Christmas now unaffordable

This is poor reading comprehension …OP talks about getting past GP receptionist, food banks are definitely not open access and the NHS waiting times are terrifying …for many critical illness investigations. Why would you disbelieve the Op about eating so little?

I understand what the OP says about getting past the GP receptionist, but at the end of the day you just need to be firm and tell them you NEED to speak to a doctor and that’s that. Even tell them you have mental health problems that you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone about who’s not a doctor.

Completely agree. I have gastro issues with no appetite sometimes and my go to food is often porridge. Whilst I’m extremely lucky to have a FT job and be able to afford food, porridge with an egg thrown in, a few chopped nuts honestly is a nutritious and affordable meal as surely you will only deteriorate rapidly if you’re going without food and it’s very easy to prepare even add water if no milk.

Also I hope your DH can be convinced to apply for PIP, I know you said he’s reluctant to until he has a diagnosis and his paperwork but that’s not needed as the assessor can get access to GP records if he agrees and can investigate themselves also. It’s just important they know sooner than later how his life is being affected right now. He doesn’t need a perfect log of documents.

Hoping things improve soon ❤️

You need to get your kids to help you in any way shape or form, advocate for you etc

Agree. And also, no, it's not for your young adult children to sort out as others have indicated.

That figure is based on a couple with three eligible children one or some of whom are disabled. Was in radio 4 this morning from some official stats somewhere.

Those targets haven’t been met in a long time

There’s somethings in here that don’t ring true. A year for a biopsy to ‘confirm husband has a type of blood cancer’ is not possible. Suspected cancer would be investigated promptly and the husband would be very very unwell living with blood cancer for a year. Can’t get past the evil receptionist at the doctor? Again, for a year?

Several PPs are suggesting ways to help but the OP bats them all back. OP is clearly in very difficult times and will need to broaden where she looks for help. No magic extra money is going to arrive. It sounds like now the kids have grown up and there’s no money coming in for them that circumstances have changed and there is no longer enough money.

OP you do really need to read some of the very good advice on here and act if things are as hard as you describe. No one is going to swoop in and sort things out, you need to be proactive and seek help, it is out there, you need to access it.

Definitely not true! Surely no one believes that. If there is the very rare family with exceptional needs/outgoings, maybe but nowhere near average.

And that’s a really big issue that a lot of people just dont get. You are usually roughly on the limit if in HA or council but very often hugely under if in private rent especially in southern half of country or more ‘in demand’ areas in midlands, north and wales. I couldn’t for instance where I live (Bath) get a 1 bed flat covered off if on my own , by some margin ( around £300 a month less) - even if I went to much cheaper places within 10 miles I woukd still be around £200 short ( because the local allowance is less too) that’s why we need more controlled rents or more social housing

What type of collage does you son attend? Student finance can be claimed for further education collage, my son was advised to but then his collage ended up funding him anyway based on a health condition.

When you feel stuck, you're stuck.

It sounds as if the OP lives in a very depressed area and is depressed themselves.

It's difficult to get through to a doctor, but this is your starting point as they will have contact with other agencies. Just make this your one task. You have to start somewhere. Health also seems to be the key to some of your struggles.

You seem hopeless and, frankly, slightly suicidal. If you can physically get to your doctors' surgery, tell them that you don't feel safe. I'm hoping they have a mental health specialist you can talk to.

I would hazard a guess, that is not true whatsoever.

I have to agree with this - no GP appointments for a year? No support for suspected blood cancer? Eating two meals a week? Food banks refusing support. I feel there is a lot more going on here.

Of course it isn't true.

From what you are saying OP, you should have over £700 left after you pay your rent. It's not a lot but at the same time, it should cover some gas and electricity, some food to cover more than 2 meals and internet.

How is that £700 spent on at the moment?

@purplepentagram You really need to eat OP! Please swallow your pride and go to the food bank.

Fasting for up to three days has reliably been shown to induce stress hormone alterations including hypercortisolism, which is common to several stress models and points to brain adaptive response to energetic stress.

You will just get sicker by not eating.

Read that the average benefits claimant has a lifestyle equivalent to someone earning £71,000 a year. Don't know whether this is true or not ?

Why do you only eat twice a week?

Lidl own brand porridge is really cheap and nutritious, can make it with half water/half milk. Cheapest way is in the microwave. If you’re struggling with your health you need to eat.

Do your adult children know that you’re basically starving yourself?

Please talk to your GP and get a food bank referral. Malnutrition will make your situation even worse.

Olio app is also very good for free food.

OP mentioned work in one of her posts so I'm wondering if the problem is that although she's disabled, she's not been found unfit for work. Plenty of disabled people can and do work (although it's probably true the majority are on benefits only, due to the nature of their disability). If she's a jobseeker, all a person gets is unemployment payments and rent payments which often don't cover the actual rent, then the unemployment bit gets spent mostly on rent. She could easily be spending all her PIP on utility bills and council tax (especially if she lives somewhere expensive where even a modest home has a high value and therefore generally a higher council tax banding) if she hasn't yet claimed that benefit, leaving them with a small amount of carer's allowance each week to spend on food, travel, toiletries, pharmacy meds etc. I can see how a person can end up in OPs situation. It won't be long term though, she will die if she continues as she is. Worrying about burdening her children in these circumstances is warped thinking.

OP your children are people, with friends, helpers etc they could ask a question of too. They might have some knowledge or ideas that could help you. You'll never know if you don't speak to them about your situation.

\have you looked at how to feed your family on £20 pounds a week. Lorna has many suggestions for meals for 4 people if this helps. Porridge is worthwhile for breakfasts as it is not expensive and is filling and would mean you start the day with a hot meal. I am so sorry you are only eating twice a week.

@purplepentagram your son needs to try harder to get a job so he can contribute.

Having no GCSE maths and english is irrelevant. There are so many xmas jobs available all over that need no qualifications.

Your husband also needs to make an effort to apply for PIP.

What does the £500 a month left over have to cover?

Yes, under NHS guidelines, a person who is referred for suspected cancer is supposed to be told of the results within 28 days.

I believe that things are tough, they are for many, but I’m afraid I can’t take a lot of it seriously as you are certainly not eating twice a week ‘if that’. Its not physically possible.

You do have some money coming in and there are food banks who will turn nobody away who goes to them. Come on.

You say you can’t get food help because of different beliefs - I’m assuming you mean you need your food to have been produced to a religious standard - if that’s the case your religious community should have support of that kind available for you to access, surely.

Christmas isn’t real, and not worth getting upset about if you’ve only got adult children. Just don’t do it, its not important.