Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Christmas now unaffordable

293 replies

purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 18:38

Is there even any point in me bothering with the tree, decs and all that goes with it. When I can’t even afford to do any shopping.
all you see in the news is all about how those on benefits are so better off and living a life a luxury…. Well can someone point me in the right direction cause our life sucks.
things were ok till my husbands health took a turn for the worse.which is also starting to effect our marriage - for that might as well be over an all. He is now under investigation due to neurological tremors and a few other things. I’m also disabled with physical and neurological issues. I get some pip and my husband gets carers.( he’s not applied for pip due to believing all the nastiness that’s currently going round) Our universal credit is 1085 a month after deductions. Our rent is 700 of that. So we’re living off less than 500 a month. By the time Iv paid all the bills there is nothing left. So what’s the point in even carrying on anymore. Things were manageable even after our youngest child dropped off our claim. ( he’s still in college full time and at home) my daughter has left and gone to uni. My eldest 2 have their own life’s. Am I wrong in telling them not to bother coming home this year and asking my son if he can find a friends to go to instead. We’re down to 2 meals a week, minimal heating due to the amount that British Gas is asking for each month. Iv cancelled everything I could from insurance policies to subscriptions, internet ( that’s due to go off any day now) life is miserable and I can’t seem to find anyway out. We can’t afford to move, or even get on the council list. All the local help has stopped applications and I can’t even get a food bank referral. There is nothing left in our town and trying to find work is impossible. Just keep getting refused. So no Christmas for us this year and the kids have all been told not to bother since there is nothing. I just feel that the only way would be if we wasn’t here to be a burden. We don’t have any other family or friends. So that’s not an option either. Rather fed up on life and how the news is portraying things when it’s way far from reality.

OP posts:
BBKP · 02/12/2025 22:59

Honestly just stop paying the debts and write to them telling them you can’t afford it

FurForksSake · 02/12/2025 22:58

Prolific is a site where you can answer questionnaires for payment, however there’s a very long waiting list.

To summarise some of the suggestions

email or phone the CAB and ask for advice
self refer to adult social care
olio app for free food
use timers / calendar reminders / alerts on your phone for food / medication / daily tasks
contact GP for yourself and husband, for husband you can contact gp and express your concerns, you could do this via an online form and this may be easier
apply for MR for yourself and PIP for DH, think about functioning rather than diagnosis
consider impact malnourishment is having on your emotional, mental and physical health and ability to think clearly.

GladImhereVladimir · 02/12/2025 22:57

SpaceRaccoon · 02/12/2025 22:45

You find me one that is genuine and not some scam. But thanks anyway.

Lionbridge/Telus and Data Annotation are two that aren't scams.
More quickly and easily, although lwss lucratively, you could do Prolific.

Edited

Lionbridge had an abysmal reputation in the industry I used to work in. They were not considered a reliable employer at all. The scores they get on the boards (for which I can no longer access full descriptions due to having left the industry) are so low I'd worry they suggest non-payment. What kind of work do you think OP could do for them?

Threadreplier · 02/12/2025 22:57

Please, please claim the benefits you are entitled to. I'm a higher rate tax payer and I have no problem at all paying it and realise I am fortunate. Percentage wise, the stupid tax system where food and fuel are taxed, your proportion of tax is still higher than mine. It's wrong. It makes the country better place when those that can afford it pay more tax AND it helps those that need help too. That is you. I feel so sad you're not claiming everything you're entitled to. Please, please claim it. You're entitled to help when times are hard, just as we're all required to pay tax whether or not we can afford it. I hope you get the help you so desperately need.

SheinIsShite · 02/12/2025 22:53

purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 22:52

Can you please explain what is prolific and data annotation. Iv no idea what any of what you said is.

Show quote history

Google it.

GladImhereVladimir · 02/12/2025 22:52

OP are you eating anything at all between your 2 meals a week? Are you having the odd biscuit or piece of bread? Have you tried contacting social services? Don't answer if I've missed it and you've answered already...

WallaceinAnderland · 02/12/2025 22:52

i have to be prompted, reminded or asked about meals or snacks

So, do you have 'snacks' on the days that you don't have a meal?

Original poster
purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 22:52

SpaceRaccoon · 02/12/2025 22:45

You find me one that is genuine and not some scam. But thanks anyway.

Lionbridge/Telus and Data Annotation are two that aren't scams.
More quickly and easily, although lwss lucratively, you could do Prolific.

Edited

Can you please explain what is prolific and data annotation. Iv no idea what any of what you said is.

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 22:50

My injections are self administered

Wish I’d never bothered posting now. This is why we don’t speak to people, ask for help or advice. Always looked down on, called a lier or worse. Would it make any difference if I had said that I totally hate Xmas only ever bothered when the kids were little but in all honesty I hate it. It’s so overwhelming and stressful and for what. Never celebrated it when I was a child.
yes my life sucks, I know and I don’t need reminding.
yes Iv given up because I’m mentally and physically exhausted. Im struggling to even function on daily basis. Im past caring and really can’t do with it anymore. I’d always been the rock of our family unit. But Iv now got to a point where I could quite easily just disappear. Not that anyone would even notice. At least that way I wouldn’t be another burden on society that’s just trying to survive this cruel world. I’d happily swap all my health issues and disability’s to have a job or something that I could do without being in constant pain.

OP posts:
GladImhereVladimir · 02/12/2025 22:50

DasherPrancer · 02/12/2025 22:46

It’s not possible to survive on two meals a week. You wouldn’t have the energy to be typing replies to people online; you’d be on the verge of death. You’ve been given lots of suggestions as to what you can do. Are you going to follow any of them?

Of course it is - there was a Scottish guy called Angus Barbieri who went without any food at all for over a year. He was given some extra vitamins but his body weight sustained him by providing the calories he didn't get from food. It's a horrible situation to be in if not by choice (he chose not to eat) but even if it's unsafe without vitamins etc, it's not scientifically impossible.

DasherPrancer · 02/12/2025 22:46

It’s not possible to survive on two meals a week. You wouldn’t have the energy to be typing replies to people online; you’d be on the verge of death. You’ve been given lots of suggestions as to what you can do. Are you going to follow any of them?

SpaceRaccoon · 02/12/2025 22:45

You find me one that is genuine and not some scam. But thanks anyway.

Lionbridge/Telus and Data Annotation are two that aren't scams.
More quickly and easily, although lwss lucratively, you could do Prolific.

bodyofproof · 02/12/2025 22:40

moggiek · 02/12/2025 22:35

Who administers your injections?

Show quote history

They’ll be self administered. I do all mine at home

FurForksSake · 02/12/2025 22:39

moggiek · 02/12/2025 22:35

Who administers your injections?

Show quote history

They are self administered subcutaneous injections.

CleverButScatty · 02/12/2025 22:39

OP you mentioned debts on one of your posts.
Contact step change and they will set up a debt repayment plan that's affordable. Even if it's only 5 quid a month and takes 50 years to repay. It's better than struggling on xx

moggiek · 02/12/2025 22:35

purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 22:16

No I can’t have that 1 due to me already being on adalimumab* injections *weekly

Show quote history

Who administers your injections?

GladImhereVladimir · 02/12/2025 22:32

19lottie82 · 02/12/2025 22:04

It sounds like your main problems here are your husband and your son. Your husband should be claiming what he’s entitled to, and your son should be either working, or if he genuinely cannot work, then he should also be claiming what he is entitled to.

Do you have any friends or family that can help advocate for you, contact adult social services if need be?

PIP isn't something that you just claim and are awarded. It is a bitter and damaging fight for anyone whose disability isn't both outwardly obvious and extreme and many people are unsuccessful even if too ill to work. There is always a significant risk that the process will further disable you/damage your mental health while not leading to any sort of award. This is deliberate. It;'s designed that way to keep the numbers down. Many people are simply too ill to access it.

ThatRareLimeFinch · 02/12/2025 22:25

@purplepentagram op, sorry if youve answered to this, i havent seen all your responses...

you should definately be able to get a LCWRA on your uc.
you trigger it by getting 'sick notes' from the gp. they need to be continuous for at least 3 months, upload these onto your journal and it will trigger a fit for work assesment. once done, if granted LCWRA its either an extra £423 a month on top of your uc award.
make sure your DH is claiming the CARERS ELEMENT on UC aswell as just carers allowance. carers allowance is taken £ for £ from your uc but the carers element isnt.

rent £700
couple over 25 £628
carers element £201
total £1169

obviously carers allowance is taken from this £ for £ but you then also have this on top as a seperate payment.

getting LCWRA would give you an extra £400+ a month

and get your husband applying for pip! he doesnt need a diagnosis, as long as he meets the needs critiria, i know its long and brutal to do but any help would be a huge benefit to you all right now. he needs to put pride aside and get what he is seeminlgy entitled to help for.

Kirbert2 · 02/12/2025 22:24

Chinsupmeloves · 02/12/2025 22:15

With children though there are extra payments, also free dental and eye care and prescriptions if on UC, extra £300 for winter energy, vouchers etc.

So rent, council tax, heating bills, all health, free school meals, extra vouchers, school gift bags full of food and extras, free holiday clubs, access to food banks, free breakfast clubs, plus PIP, carers allowance. I do think we're very lucky to live in the UK with so much support, especially compared worldwide.

Show quote history

Even with a few children it still isn't equivalent to £71k a year.

Rent is rarely fully covered
Free school meals won't be fully covered for those on UC until next September, I'm on UC and even with a disabled child don't qualify for free school meals currently
carers allowance is deducted from UC

GladImhereVladimir · 02/12/2025 22:22

OP, as I understand it, you should be entitled to an advocate under the law if you have autism. They should be able to fight for you to get more help. I totally understand why your partner is so scared of the PIP process, it's horrifying how we're treating disabled people these days. But maybe social services might be able to offer something that the DWP can't?

Original poster
purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 22:16

bodyofproof · 02/12/2025 22:09

With the urticaria have you ever been referred for Xolair? It’s life changing and now being approved for some food allergies

No I can’t have that 1 due to me already being on adalimumab* injections *weekly

OP posts:
CharlotteCChapel · 02/12/2025 22:16

Have to tried too good to go, its not free but foe a nominal sum you get a bag of food a restaurant or shop didn't sell. Often there's a good amount of food in them.

2dogsandabudgie · 02/12/2025 22:16

Anyahyacinth · 02/12/2025 21:33

Those targets haven’t been met in a long time

Show quote history

I think that depends on the area. I have always been seen within 2 weeks for any suspected cancer. But even if some areas are not as efficient, I can't believe the OP's husband has been waiting 12 months for a biopsy for suspected blood cancer.

Chinsupmeloves · 02/12/2025 22:15

19lottie82 · 02/12/2025 22:00

lol. No.

Maybe for a very very small amount of claimants with more than one severely disabled children or similar, but the average claimant? Absolutely nowhere near.

A job seeker for example, will get rent (up to housing association rate) and council tax paid plus £90 odd quid week. So maybe a little over a grand total. If you’re physically unable to work, which is getting harder and harder to claim for these days (despite what the daily mails states), you’ll maybe get an extra £400/700 a month depending on how severe your needs are.

Not even close to the equivalent of £71,000 a year, which is about £4,300 take home a month.

Show quote history

With children though there are extra payments, also free dental and eye care and prescriptions if on UC, extra £300 for winter energy, vouchers etc.

So rent, council tax, heating bills, all health, free school meals, extra vouchers, school gift bags full of food and extras, free holiday clubs, access to food banks, free breakfast clubs, plus PIP, carers allowance. I do think we're very lucky to live in the UK with so much support, especially compared worldwide.

HK04 · 02/12/2025 22:14

OP respectfully you sound like you are stuck and in a position of learned helplessness. If you have debt do keep trying to find a way to manage it.
Any non priority debts should wait. Some local authorities have Income Max Teams if your local CAB is no longer there.
Your DH doesn’t need the paperwork or a diagnosis to be eligible for PIP. If he meets the component eligibility even if the process of applying is stressful he needs to step up and apply without further delay.
It seems crazy your circumstances are so challenging and austere yet neither of you will (with support) make a new claim for him and seek advice on whether your own award is so low.
Unfortunately no one will make it better unless you make the first steps. He may also be entitled to cont based ESA etc.
You clearly love your children and don’t want to burden them which is commendable but bear in mind that you or DH harming yourselves would also mean the pain and suffering for you ends, but then likely will go on your children ever more. You may not love your life just now which is understandable but you do have options to increase your income which you seem to be vehemently discounting.
Get the tree up. Make it a family time and show the kids that family is everything whilst doing all you can to increase your income.
It sucks. It’s really hard. But! You got this.