To be miffed by hubby actions

True I was thinking that as well,
but if the gift tag just said from Dad, that would be shitty of him.
It would have been nice if it said from Mom and Dad, but still, it's from Santa.
He's not taking sole personal credit, the kids know that it's from their parents and not from Santa.

Sure. I get that when they're kids and need caring for. She's now (as she explained) not working because (1) he makes plenty and (2) they get to go on more holidays. In those circumstances I see it a bit less as "we both have full time jobs but he gets a wage for his" which I totally get is the case for many/most SAHPs

As I asked above, if she does something nice for a DC (eg tidy their room, find something they lost, give them a lift) would DC be expected to thank their dad as well, because him being at work means she is at home to do that stuff? That seems so weird and artificial to me. Just like thanking her for paying for a meal. They should thank her for the stuff she does.

Separate but important point, they are really disrespectful.

Suggest you get a job for yourself and your almost adult children help with the house work and get weekend, holiday jobs.

But he's the one who will bring them out and OP would have been as surprised as the dc.

It should have been a joint gift.

Although I'm not sure these kids deserve such a treat. My mum was a housewife, I wouldn't have dreamed of speaking to her like that. She devoted her life to us.

I think if he had put them as from himself, that would be claiming credit, but putting from Santa is the opposite of that- because it could be either / both of you. The disrespect of you by the children is a separate issue though and one that should be addressed

He’s trying to do something nice and a surprise for you and DC, give him some slack and don’t let on that you found the presents.

Because without the op her dh probably wouldn’t be in the position to take them all out for meals and holidays, she has sacrificed her own life to create a life for him and their children, so yes he’s wages become her wages too, it’s their money not just his!

op id except this surprise gracefully as his intentions were good and his heart is in the right place. Enjoy your Christmas I hope it’s a lovely one for you all 🎄🎅🏻🎄🎅🏻🎄🎅🏻

I think he was just trying to suprise you. And to be honest from what you have written about your children, even if you knew about presents and gave them together they would still see it as from dad

You need to sit down and have an honest open chat about you feeling invisible and undermined. Particularly about how your DC are making you feel. And agree about how to tackle it going forward. You also need to decide if being available to go away whenever your DH wants is worth the price of feeling undervalued. What’s the plan when your DC are up and away?

I'm getting the sense that OP doesn't have access to the family money and her H just siphons a stipend to her.

It's clear he is a glory hogger who wants the presents to be just from him. That was apparent from your first post.

I would speak to him and tell him that there is already a toxic environment in the home where the kids don't value your contribution and he is compounding this by acting like Lord Benevolent and you as the meek housewife.

Remind him that he has only been able to build his business because you have been an unpaid nanny and household manager.

And change that wrapping paper and tags to reflect that the gifts are from both of you.

Once you and DH are on the same page, tackle the toxic views from your dc, their attitude to you is shocking.

Do the same as him. Buy them, wrap them, label them from Santa (but keep receipts so that they can be returned). When you 'realise' that you've both done the same thing you can have a laugh about it and agree that you will communicate better in the future.

They’re teenagers , I think they’ll probably work it out ..

This is a perfect example of how a relationship works! Money is not the only thing of value someone can provide!

Absolutely unacceptable the way the kids and his family treat you with respect to money. Your husband needs to correct this and swiftly, he needs to make sure everyone is clear that he has only been able to focus on his career because you have been taking care of everything else.
Perhaps you need to go away for a week or so and leave them to fend for themselves, maybe then they’ll value what you do for them.

He is doing something nice and the DC presents are from Santa not him so not sure why this is a problem - Santa will be getting the credit not him. YABVU

op, pretend you haven’t seen them and have the pre Christmas talk- darling do I need to remind you that Christmas presents are from both of us to your parents and our kids? I don’t want to feel this Christmas like the housekeeper again which I have in the past, last Christmas I decided I will get a job again and you have to do more at home if this Christmas looks like that. It’s either ours and presents are from us or it’s yours and you don’t actually value me either.

I doubt the kids comments came from nowhere, I’d expect my dh to put them on full house duties for a week if any of our kids were so bloody entitled as to say those things. I think it must be him too, where else would they have learnt it?

It feels shitty to me too OP. Men love to be the saviours and the one that everyone is grateful to don’t they?

It does sound like your husband wants to take credit for the gifts and further reinforce the unpleasant attitude your children have that money isn't shared between their parents.

If he hasn't created that amosphere in your home, who has?

I know. Some people are never fucking satisfied.

@Tacobelle111 I think you should pull your kids up if they say that stuff and so should DH. My Mum stayed at home although sometimes did my Dad’s books. But they were a real team and I never considered Mum as less in any way. My Dad would have set me straight if I’d shown any signs of that. Mum’s contribution wasn’t financial but it was of equal value. Dad couldn’t have done what he did without her support?

I would sit with this for a bit and not react for the time being. You know where this feeling of not being seen as one of the providers is coming from. But you also know he’s aware of it and doesn’t see it that way. So it’s your own trigger and internal voice.

I’m also pretty sure your children will know all you have done over the years for the family, they aren’t little kids. So I don’t think the tag on the present is going to have the emphasis you think it will.

Your husband has done a lovely thing and wants to surprise you and the kids. None of that was done with the intention of malice and hurt. I’d try to focus on the family joy on Christmas morning and the fact that after all these years that he still places big effort on being someone who shows up that way.

Also you probably need to work on your self worth /perception a little. You have given and done so much for your family, it doesn't matter if it wasn’t via filling a bank account, sending love.

Presents are a bit different if you helped to choose them but yeah pretty much if he buys or pays for something I don't think they should thank you. They shouldn't be rude about you not working though.
If you spend all day doing something for them, say you tidied their bedrooms on your own, washed all their clothes and repaired a broken item for them, would you expect them to thank your husband for doing that?

OP, I'm not sure that arguing with the small minority of posters who don't understand the concept of joint finances in a marriage where one parent is a SAHP is worth your time.

You and your DH have agreed on joint finances and a division of labor between you and you've said that both you and he consider your family money to be joint. That's a settled arrangement - neither your teens nor random strangers on the internet get to overrule you and your DH's decisions and views about your finances.

Focus on what needs to change regarding your teens' completely unacceptable behavior and attitude and what you need your DH to do to better support you with his parents. What happens when your teens say things like you've described? Do both you and your DH pull them up on it? Are there consequences for continuing to make those comments?