To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

This is insane. How do SS think normal single parents manage? Of course someone should be able to work and raise three children. Even following trauma, what they most likely need is stability and security, not meetings every 5 minutes. Surely, a year into living with a trusted relative, that relative can be left to geet on with it for the most part.

In the end though there are other jobs out there, but only one chance for your DC to have a stable home for the rest of their childhood. You are a very capable person to have got to HOD in the first place, but if your employer isn't flexible around families, it's impossible going forward. I have just about held onto my job through our adoption journey and that included a 30 month sabbatical, very flexible working and a very supportive partner. I would always advise someone to keep options open but you need to be there for the DC and it's up to SS to make sure you are financially able to do it. It sounds like you have exhausted your employer's options.

You are right, too, do not drag the kids into the tabloids!!! [Shock]

It's so unreasonable of your company.

I would never normally suggest stress leave but under these circumstances. Why not? Take the sick leave policy for as long as possible and then seek a payoff.

You need to put family first.

Are you in touch with family rights group or similar they may offer some helpful advice? Also would you be entitled to any benefits? That might help. You probably right in recognising that a full on demanding role is untenable whilst caring for 3 kids, what does your SSW say?

Would an SGO give you more flexibility but possibly less social care involvement but crucially less support?

This. It is a major PR disaster for a global multinational given your circs and the children’s predicament.

If you’re on a decent salary right now can you get a nanny to help for 3 days a week? Or an au pair?

Keep going if you can. Is there an equivalent of adoption leave? Or would your employer let you take a sabbatical/an unpaid leave of absence for a year or go down to 3 days a week flexed over 5 days?

You need to keep an income and your pension going. Well done on taking on your young relatives; it can’t be easy and I’m sure they’ll be very grateful in the long run.

Ultimately op the young lives of such beautiful and vulnerable children will be more important than money - despite the injustice of having to choose. You have already done the most loving and honourable thing despite it personally costing you a great deal already.

You sound intelligent, professional and capable - if you really can’t see a way forward with this current arrangement how would you feel about studying? Retraining? Using the time to invest in yourself and future career? You can keep looking for a different kind of role in the meantime.

At some point this will get easier, they will become older, and things will settle.

Thank God for people like you, truly.

It's not just about the meetings, though. It's about being a full-time substitute parent which is really hard work, potentially three different schools/nurseries to deal with, meeting the needs of the DC without them feeling more rejected, therapeutic appointments, trying to figure out what's upset them today. You can't get nannies or PA's in because those people can just leave and then it's another broken relationship. I think you are trying to do two full-time jobs at the moment OP. Maybe the right thing is to be a full-time carer for a while but think about how you can keep your links to working life even if only freelance or attending events once the 2yo is at school. As there will be a point where you want to pick it up again. As PP's have said, try to negotiate with SS so at least you are financially secure.

@SparklyLimeHair I remember you posting a while back, I think when the children were about to come to you. And I think I said gently then that a high powered job and three Foster children was going to be almost impossible to combine.
If all the meetings are the main issue, could you insist that those take place only on your weekly day off? Tbh if the choice for SS is to accommodate that or find other foster carers for 3 siblings I think they will bend.
Could you afford a nanny? That might bel your best option in the long run. They could take the children to their appointments, look after them when they're off sick and in school holidays and basically be another parent to cover your working hours. That's what I'd do tbh to keep my options open even if it put a big dent in my income. Good luck with it all.

@SummerInSun this is a pompous and thoughtless comment. Parenting your own three children cannot compare to having three children just appear in your life - you didn’t ask for it, they didn’t ask for it and they could be traumatised by whatever led them there. My colleague certainly didn’t plan on becoming an instant parent to a toddler and it has brought innumerable challenges.

If you are going to leave any way you may as well take this to the very top. Stop at nothing. There is no reason at all why they can’t support you.

I am also a head of department in a global company. Honestly, I would be reviewing your sickness policy. What period will they pay you your salary for? If they are being inflexible, and there is policy for you to be paid, I would seriously consider stress leave to allow you more breathing room.

What you are doing is really selfless, I am sorry that you are having to juggle so much and not receiving any compassion.

Gosh OP, what a difficult situation. I agree with PP who suggested that perhaps going to the press with this might be a way to put pressure on your employer, though I can understand why you might be reluctant to take that route.