To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

Gosh they have got you over a barrel!

Dont be soft or fooled into thinking you have to bend over backwards to accommodate the needs of the SWs

Do you realise you are saving them hundreds of thousands a pounds a year by looking after these children

You should be clear that you want to remain in your role and ask how they can assist with that given the current challenges you are facing

As a pp said they can certainly assist with contact centre drop offs etc and also you can ask for meetings to be later in the day and it’s totally fine to say you need them to be on your day off

If they can sense you are weak or clueless they will not bend

Also as the children have managed well with you working this long they’ll be just fine if you continue to do so

you say you are not able to hire a nanny, well you could probably do with a mothers help/housekeeper

someone to assist with cleaning, chores, drop offs etc

theres plenty agencies who will offer these staff with Enhanced crb checks

i think @teaandtoastwouldbeniceprobably has the best advice. But from my experience, these meetings do become less frequent. My nephew was older so it was always the plan that he would go into some sort of independent living, but for those first few months it was intense. Having 3 kids must be a massive adjustment - it was for me and I only had the one. I work for the NHS and I’ll be honest; my employer was massively flexible but i did insist that all meetings were either first or last thing. Simple “check-in” calls I did over teams so i just scheduled this in my diary as I work from home anyway.

I know you’ve explored many options with your employer but I’d try the HR department or even involve the union. It’s an incredibly stressful time and I’d have been devastated to have given up my job. They clearly value you if they won’t allow you to drop your hours, so I’d be putting it to them how they would feel if you quit - what would they rather have?

Op will say that this isn’t possible unfortunately, due to circumstances.

Keep a hand in somehow to your career. I have had to take steps back to look after my kids with SEN but have managed to keep a hand in with part time consulting, training and then going back full time for periods when things were easier.

kinship social worker here - talk to your supervising social worker and explain. It might feel like the easiest solution right now but it doesn’t sound like the best one for you long term.

with kinship care - social worker involvement does massively reduce and you might feel you’ve put yourself in a financially vulnerable position without support going forward. Ask about all that you are eligible for now V if you were unemployed - get a really clear picture before you feel pushed to make a decision.
Social work meetings should try to accommodate your needs as well - early or late online meetings, transport provided for family time contact, think of any ways your life could be made easier practically and ask for this. Remember you are saving the local authority a lot of money and providing exactly what your nieces and nephew need.

Would your employer consider some parental leave? Look at the maternity/adoption policies and see if there is scope for you to take some time off.

I would say give yourself time to settle and reflect, it’s a huge life adjustment - practically, financially and emotionally and you really need to do what is right for you.

There is a huge reluctance to pay family members fostering payments as it opens the door to vast expenditure when our councils are currently having to make massive cuts to spending

Oh @SparklyLimeHair I really feel for you.

I think you perhaps need to stop being quite so accommodating. By that I mean tell your company you are on the verge of burn out, this is severely affecting your mental health as you are under acute stress. Make it about your work. How can they accommodate you? Put the onus on them to offer solutions (by ensuring you drop in the correct terms which make them fear lengthy sick leave or a constructive dismissal claim).

Do not in any way present the option of resigning (to them).

Similarly I understand you have to meet certain social work demands but if you say 'I cannot do that, I can do Friday', what realistically are they going to do (hoping someone with social work experience can answer this).
But I cannot imagine they can replace you easily. You are by far the cheapest option and fulfil requirements to keep the children together etc. It would surely have to reach a fairly high threshold before they wouldn't support you in kinship care given you've navigated a whole year.

Basically do you need to present a harder front to everyone in a 'what are you going to do about it's manners. It sounds like you are lovely and asking for help but now you need to start making some demands.

You may still decide to give up your job but don't make it easy for them.

You've also probably done this already but have you checked if any kind of carers network exists in your company? They can be useful in acting on your behalf and raising issues in a more neutral way.

I’d definitely share the conflict with social work teams and get them to accommodate your restrictions to keep you earning well

You've got nothing to lose - go as high as you can in the company and tell them your story. CEO, their chief of staff, global head of HR, the board, the non execs, the chair. The whole lot.

Fostering is a job and is paid. It should be paid and expensed in regard to the level of care the children need. I know allowances vary but the OP should have a strong case.

What happens if you don’t leave your job? Do you have the children taken away? All? Just the 2 year old? What is the result of staying in your career?

How are you supposed to live yourself and support 3 kids without a job? If you can't combine the two roles then the kids will have to be looked after by someone else. It's an awful situation but how can anyone manage without a job? It's a totally unrealistic expectation of Social Services when you're without a partner to support you. You'll have no money, no pension and possibly no home either. A life ruined basically.

@Wowwee1234 but being a foster carer isn't the same as being a single parent as a pp articulated - there are so many other aspects that come with taking on that role many of which were developed to help keep children safe and to support their progress which is often significantly behind their peers. I don't disagree that it's sad OP is finding she can't do both or that it's a huge amount to ask of her and I can completely understand why she is finding it too much. As I said in pp - if it was agreed she could become their SGO carer or secure their permeancy through a child arrangement order a number of the statutory requirements would end. However, even then she will still have 3 children in her care who (particularly given their age) are very likely to have experienced significant trauma and therefore experience and present with challenges. These are children who will need better than good enough parenting to help them heal and that is likely to be exhausting for the OP.
Birth parents often have to make choices about balancing their career and children's needs too, especially if that child has more complex needs.

@SparklyLimeHair - I hope you can have some helpful discussions with your social worker and open up to them about how you are feeling and make it a shared issue for you all to solve rather than feeling like you are carrying this on your own.

You need to get help in. Nanny, cleaners etc to help lighten your load. I wouldn’t quit the job just yet - getting back into the workplace after time out is brutal and you will unlikely to be able to go back to the salary you are on. Do as many meetings online as you can.

It does sound like you’re heavily leaning towards leaving your job. Depending how long you have been in your role it might be worth instigating a without prejudice conversation with your employers for you to leave with a settlement agreement. Their lack of flexibility is shocking and if you are prepared to play hard ball it could give you some leverage to get an enhanced package which could help financially as you adjust.
It sounds like working is positive for your mental health and wellbeing so one other thing to consider is if you left could you do some form of self employed consulting to keep your skills relevant but with considerably less hours?

I'm sorry OP it sounds as if you're at the end of the road with your company and adjustments they are willing to consider (it's rubbish they won't consider job share, I think I read the head of MI5 is a job share so it can work very well at very senior levels. Sadly though your employer sounds inflexible and a bit old fashioned).

Equally, it sounds as if you can't carry on as you are with working 4 days and doing the fostering role when that entails so much (time wise, energy wise and emotionally). And (very understandably) the options of paid childcare are off the table.

So I think, sadly, the job is going to have to be the thing that gives. But I agree with those posters who've experience with fostering / the care system about talking to your local authority before you do anything to let them know the position you're in and to try and get as much financial support from them as possible.

I'm sorry you're in this position of having to give up a job you love. But with your work being so solid in their responses I'm not sure you have any other option here.

I find this so frustrating. A man wouldn’t have this problem. A) he likely wouldn’t have been asked for this role as a foster carer but if he was, a company would bend over backwards to accommodate his new caring role.

is there any chance you can say this? It suggests you having to leave is down to your sex as a woman as opposed to anything else which is a protected characteristic. It’s worth a try.