucky you are

Sorry if I've missed it, have you saud why you're not working?

I presume the broadband is because a vicar needs it for his/her work. Ditto payments for heating in the vicarage which is often used for meetings etc. Are you being taxed correctly - because clergy have a special tax band since they are not employed and not paid a salary? As to the flat - be careful. Income on a rented out flat is taxed (doesn't matter if it only covers the mortgage) and Ms Reeves has just done small landlords no favours at all.

And an aside, We've found NFU to be very helpful and competitive on insurance costs.
Amalgamate everything you can even the car insurance. And no I dont work for them, just found them so much more helpful and open to discussion and we've moved often so had many negotiations..

You need to check all the above... Absolutely ridiculous and abusive that the church expects its vicars to be living in penury at less than the living wage.
You sound very passive. Find your anger on behalf of your children. They deserve better.

And, you should be paying only contents insurance for the vicarage, negotiate strongly on that!
The owner/church pays the buildings insurance.

And your flat will be leasehold so the Buildings insurance should be covered by the management company. Check your documents. Your tenant pays the contents insurance for his belongings and any invertant damage he does within your property.
Your responsibility (landlord) is only on the internals.... from the plastered walls and the fixtures.

Ask the council about council tax relief.

And there are business costs associated with running a vicarage so yes the church should be covering those. Broadband + phones + contribution to heat and light.
Don't let them get away with it.

OP says she's not being financially abused but a man who leaves a well paid job to be a poorly paid anything "because he wants to" to the detriment of his family and when this "non stop job" prevents his wife from working... I would consider that man to be financially abusing his family so he can (in this case) be a good guy to the world.

Same as if he left to be an artist or a musician or a podcaster. If you can't support your family, you can't do your hobby job.

when was the last time they raised their prices?

My daughter's guitar school didn't raise their prices for 3 years so it went up suddenly from £62 per month to £85 per month which gave me a massive shock. But then when I realised it had been so stable for so long, I figured it was because they hadn't been incremenentally raising them which is why the jump was so big.

If your child is at a relatively early stage of learning, I would suggest a 30 minute lesson every week would be fine, a hour is quite a long time for a young pupil. At the rate you mention, I guess you're currently paying for an hour?

Sending love OP - I have friends who are clergy wives/children and it's often a (n unpaid) job for the spouse as much as for the minister, with the added fun of feeling watched, held to a higher standard etc.

In the immediate time I would consider whether you can slightly increase the rent on your old flat; ask the teacher for a lower rate as the proposed rate is unaffordable; ask about cutting down frequency of lessons; look around for other tutors (bit awkward given this one is a friend/contact?); consider some of the links for support posted above, which are for clergy.

Wishing you well.

If you don't pay for housing I don't understand how 1997 a months leaves you with just £85 per week for food and kids. I can't believe your husband is "giving you every penny after bills". How can bills (excluding rent) be that much?

My guitar tutor charged £20 an hour for years. A copule of years ago he put it up to £24 and a couple of months back it went up to £30. I think that perfectly reasonable.

He's taking the financiasl circumstances of some in to account. those he knows will struggle to afford it are still on the old rate.

I think £30 or £40 for someone's time to teach a skill they honed over many years is not overpriced.

OP what is the length of your daughter's flute lesson? Is it 30.minutes?
If so, 40 pounds is expensive.

If it's 45 then it's normal.

The musician's union rate is around 42-45 an hour I believe and that includes cheap parts of the country.

Does the teacher have a conservatoire education specifically in flute? If so 40 pounds per 30 min is justified.

If you're paying 40 pounds for 30 min with a teacher for whom flute is a second instrument and who doesn’t hold a prestigious music degree or diploma, that is too much even for London.

Vicar's wife here:

1. Do make sure you're getting all the tax relief on your utilities etc (it's included in the 'HLC': Heating, Lighting and Cleaning allowance on your MInister of Religion tax form).
2. Have you thought about working from home options? I have several friends who've done various online work to supplement income.
3. Clergy Support Trust help clergy who are struggling financially - you might find them able to help you https://www.clergysupport.org.uk/ - they help with cars/holidays/other stuff
4. Make sure your husband claims all travel (and other) expenses from the PCC.
5. Our kids enjoyed a local authority schools orchestra, which was free/very cheap. See if you have one locally and that might supplement less frequent individual lessons.
6. Keep going. It's a strange but wonderful life with many privileges alongside the struggles.

Just to defend the 25% increase in costs..

Private tutors should in theory increase their lessons roughly in line with the cost of living/inflation. So 3% this year, X% last year etc.

But that isn't practical for customers and businesses that like to work on round whole numbers. So what you tend to see is no price increase for a few years, and then suddenly a big increase to make up for it.

That is what happened when I was younger, and it is also what I did when I ran a private education business pre-covid.

For the tutor this likely isn't a yearly jump of 25%, but rather a back-dated jump compared to 2-3-4 (or more) years ago when they last adjusted their prices.

As a fellow ministry spouse, I feel inclined to comment on your post.

Regarding the music lessons, if it's a church member who is offering the lessons, could you ask for a ministry family discount? At every church we've ever been at, even as lay members before entering paid ministry, services like music lessons, babysitting etc. were offered either for free, or heavily discounted to the Pastor's family. Ministry doesn't pay well at all, so there is an understanding from church members that this compensates for the lack of salary. At our previous church, the members all chipped in to pay for the Pastors' kids swimming lessons.

You have a newborn so it's understandable that you're not working at the moment, however, all of my ministry spouse friends have to work outside the home, even in a part-time capacity. There is just no way to make it work on one ministry salary, unless it's a megachurch and both spouses are employed as joint Pastors. Long-term, I would look for a flexible job like teaching, that would allow you to go part-time, and move as is required for your husband's ministry.

I'm not in the UK, but in my experience, many religious schools over free tuition and other benefits to ministry families, as long as they are ordained within the church. Are you eligible for any of those?

Although I know you have a baby, I have several female vicar friends who don't have a house husband, and they rely on their husband being home to go out at short notice to a dying parishioner, and/or schedule things around childcare. Our own vicar plans her sermons while waiting for her son to finish sports practice.

Your DH really does not need a vicar's wife and if he thinks he does, he needs to drag himself into the late 20th century. In a lot of parishes, the vicar will be the BEST paid person but you seem to have resigned yourselves to being the worst paid. You don't need to be.

On the issue of the music lessons, this does seem like a large increase. Do you get pupil premium? My DD (who is adopted) gets free music lessons as she gets PP+.

I do know a vicar who lives in the vicarage. The house was in disrepair when they moved in and they had to spend money to get it in good order. There is no help from the diocese for maintenance. They also cover 3 or 4 churches and are very busy. There is a shortage of vicars, especially in the area we live in. I would be honest with the teacher and just tell him the situation you're in and say you cannot afford the increase and you're very sorry but would have to look elsewhere to see if there is anyone else available who could provide the lessons cheaper.

Another one for reducing lesson to once per fortnight.
Better than none at all

Charge the friend rent for your flat. ( if you haven’t already done so) Crazy not to because it’s at your family’s detriment

His diocese will have a fund for those struggling, he needs to ask.

The Clergy Suppport Trust offer fibancial support to clergy. You have to approach them but this is what they are there for.

You shouldn't be paying council tax or water rates. Heating is costly in vicarages, sadly. Again, CST may help - or ask the diocese what they plan to do to make your home more energy efficient.

He sets his hours. No clergy are on call 24/7, most clergy have a spouse who works. And many have kids too.

It is usual for vicars living in the vicarage to get their council tax, broadband and water rates paid though.
Building insurance is paid for by the church.
Also you can get tax relief on utility bills and broadband for working from home in the vicarage.
Is your husband doing that as it will help.

It all sounds really tough and I guess you are all paying the price for your husbands vocation, you mentioned he had a higher paying job before was it within the church? It seems unfair that a vicar with a family is paid the same as one with no dependants as his ‘job’ makes it really tough for their other partners to work.
I would try and share the flute lesson with another parent, group sessions are cheaper. It does seem a pretty big hike in price, did they why?
It’s all very well for your husband to say to pay it but your budget is quite small to begin with, and any left over should be saved as children get more expensive as they get older.
Totally agree that it makes no sense to get rid of the flat which you may need in the future. I admire you all, him for his calling to work in that role and you for being supportive, I’m afraid in your shoes I’d be pretty miserable and very resentful!