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Original poster

To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

341 replies

SparklyLimeHair · 02/12/2025 18:41

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

OP posts:
Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 22:23

EsmeSusanOgg · 03/12/2025 22:21

Could you take a sabbatical instead of quitting?

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My employer have refused a sabbatical unfortunately.

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Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 22:22

Hamiltonfan · 03/12/2025 22:19

But surely as HOD you can rearrange these yourself (or ask your secretary to rearrange if you have). It's not a big ask.

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I can do but then my employer gets unhappy about it and it causes more stress for me too. They hate me rearranging work or rearranging meetings. They are just not flexible in the slightest unfortunately

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EsmeSusanOgg · 03/12/2025 22:21

SparklyLimeHair · 02/12/2025 18:41

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

Could you take a sabbatical instead of quitting?

Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 22:20

Tammygirl12 · 03/12/2025 22:06

I think you should start saying you are not able to meet on the days you can’t meet politely. They won’t take the children off you.

That’s just not an option unfortunately. Insisting that I can only do meetings on my non working day is just not an option unfortunately.

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Hamiltonfan · 03/12/2025 22:19

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 22:02

I’ll try and speak to ACAS I think possibly. They won’t let me swap my non working day because it means having to rearrange work/meetings etc, that’s the reason that my employer gave.

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But surely as HOD you can rearrange these yourself (or ask your secretary to rearrange if you have). It's not a big ask.

SoldTheMovieRights · 03/12/2025 22:18

Why can't you use some of your current income to outsource cleaning, cooking etc? You seem to keep rejecting this suggestion by saying you can't have a nanny but surely other household help is possible?

Hamiltonfan · 03/12/2025 22:13

Tammygirl12 · 03/12/2025 22:06

I think you should start saying you are not able to meet on the days you can’t meet politely. They won’t take the children off you.

This

Namechangetry · 03/12/2025 22:06

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 21:43

I worry they would remove the children. They haven’t said they would remove them but I worry they would.

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They won't. It'd be very hard, and expensive, for them to find a successful placement for three children who have been removed and then had a disrupted placement with you as well. Demand for FCs outstrips supply. They need you. You are doing them a massive favour.

Why do you need to do all the FC training? You're not going into foster caring for unrelated DC as a career, this is a different situation. Of course you need suitable training and understanding of attachment and therapeutic parenting but you don't need the whole FC training package. When I was assessed as an adopter we did 4 days group training, then several months 1-1 home study with a SW coming to me and fitted in around my working hours. It's madness for them to be treating you like a FC. Actually you could try Adoption UK for advice on that, also the adoption board here has some FCs and kinship carers I think, as well as adopters who are also SWs. Seriously, you need to try to shake off pussy footing in case they remove the children. The LA should be pussy footing around you.

Tammygirl12 · 03/12/2025 22:06

I think you should start saying you are not able to meet on the days you can’t meet politely. They won’t take the children off you.

Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 22:04

MeridaBrave · 03/12/2025 22:00

I think you need to discuss with social workers that your day off work for meetings is Monday (or whatever it is). Or maybe take a career break until 2 year old is in reception? Surely work have to let you take unpaid parentsl leave?

It’s not possible to only have meetings on my day off unfortunately. And I also can’t choose when the fostering training is either and that is often on my working days

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Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 22:04

Truetoself · 03/12/2025 21:56

It will be different once you return after sick leave as the frequency of meetings may be less and kids will be more sorted and maybe then a nanny will be a possibility. You should not be disadvantaged due to being a carer. I would also try and explore getting adoption leave. Maybe ask ACAS advise then perhaps an employment lawyer. As a global head I would have expected you to have some flexibility though? Maybe it’s not the right company for you?

A nanny just isn’t an option unfortunately. Adoption leave isn’t a possibility either because I haven’t adopted (and even if I did it wouldn’t be an adoption, it would be an SGO) the kids, I foster them.

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Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 22:02

Hamiltonfan · 03/12/2025 21:52

Speak to ACAS. I'm sure your employers have to be reasonable and they really aren't being. What rationale have they given you for not allowing you to swap your days or even letting you catch up on work in the evenings if needed?

Social services will NOT want to remove the children from you. You are doing an amazing thing and they are aware that you are the best person to have them. So they too need to be more flexible with when you are able to make meetings. Good luck OP.

I’ll try and speak to ACAS I think possibly. They won’t let me swap my non working day because it means having to rearrange work/meetings etc, that’s the reason that my employer gave.

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MeridaBrave · 03/12/2025 22:00

I think you need to discuss with social workers that your day off work for meetings is Monday (or whatever it is). Or maybe take a career break until 2 year old is in reception? Surely work have to let you take unpaid parentsl leave?

Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 22:00

mellicauli · 03/12/2025 21:59

Please don't give up with your job. You need a source of income. The job market is terrible.
Just be completely obdurate with social services: I can only do meetings on Friday. Put it in writing every time. It will be easier for them to rearrange the meetings than find alternative placement.

So my day off work is Friday yes. But it’s not possible to always to do meetings on a Friday only, that’s just not possible unfortunately.

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Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 21:59

ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/12/2025 21:49

Thinking long-term, is adoption in the future? Because if you can adopt them, surely that means you won't have to go through all of these meetings anymore, once it has been legally put in place.

I agree with everyone else on the thread that you shouldn't have to quit your job, and the SW who keeps telling you "most foster carers don't work", sounds like a waste of space. SS just want what is most convenient for them, they don't care that you'll be left financially struggling and without an adequate pension in old age.

It's just shitty that your employer is so inflexible. How easy would it be to get your job with a different employer? So perhaps take a year off, then look to get the same role with another company once the meetings have reduced.

It sounds like you're going to quit your job regardless, but I'd urge you to see it as a temporary career break only, don't leave it too long before getting back into your career.

SGO isn’t appropriate/isn’t an option at the moment unfortunately due to circumstances.

I could get my job with a different employer if there were any job openings but I would still have the same problems with another employer unless they were willing to be extremely flexible.

If I do quit my job I’m not sure if it would be a career break though because I want to continue fostering the children and I don’t want them to go to someone else.

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mellicauli · 03/12/2025 21:59

Please don't give up with your job. You need a source of income. The job market is terrible.
Just be completely obdurate with social services: I can only do meetings on Friday. Put it in writing every time. It will be easier for them to rearrange the meetings than find alternative placement.

Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 21:57

Next week there are 2 days that I can’t work due to fostering training, and these 2 days are both days that I should be working. But there’s nothing that I can do about that other than attend the training.

And then on another day (another day that I should be working) next week I also need to do a meeting with SS. And then I also need to take one of the children to a medical appointment too in the middle of my working day.

I understand why my employer is not happy but they are not willing to be flexible at all and that’s why I feel I have no option but to quit my job.

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Truetoself · 03/12/2025 21:56

It will be different once you return after sick leave as the frequency of meetings may be less and kids will be more sorted and maybe then a nanny will be a possibility. You should not be disadvantaged due to being a carer. I would also try and explore getting adoption leave. Maybe ask ACAS advise then perhaps an employment lawyer. As a global head I would have expected you to have some flexibility though? Maybe it’s not the right company for you?

Hamiltonfan · 03/12/2025 21:52

Speak to ACAS. I'm sure your employers have to be reasonable and they really aren't being. What rationale have they given you for not allowing you to swap your days or even letting you catch up on work in the evenings if needed?

Social services will NOT want to remove the children from you. You are doing an amazing thing and they are aware that you are the best person to have them. So they too need to be more flexible with when you are able to make meetings. Good luck OP.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/12/2025 21:49

Thinking long-term, is adoption in the future? Because if you can adopt them, surely that means you won't have to go through all of these meetings anymore, once it has been legally put in place.

I agree with everyone else on the thread that you shouldn't have to quit your job, and the SW who keeps telling you "most foster carers don't work", sounds like a waste of space. SS just want what is most convenient for them, they don't care that you'll be left financially struggling and without an adequate pension in old age.

It's just shitty that your employer is so inflexible. How easy would it be to get your job with a different employer? So perhaps take a year off, then look to get the same role with another company once the meetings have reduced.

It sounds like you're going to quit your job regardless, but I'd urge you to see it as a temporary career break only, don't leave it too long before getting back into your career.

Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 21:48

I would say that the majority of meetings and appointments for the children and fostering training are on my working days but there’s nothing I can do about that, I just have to accept it and make sure I attend the meetings and attend the training and take the children to their appointments too.

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Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 21:46

Clearinguptheclutter · 03/12/2025 21:05

You seem to be asking for collective agreement that you have to quit. It might seem that way but long term it seems unlikely that is the best option

SS absolutely need to understand that if you have to quit your job there is enormously less income available with which to raise these children. It’s in their best interests for you to be able to continue!

it’s also a real shame that your employer is so inflexible. I def would consider signing off sick for now so that you have some time to breathe and think things through at least. And/or others have mentioned parental leave. Are you eligible for this as a foster parent?

either way you’ve been dealt some really tough cards here and you’re doing a sterling job. Your DN&N are extremely lucky that you’re stepping in to look after them. It sounds like an incredibly hard thing to do. Of course you want to put them first and it’s ridiculous that it has come to this.

I’ve raised this with my employer before and they won’t budge on not approving anything that I’ve suggested that would make things easier. And it’s hard with social services because I do understand that it’s not possible to always do meetings on my day off and it’s definitely not possible to choose what days the training is on. I really just don’t see what else I can do, something has to give and I think that will mean quitting my job so I can continue fostering.

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Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 21:43

Namechangetry · 03/12/2025 20:58

What do you think would happen if you said you would only accept invitations to meetings or visits when you can fit them in due to having to work to support the children?

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I worry they would remove the children. They haven’t said they would remove them but I worry they would.

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Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 21:43

Blizzardofleaves · 03/12/2025 20:52

But it won’t be forever op.

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I want to keep on fostering the children though, I don’t want them to go to someone else.

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Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 21:42

Hamiltonfan · 03/12/2025 20:47

This is ridiculous. As an employer you do what you can. This costs them nothing but would mean the difference between you being able to manage work and your caring responsibilities and not. Can you submit a formal request in writing? And ask for actual reasons (also in writing) why this isn't possible? These are reasonable adjustments which as an employer they should be willing to make.

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I agree that it’s ridiculous but my employer won’t budge on it. I’ve made a formal request previously and my employer declined it unfortunately.

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