To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

The training is likely linked to the "skill" level and therefore the fostering allowance. Also, hopefully useful in therapeutic parenting/dealing with complex behaviour issues etc.

What if you didn't go to the training? You're not wanting to be a career foster carer, you're looking after relatives kids totally unplanned and with no preparation, and you've been doing it for a year, surely you'll be competent at it by now? SS seem to be very inflexible. I agree with others that you need to push back, you are not a "normal" foster carer.

In the end you want what's best for the children. Kids with emotional and mental health problems are far more time consuming down the line, invest the time now in as secure a childhood as possible. The final answer is probably going to be a combination of SS paying you enough to manage in the interim and then moving to a freelance/more flexible employment maybe when the youngest starts school. You might be surprised what you can manage on financially, you don't need to be taking them to Disneyland but you don't want to be struggling in poverty on top of everything else. Also (speaking as a 50 something) don't forget your pension.

I think this quote of “a lot of foster carers don’t work alongside fostering” totally inappropriate for your situation and as if she’s just reeling out some lines

You are not fostering to be a foster carer, you have taken your niece/nephews in. The original intention wasn’t to be a fosterer and you likely wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I’ve looked at fostering and knew I just couldn’t make it work alongside work, so I didn’t

The only parents I know with 3 kids find life a hard juggle and they are part time, yet still find the juggle hard. It’s no surprise you’re finding it difficult, especially with all the additional things that come with your situation in terms of meetings

you are just as inflexible as your employer.

what would happen if you don’t attend the training? Also why would the circumstances stay the same in a year? If the child can go to a nursery, this suggests they can be looked after by others. Why is nanny not an option?

do you want people to encourage you to leave your job?

Did you post about this before? I remember a very similar thread where the OP was considering taking on a fourth child, but her employer wouldn't let her reduce her days.

I think people like you are bloody marvellous. You're an amazing human being taking on these children. Their lives will be better because of you.

I understand your dilemma, but have no solution. I know the amount of meetings, courses, training SS will expect you to go on. I've only read your posts, not the thread, but can I suggest you turn it on it's head a little? Why not refuse to go to the meetings SS are always asking you to attend? Tell them your availability around your working day. Push back on them to find the solution around your job.

Like PPs have said, they want this placement to work as much as you do. Make them do the legwork to make it work. Of course you should do the medical appointments, as any parent would, but the plethora of additional meetings you're expected to attend due to the kinship care should be SS problem to solve alongside your job, not yours.

Make sure you will get paid for the children. Find out exactly how much and where you stand on that.

A while back I knew a woman who voluntarily took on her sisters’s child, and because it was voluntary, she didn’t get paid at all!

@SparklyLimeHair I don't think you're getting what people are advising you. The issues here are caused by SS, stop focussing on your employer, and start pushing back with SS. People have given really good suggestions for pushing back with SS or asking them for 5yrs of salary. I know you don't want to lose the children but you've repeatedly been told this won't happen and that SS need you more than you need them. You are in a good position here to sort all this out with SS, but sadly you seem too scared to.

I'm an ex SW. My advice, push back on the LA.
The agreed Care Plan is for these children to remain together. Tell the LA you cannot manage work (although I'd have expected this to have been discussed with you already) and caring for these children.
Push for financial support for say 3 years above the normal kinship fostering rate.
Yes they'll think you're an arsehole...how DARE you not to just uproot your entire life for these kids! However we are living in the real world here.

The LA has no chance of finding a long term placement for 3 children and in all honesty the youngest I'd be seeking adoption if they couldn't be with you. The elder 2 would be looked after for the remainder of their childhood, costig about £70/80k a year. Then the LA would have to tell a court why the Care plan has changed and if it's just due to money they will be looked at very unfavourably.

So the power really does lie with you.
Good luck and well done you for stepping up for these kids.

That would be really stupid OP - there is going to be no money for pensions in 30 years time and you need to make money now. Let the state take care of them - they are not going to help you., save the money - take them out when you can and save, save, save.

The issue is more with SS not your employers. Do you actually find the fostering training useful?? Surely after a year you know the kids and their needs - support should be there for you on a flexible way when needed rather than generic mandated hoop-jumping training. (Again, not underestimating the challenges, but having been through pre-adoption training it seems aimed at idiots who have no knowledge)

Push back on that. Seriously you need to start standing up to social services, they've got you creeping around afraid they'll remove the DC if you don't do everything they say.

They won't do it, they really won't, they've got nowhere else to place them and it's be a massive ball ache for them and a bigger expense. They'll go a long way to avoid a ball ache and expense believe me - I got them to agree full adoption allowance for my DC til age 18. A friend of mine got a five figure lump sum to buy a bigger house in order to take on her DCs younger sibling. Both of those cost a lot, but cost a lot less then paying FC agency rates.

Say you're not doing any more FC training and want bespoke FC training tailored to your circumstances and held at a time convenient to you. They do it for adopters so why shouldmt they do it for you too? Say you're only able to commit to meetings on x day every week, or before 10 or after 4 on other days. You're already caught up doing medical appointments and school stuff in work time, you can't spend any more work time on stuff that is to tick the LAs boxes and their priorities which doesn't fit your priorities. Say the alternative is that you want them to pay you the equivalent of your current salary for the next 5 years, and you'll resign your job. I'm serious. If they can pay for people to buy bigger houses or build extensions, or in my case pay me more in adoption allowance than I make in my actual job, they can either work meetings around you or pay you properly for resigning your job.

OP you sound a bit defeated and I understand. People here are trying to show you that you hold more cards than you realise. Kick off merry Hell with your employer. Be more forthright with Social Services. They aren’t going to take the children away from you, and if you end up leaving your job what harm will it have done to assert yourself with work? You sound somewhat traumatised, but you need to find some guts and guile here - I would
imagine you don’t get to be head of a global department by being passive.

Absolutely is an option. They can’t make you do these meetings option, you do have autonomy over your own life.

my son was in hospital shortly for example, some parents couldn’t come in as they had to work. They can’t make you miss your job. No one can. Unless you are arrested by police.

I think a tribunal would find them to be unreasonable. I would explain the situation to them and then use the words "reasonable adjustments". Put it in writing as a formal request. Good luck.