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Original poster

5 yo prefers Mum putting her to bed and has massive meltdown if Dad's turn

34 replies

moowens · 02/12/2025 19:53

My DD has increasingly been going cuckoo bananas at night when its Dad's turn to bring her to bed and do stories etc. She only wants me. She cries hysterically nad screams down to me 'Mummy I love you so much, I miss you'. Dad tries his best but sometimes it does get the better of him and he loses patience. But she is so persistent, even when Dad IS calm, reassuring, trying to help her regulate.
I don't really know what the triggers are for this. Maybe its not enough time with me, or me being the emotional landing pad for everyone in the house, but I am so exhausted.
I know she is dysresulating in these moments, but we can;t see a way through managing and she seems a bit old for these kinds of meltdowns. She was 5 in Oct and is very bright. Second one of these scenarios this week. Anyone else going through same? all advice welcome!!!

OP posts:
DeadlyDozen · 02/12/2025 20:25

Just let them choose. Why can’t they have their preference? My DH is the preferred bedtime parent because he puts way more fun into it than I would ever bother to do the kids love it. They do sometimes want me if they’re feeling unwell. A 5 year old wanting her Mummy when Mummy is available seems totally fine to me. If your DH doesn’t want to miss out then both do it together.

Bobloblawww · 02/12/2025 20:21

Don’t fight it? Just give dad another task such as bath time.

unicornpower · 02/12/2025 20:13

My 4yr old DD is the same, she adores her dad but I am her favourite person in the world so she would just much rather have me, however, if I am not an option, she’s absolutely fine with Dad and doesn’t cry at all, but if it’s a choice between us then she will always pick me. I don’t have the answers, it’s really bloody hard, could you nip out around bedtime so she has to be with her dad? Maybe they do something nice together at the weekend?

Pyjamatimenow · 02/12/2025 20:04

My Five year old is exactly the same. Dh is at work a lot so she’s just used to me. He gets upset

Original poster
moowens · 02/12/2025 20:00

ForZanyAquaViewer · 02/12/2025 19:54

How often does he put her to bed? How much time does he spend with her during the day and on weekends? Does he do stuff with her? What’s their relationship like, generally?

We take it in turns, so he takes her every other night. She is very vocal that I am her favourite. I guess he doesn't spend that much quality times with her during the week, its just humdrum. He sometimes does at the weekend but again, not regularly. They seem to have a good relationship. He's def more fun than me!

OP posts:
DisorganisedMummyTurningOrgnaised · 02/12/2025 20:00

My son does this - he yo yos between us. I’ve figured out that he wants one parent until they get a bit more stricter. E.g. I used to do all the bedtimes but they would take wayyyyyy too long, so then I got strict with how much time we spend reading, etc. Daddy used to be “fun” so he switched to daddy. Then daddy got fed up with the 2 hr bedtimes and now it’s back to me. It’s whoever will spend the most time playing, talking, reading with him, and less time telling him to “shhh, go to sleep”

BoredZelda · 02/12/2025 19:56

Have you tried doing it together for a bit?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/12/2025 19:55

How often does he do it? If you go out at bed time she may see she has no choice

ForZanyAquaViewer · 02/12/2025 19:54

How often does he put her to bed? How much time does he spend with her during the day and on weekends? Does he do stuff with her? What’s their relationship like, generally?