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AIBU?

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Original poster

To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

341 replies

SparklyLimeHair · 02/12/2025 18:41

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 02/12/2025 18:52

Would a SGO be appropriate? That could cut down the number of meetings (but also probably stop fostering allowance unless you can negotiate otherwise). However may not be appropriate for all sorts of reasons.

Jecstar · 02/12/2025 18:51

@SparklyLimeHair have you heard of Kinship? It’s a charity that supports kinship carers and offers lots of support and training and advice for people in your position and lots of peer support. Perhaps they might have some suggestions about how things can be managed?

kinship.org.uk

ExperiencedContractor · 02/12/2025 18:50

Posted before I saw they are with you long term but I still think part time is a better choice than leaving. Gives you the option to go back if you wanted, keeps up your pension contributions, holiday pay, sick pay, etc.

Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 02/12/2025 18:50

ExperiencedContractor · 02/12/2025 18:49

You haven’t said what the long term intention is for the children but leaving seems drastic. Could you drop to two or three days? Perhaps you could do a job share that way. Or take a six month/one year sabbatical?

Work won’t approve a job share and won’t let me drop to less days than my current 4 days. The children are with me long term, it’s been a year already.

OP posts:
CambridgeSingers · 02/12/2025 18:49

Have you taken the adoption and unpaid family leave you can? Given you enjoy it, I’d really absolutely try and avoid the nuclear option. Kids only get more expensive as they get older. 4 days is a good balance - when the appts settle, you should be ok.

can you talk to SS re the unreasonable workload of appts and training - I’m sure they can’t really want you to give up work either?

have you outsourced cleaning, simplified cooking, basically gone through all the other parental adjustments of lowering expectations on non essentials?

Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 02/12/2025 18:49

Niece’s are 2 and 9 and nephew is 11

OP posts:
itsthetea · 02/12/2025 18:49

Will the meetings and training continue at this pace for ever? Probably not - things should settle ?

would your employer consider a sabbatical, or say 3 days a week for a few months , or additional family leave ? how much have you discussed this with them ?

ExperiencedContractor · 02/12/2025 18:49

You haven’t said what the long term intention is for the children but leaving seems drastic. Could you drop to two or three days? Perhaps you could do a job share that way. Or take a six month/one year sabbatical?

NotMeNoNo · 02/12/2025 18:49

People do manage, but caring for 3 children who presumably had some considerable upheaval on their lives doesn't fit well round a high demand job. Could you drop your hours or take a sabbatical in case you want to return? I would have a conversation with your employer. They might say the door is open if you wanted to return. Or keep in touch by doing a bit of consultancy.

Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 02/12/2025 18:48

TeenToTwenties · 02/12/2025 18:46

Is there a way you could either go part time, or take 'adoption leave' for a year whilst things settle down? (Note I know you aren't adopting but maybe you could work out an agreement with your company to do something similar under the circumstances).

I haven’t adopted them so I’m not legally entitled to adoption leave and my employer won’t improve anything else. And even if I did take leave, when I go back to work I would still have the same problems with all of the social services meetings and the children’s appointments and the fostering training.

OP posts:
Original poster
SparklyLimeHair · 02/12/2025 18:47

Didntask · 02/12/2025 18:43

Is the plan for the children to finally be placed back with their parent/s?

No. They are with me long term.

OP posts:
ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 02/12/2025 18:46

I would maybe ask work for a sabbatical leaving your position open for you to come back to? In the current jon market it might be really hard to go back in at a similar level in a new company if you’ve had a long break

Egglio · 02/12/2025 18:46

How old are your nieces and nephews? Are they with you for the long haul? Can you take a sabbatical from work?

TeenToTwenties · 02/12/2025 18:46

Is there a way you could either go part time, or take 'adoption leave' for a year whilst things settle down? (Note I know you aren't adopting but maybe you could work out an agreement with your company to do something similar under the circumstances).

rose69 · 02/12/2025 18:46

have you checked with your LA that you will definitely get allowance and how long for. Would work help with adoption leave or a sabbatical?

Didntask · 02/12/2025 18:43

Is the plan for the children to finally be placed back with their parent/s?