To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

Can you take a sabbatical to try and get the first 12mths out the way?

OP, well done to you for doing an amazing thing. It’s a heck of a sacrifice to take on 3 children, especially three children who have presumably gone through some trauma. It must be very hard and you are to be massively admired for taking it on.

Like PP, I would do anything possible not to quit. Apart from the fact that you will need money to raise three children, if you give up a job you live to care for them you will likely feel huge resentment, both because you will lose your independent adult self and once they grow up and leave you, you’ll be left with no career or pension savings etc.

I agree with all the suggestions - try for a sabbatical, throw whatever money you can at having a cleaner, some childcare, etc, and talk to social services about what’s achievable for you with meetings etc (pointing out that it won’t benefit the kids at all if you lose your job).

Can you take a sabbatical to try and get the first 12mths out the way?

Can you take a sabbatical to try and get the first 12mths out the way?

I'm a children's social worker (now in senior management) - not a chance could I hold down a senior role and be a connected carer (or mainstream carer) especially for 3 children. I think it's incredible you've sustained it as long as you have. If you're long term matched visits /meetings may reduce but I imagine potentially you'll still have family time to manage and importantly the continued needs for nieces and nephews. Speak to your supervising social worker about an affordability assessment, how will they support you. They will want to keep the kids in your care and they won't want it to break down, use this to try and garner what you can from the LA. I can tell you I have seen connected carers and adoptive carers reach good financial agreements with the LA outside of the normal offer.

That’s a stinking attitude from SS - what about your pension? This decision could seriously affect that too. Can you afford to hire a part time admin yourself to help with SS?

I don’t think you’ve been to SS to see what can be changed, what about getting a PA paid for through them until the appts settle?

the thing is, giving up a high placed career you love is a huge sacrifice and quite often, a one way street. Whereas you’re facing temporary adjustment costs. You risk destroying an important part of your long term happiness for what are difficult and short term-ish costs.

The first thing i would look at is ‘Parental leave’ you can use up to 4 weeks a year per child under 18, work cannot refuse it although they can ask that you choose a different date if they can justify that the date is unworkable.

its not a long term solution but would give you 12 weeks to see what other possible solutions there are and get on top of any appts. Can you work with social services to find a way to do the appts on the day you don’t work and explain that inflexibility on their side is risking your financial stability which is important in maintaining a caring role?

Just to clarify, is it work or the SW department that's causing issues for you @SparklyLimeHair

Are you in a union op? Perhaps you could get legal advice about work - being a carer and the policies? Also discuss with ACAS?

@SparklyLimeHair if you are a matched placement then a SW visit can be reduced to every 3 months, with discretion.

Are they pushing for more frequent visits then?

It doesn't sound like you want to leave your job, and I am doubtful you or they want to live on a foster carers salary - I think you'd be nuts, basically.

I'd take a giant step back, and -

Raise merry hell with your employer re adoption leave. What multinational corporation wants the bad publicity of refusing adoption/compassionate leave to an employee kind enough to take on three kids?! None I would say - you are just talking to people too low on the food chain. Get advice from an HR consultant / your union (pay for it if you have to) and negotiate some leave and some staggered return to work.

Raise merry hell with SS, again, get yourself to the top of the food chain - you have a job that you need in order to support these kids and so meetings have to be arranged on X days and that is it. In exceptional circs, you will try and arrange a zoom on another day. Do you they want to find another placement for these kids? No they do not. This one might be tougher to achieve than your work, because of so many agencies being involved but I bet you can improve it 80% given time and toughness.

Do you have good childcare and enough help with outsourcing household tasks, get that in place if not.

You may eventually want to look for a more flexi career, but you want to do that while you are still employed, and ideally after the initial shitstorm has calmed down.

Ah sounds like you might have already used some work leave if they have been with you a year. If they are going to be with you long term, I think I would decide to leave too if I had exhausted every way oh trying to get support from work.

I can understand they won’t let you drop in your current role. But surely it is possible to 2.5 to 3 days at a much lower level. Maybe your income is going to take a massive hit for a few years, but there will be no gap in employment and at the right time you’ll be able to flex back up.

I read your updates, it sounds like you may have to make a hard decision. You would save money in childcare by not working, foster pay for 3 children should be a reasonable amount. If your employer can't be flexible it's very hard. I say that as an adopter who had many years of working part time around the endless appointments.

Might be regarded by HR as equivalent to Adoption/Maternity, too.

Other than that, it sounds like you could have very marketable skills to go to their direct competitors - who if they want you, will be far more likely to approve FT with more WFH.

Would an easier job on less money work for a few years so you have more than just the foster money but not your original salary amount?

I would have a frank conversation with current employers and ask about a sabbatical and also a frank talk with your social worker.